sophia’s first social outing

memorial day we took sophia to paulseidons cook out. we had a rough morning and i was so stressed about bringing her out. she was screaming her head off again and it was really exhausting. i had so much anxiety about it i was like “fuck it i’m not going”. but we took her and she was great. all my friends got to hold her and see her. they loved her. she was the talk of the party ^-^ she met freddie and jenny’s baby and i cackled when i saw my friends holding the babies next to each other. sophia is huge in comparison and their baby is 6 months old 😭 sophia is really heavy and long in comparison it was so funny. 

i’m so glad it all went well and sophia seemed to love interactions with others. that means she’s ready. we can take her out more. 👍🏼 

had some talks with my bf last night about how depressed i am. i found out what happened the other night i got wasted at his show. he said we stopped at Wawa and i was like wandering off on my phone and he called me over to the car like 3 times and i didn’t notice. drunk tunnel vision. he said he had to walk over and get me. he said the ride home was horrible cuz i was ranting and getting mad. he said my points were valid though. i was ranting about how he has so much more freedom than me and i was mad i couldn’t go to his next show. i got home and ranting more. apparently i scared him and my family because i was on the verge of a meltdown. im told i was ranting and getting really upset saying i didn’t think i was a good mom because i got too fucked up and couldn’t hold my baby. i was so worried about her waking up and having to deal with her and i didn’t want to. i was repeatedly saying i was a bad mom for it. yea i don’t remember any of these things. my bf told me last night he thinks it was just a lot of stress i let out that night and it was probably needed. i needed a night out where i just got hammered and let loose, let out all my frustration and worry. i think im good on getting so drunk like that i don’t remember anything. i’m good with a buzz for a while lol

today we’re going grocery shopping to meal prep. we’re gonna start helping my family eat healthier and save more money. after my brothers hospital scare with the kidney stone situation we’re going to really help him get better and to avoid future issues by diet change. then after all that we’re taking sophia to the beach again at sunset. she loves seeing the ocean. 

June 10th Mum is coming down to visit and see sophia for the first time. i need to find out what exactly she plans on doing cuz i know we have dinner plans at 6 but i don’t wanna bring baby girl to a restaurant quite yet.