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so today my sister and i took sophia out. i needed to practice getting her in and out of my car so i can start taking her out alone. my car being a 2 door makes things so hard so i practiced today. basically i have to put sophia in the back seat of the car, then climb in myself to put her in the car seat. to get her out of the car i had to climb back there again and get her out of the car seat, sit her up in the passenger seat, climb out and come back around to get her. it’s such a process. i might try to get the car seat out first then put her in the seat out of the car, then put her in. it’s just so hard cuz she’s so heavy and when she’s in the car seat it’s really hard. so maybe i won’t always go into stores. but well at least drive around so i can get out of this life sucking house. we put her in the front seat of the cart as well for the first time cuz we got this cart cover for babies and she really liked it. at least today she did. no crying at all in the store. 

she’s so cute 😭 tomorrow her inflatable seat comes so that i can easily sit her in it if i have to go to the bathroom or anything. it also self inflates and can even float in the pool with her sitting in it. it’s a pretty cool thing for 25 bucks. 

so i went to primary care dr yesterday and not sure how i’m feeling about this lady. she’s nice but she recommended me go to new horizons. that place is awful and will baker act you at the drop of a hat. my mom also said it’s like the mcdonald’s of psychiatrists. so it’s off putting she recommended me go there when everyone seems to know it’s shitty. but they’ll accept anyone maybe is why. cuz finding a psychiatrist that take your insurance and are accepting new patients is apparently hard. she ordered me to do blood work but if i’m not going to keep going to her idk if i’ll bother until i find a diff dr. she also is mostly a dr for old people. she told me she was surprised to have a young, healthy patient cuz she never gets those. so i kinda wanna go some where else. at least she wrote the referral and filled my script. i had to call back tho cuz she didn’t ask me where to send the referral so i had to tell them. i hope the podiatrist got the referral so i don’t get charged full. might have to call to make sure it got faxed. 

finding dr is so hard. especially when i had the best dr ever for so many years since i was a teenager. she would write me anything i needed. no problem what so ever. adderall and klonopin were my meds she wrote for me until her group decided they didn’t want to write them anymore. so i have to find a psychiatrist for all that and then it’s hard to even get it again. even tho i took it for so long. i’m so depressed but i don’t want mood stabilizing drugs. idk what to do but the primary care told me im more complex than she usually handles. she handles stuff like prozac and easy drugs.  she asked me if i wanted her to write me anything like that and i said no cuz they all don’t work for me. i’m either too numb or they heightens mania. i prob do need a stabilizer again but they cause weight gain and hair loss and whatever else that freaks me out. idk but ill still look for a psych and new primary i guess