so finally got him to move that bookshelf. so here is what i’ve been asking for daily. i want the bookshelf moved over by the door area to make a wall so that it creates a big square. table plushed back as well to create more space in this square. his mom decided to put a big rug out there. i don’t want a rug out there. it defeats the purpose of that space for sophia being used so she can use her walker and learn mobility. his mom says she needs to crawl first. bf said that it’s not up to her or him. it’s up to her mom (me). so i don’t want the rug there. he told her that and what does she do? she puts it down anyways. not only is that rude to your son who is trying to make space for his baby to learn walking but it’s just down right nasty. he told her i wanted it gone and she has to be a bitch and put it there right after he said not to cuz i don’t want it there and she doesn’t wanna move it. “i like it there. i like it there” it’s literally dealing with a child. so he tells me the rug is still there but there is a pathway to the kitchen for sophia. i go look out there and i am almost in tears. it’s just so fucking insulting. the rug is still taking up the entire space i asked for so sophia can roam in her walker and other mobile toys. “but she needs to learn to crawl first”. bitch fuck you. seriously. she couldn’t sacrifice that space for sophia. it has to be all about her and her way. she claims she’s so adamant about her crawling but then why is your response “i like it there. i like it that way”? cuz sophia crawling your excuse to get away with getting what you want cuz we were changing it up and you didn’t like that. you feel like you’re losing control so you have to make control over something. that’s what it is with this hag. i’m seriously so done with her. like. i told my bf i’ve made the decision to tell my mom to get a 3 bedroom house cuz this house is no place for sophia to grow. even the area isn’t baby proofed. the hag left out all kinds of shit and tried to half ass “barricade” off part of that area. with her shitty hoarding junk. it’s so absolutely disgusting. she is disgraceful. nasty person.
so i went on a manic episode today after that. i lost it in the car today and some some horrible things to my bf and about his mom. just absolutely cruel shit. when i get this way i will find anything mean to say that’s absolutely awful. i want to destroy. i went off. during these episodes its like i have a circle around me and i can’t see anything beyond that circle. i don’t care about consequences, i don’t care about feelings, i just react and explode. well it happened and my bfs response was “you seriously need help”. so here i am. psych appt at 9 but still i stand by everything i said.
his mom is just so awful. like im struggling here to focus on important stuff because i zone out and just harp and hate. i don’t want that for sophia. i don’t want this old bitch to do this to me. i want to forget her and be happy with my baby. but im so stressed. so so stressed. my baby needs space. she needs room to walk. i can’t do this to her. my bf said the rug will be gone and he’ll just take it away and put it in his vehicle or something so she can’t get to it again. i said she’ll just get a new one. but he’s gonna make it be gone in the next two days. i was so mad at first that he didn’t step up and just make a huge deal. but now i just feel bad. i feel so bad she’s causing everyone so much stress that he just didn’t wanna deal with her. she was being that much of a baby about the fucking rug that he had to call it quits for the day cuz he’s exhausted. that makes me sick and sad. his mom is no mom. she can’t sacrifice anything for her son. she has to belittle him and put the rug down anyway after he said not to. it’s absolutely sick. but what to do you expect from a moron who fell for scientology and is still in a cult state of mind to this day.
but here’s where it gets weird. she gets weird. she said to him the other day “don’t be surprised if they turn on you too”. like what? she’s paranoid that my family is after her and against her. she seems to think that my mom is the instigator and all of us are against her. well bitch, gonna break this down for you. IM the instigator. i tell my family how you bully me here and how you become a victim to your son to get your way. now they see it. i never liked you so i never turned on you. i never liked you. and i never fucking will. in de t i want you to stay away from my baby. that’s right bitch that’s MY doing. MY say. my family hates how you treat me here secretly. we’d never ever turn in Joe because we love him. he’s part of our family. you’re not. you are nothing to me or them. we love your son you’re the one that ruined it all. you ruined it for yourself. it’s what i wanna say to her. like look in the mirror. self reflect. ever think hmmmm maybe, just maybe it’s you. you run everyone away. you have no friends cuz you drive them away? maybe? trying to tell your son that we might turn against him. sick. paranoid, delusional, bad hearted old hag.
i’m so mad inside still over this whole thing. i’m so stressed out. i’m so tired. i’m so hateful and i don’t want this. it’s not healthy for my baby and my outbursts aren’t either. so hopefully i can get some help tomorrow or at least get the ball rolling for some kind of mental health cuz i can’t do this
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