abilify

so i went to the psychiatrist and they prescribed me Abilify. i am not without fear tho because ive been on antipsychotic meds before and they fucked me up badly. i told her i didn’t want anything that caused weight gain. i have pcos and am pre diabetic. she said it won’t cause weight gain but when i google that shit people said they gained weight. but they seem to have gained weight from poor eating habits and the medication causing increased appetite. so i am worried about taking it but i need to give it a try and just keep on eating a healthy diet and taking my walks with sophia and my mom every day. i read someone said their psychiatrist explained that its not increasing appetite but causing them to be more thirsty. so people eat and eat and don’t feel full cuz they really need to be drinking a lot of water. the mind tricks you into thinking you’re hungry and still hungry but you’re not. so i’m gonna try and keep that in mind while taking this. so i basically blamed everything on bfs mom. which is true. if she were t around, i wouldn’t be in this predicament. i’ll always have mania and bipolar problems from time to time but she’s causing the episodes to come about due to the stress she’s not only causing me, but causing my bf and everyone else here. 

so tomorrow i am picking up my medication and im gonna start it. nervous but willing to try to start feeling okay. my mom told me she’s still looking for a 3 bedroom she’s decided cuz she feels i won’t be able to last here. i’ll keep trying and keep trying to bully my way around here but if it’s taking too much of a stressful toll on me i gotta go. it’s not healthy for me which means it’s not healthy for my baby.  like, christ i can’t even let her walk around in her walking chair. this is such an important time in her life. it’s so important and this bitch can’t let go of a stupid, dirty, ugly fucking rug because she has to have it her way not our way. so my bf is gonna just take the rug out one night he said this weekend. you know what too… if she buys another one just to put back to spite us, i will fucking tell her off and i’ll leave and stay with my mom. end of story. it’s too fucking much now. that’s just sick, bratty, shitty, selfish behavior coming from a 70- something year old bat. i just can’t anymore. watching sophia use her walker and walk out of the room today and follow me to the bathroom in it broke my heart again. she needs roaming space. she needs it to grow. she needs this. all i asked for was a square area for her that we wanna block off and this bitch had to act like this. it’s absolutely sickening. so i’ve decided too that im not gonna let her ruin my days anymore. i’ve spent too much time harping on her and shit she does. it’s making me hateful and angry. i don’t wanna be like her. to her low level. sitting there in the dark harping and hating while listening to brainwashing bullshit. after coming back from the dr today i felt like i might be getting some where. some where positive i hope. trying everything for sophia. she needs her parents to be happy and full of fun. i will do anything for my baby. she’s so funny i love her. stop i’m emotional.