kittykaley.com

so mad last night. bf had a show and my mom agreed to watch sophia. her and my sister dropped me off at the show and watched sophia for the rest of the day. i have anxiety as usual right off the bat. my bf gets a text and needs to leave right away to start settting up. he gets up and just starts going. i expect him to make sure im there and get me seat in a comfortable spot. i’ve always had bfs in bands do this. my ex bf ryan even sat me down and made sure i was okay. this one? after 5 years? nah. he gets up, walks off and i follow him out like a puppy trying to catch up and there’s a lot of people so i get a little behind. he gets on the stage and starts doing whatever so i am standing at the front of the show awkwardly trying to figure where to stand cuz i did not feel comfortable in the front of everyone. i stood behind his singer and his quiet gf and finally the band before starts. a mosh starts up and they start crashing into me. so i look over and see my bf in the loading dock texting. never mind me. he doesn’t even know i exist anymore at that point. so i go in the back alone. i walk thru all the people and go stand alone in the back. there’s a fan there blowing my skirt around but my anxiety is bad and idk where to stand. so i move a little away from the fan. now im in the way of the door and people coming in and out. finally i say fuck this and go inside i find a table to sit at alone in the back and sit there. it takes my bf 15-20 mins to realize im gone. he’s texting me asking where i am. i see my friend/his band mates gf come over to me and then im fine cuz.m i’m not alone. so we get a beer and chat. hung with her and got drunk with her. so i give my bf attitude a lot over the next hour. i get mad again cuz i was supposed to be home at 7pm and it was 6:57pm. arguments break loose in the car. i started to TRY to tell him how i felt and how uosi was he just kinda left me hanging all alone. says he wasn’t leaving me and gaslighting me. i get so mad. we get home and his mom already starts with shit. 

so his mom keeps buying sophia stuff that she can’t use yet or stuff i just don’t wanna use. she keeps buying shit and makes me feel obligated to use it cuz oh nooooo.  if we don’t she gets all mad and offended. yet SHE buys this shit without asking and gets mad if we don’t jump for joy over it or don’t want it. so she makes some passive aggressive comment over it for whatever reason i don’t remember or care. she’s like “well i guess i just wasted money then”. my bf finally snaps back over her passive bullshit. slams the door on his way to put sophia in the car to go to the store for dinner. she makes a comment like “wowwww” cuz he was slamming the door. and i got mad and i snapped and made a comment too about the stupid swing she bought. i wasn’t nice either. sophia is screaming so we bring her back in and give her a bath instead. argued again. 

he talks to my mom while i go to make bottles (i was standing in the door way to listen first) and he was taking about me needing help and being manic etc this is true. so they talk about it and by time i come back the conversation is calmed down. i am calmed down. we’re okay again. i just go to bed with sophia cuz deep down i was still upset. kinda drunk and tired from. lot of missed sleep lately. the last outing was way better than this one. he has a show today again that i am not going to. 

so ranting about the mom again. yesterday we took sophia’s walker outside so she can roam around in it. the stupid rug the mom put out there doesn’t let her walk in her walker. i’ve said this many times. the rug needs to goooooo. of course the mom is all mad and making this ugly rug a big deal cuz it’s herrrr idea and we don’t need or want it. so because she’s soooo nice and does such nice things like putting a rug we don’t want out there so sophia can crawl around. mind you this is a dirty add rug she never got cleaned. she just grabbed it from somewhere in the house and put it there. she’s all offended already. she comes out there while we are watching sophia use her walker outside. the mom immediately makes comments that were passive aggressive being against the walker.  she continues to make comments that you can just feel are off. so i go inside cuz she’s annoying me already, to get a cloth to wipe sophia’s nose. she’s still kinda stuffy. i come back and hear the mom say “well crawling is important and they say they need to crawl before they walk”. apparently my mom told her she can’t walk in her walker in that rug. the mom goes “welllll i knowwww thatttt” in a nasty tone. she’s soooooooo offended we don’t want this fucking rug. always a big deal with this hag. a normal person would add the rug and if the rug wasn’t wanted would say “oh okay no problem i just thought she’d need it for crawling” by the way is UNTRUE. crawling is not considered a milestone anymore. as long as babies can get to things they want to get by rolling, scooting etc then they’re good. also tons of babies skip crawling. sophia is all over the place and walking in a walker now. but anyway nope. she has to fight about it and get all offended. STOP DOING THINGS WE DINT ASK FOR AND THEN GET OFFENDED AND PISSED OFF WHEN WE DKNT WANT IT

she keeeeeps doing this. keeps buying sophia shit and making me feel obligated to use it. i’m sick of it. fucking sick of it and sick of her. just fuck off. leave me and my baby alone. she’s just such a bitch about everything instead of including me and asking first