kittykaley.com

well yesterday didn’t go too well for about half of the day. i blew up and i cried. i was yelling about hating it here and how much i can’t stand his mom. i said how she’s a weirdo and such. i know she heard me cuz she was out there in the couch in silence as usual. so she hasn’t even tried to come around sophia or me. i was yelling at how i hate her around my baby cuz she said weird shit to her and is constantly passive aggressive. it was a big blow up. i was so frustrated because he isn’t listening. he isn’t caring. every time i told him why i hate it here and how i feel here inside every day being so uncomfortable around his mom. he got offended and made it about his feelings. the whole drama was over the fact i was going to move out of here when my family goes. i could tell he was just afraid and reacted angrily. my dad does that too. 

the evening progressed better and we took baby girl to the store to get food for everyone. the night was better and when sophia went to sleep we watched Pearl and chilled. i was so tired all day yesterday i was surprised i stayed awake til 1am.  sophia has a new bath seat now since she’s too big for the sink. she sits in it to keep her steady since she still needs help sitting up alone. it spins 360 too. she seemed to really like it. 

so i’m still unsure what to do here. guess i’ll just be uncomfortable being here cuz i can’t change how i feel. it’s always feeling uncomfortable going into the kitchen. i have to peak around all the time just to avoid his stupid mom. it sucks that he doesn’t seem to care enough about that. i don’t know if it’s him not caring or him not knowing what to do. he told me i need to talk to her like an adult instead of all this. but the one who doesn’t act like an adult is the nearly 80 year old trump worshipper in low farm girl pigtails. i just can’t. i don’t get why people don’t understand and accept me just not wanting to fucking talk. he said i don’t talk to her. unfortunately he is right i probably should. but i know it’ll get ugly and i know ill be cruel. and once again i just don’t wanna talk. i don’t wanna make friends. i don’t wanna chat here and there. i just wanna take care of sophia alone. i don’t want anyone around that isn’t my own family. even if i liked his mom i still wouldn’t be out there and talk. she always has to make comments how i never talk. yea cuz i am not nice. i don’t wanna talk. i’m anxious and wanna be alone. that’s why moving with my family is so tempting cuz they don’t care if i talk to them. we use to go in the kitchen and around the house and sometimes not say a fucking word all day to each other. no one cares. we’re all that way. we just do our own thing. i just never met someone so desperate for validation and conversation. yea it’s sad honestly but it just isn’t my problem. she wants to complain she’s lonely and no one talks to her and how bored she is every day. well go out and volunteer. go do something meaningful and make friends. she needs to get out and do something with her time instead of harping on me and my family not being besties with her. i think the occasional hello how ya doing is probably a nice thing to do but when i don’t like someone. it’s damn obvious. i cannot be nice to her ever because she completely ruined it for me. i use to try. i tried until she got weird and petty with me. it’s just too weird for me. i never liked her and there was that reason i guess i sensed. something about her wasn’t right. she’s narcissistic and childish. brainwashed and weird. now digging through our trash. i just can’t dude. i can’t. so idk what to do.