i felt kinda bad but not really because they ordered tons of food there kinda so everyone can eat. but by time they brought out an oyster platter that no one seemed to be eating. i just kept eating them. i pretty much ate the whole plate cuz no one else seemed to be but i felt like a pig just eat a plate full of oysters that were for everyone 😭 but we got our oyster fix for a while. stopped by the bar for a couple drinks and then my brother was there to pick us up.
so things are still kinda tight up in here. my boyfriend is still not speaking to his mom until she apologizes and she hasn’t yet. so it’s this awkward vibe where they aren’t talking. i still feel awkward now going in the kitchen. still feel that obligation to talk to her even though i do not like her. no matter how nice she would try to be. just don’t like you. never will. end of story. so i don’t wanna talk to her but i still TRY to be nice even though she deserves nothing from me. she’s a weirdo and i am uncomfortable around her but am trying. today i passed by her and i startled her. she’s always so startled by everyone because she’s so in her own world of brainwash she has her peripherals off. like when Paige is so drunk and doesn’t see us, walks right by cuz she has tunnel vision. anyways i said sorry and kinda laughed cuz i startled her. expecting her to laugh and be like no problem or whatever. nothing. she just walks on by. so idk if she’s still mad or what but whatever. prob just so focus on politics and cults or whatever bs she was listening to on the porch. my mom and i were talking on our walk yesterday how she doesn’t have a sense of humor or anything. there is nothing about that woman that’s extraordinary. she’s super bland, no funny bone. doesn’t genuinely laugh ever. so when i say sorry for startling her, laugh and apologize she doesn’t get it. like most people would laugh back and say “it’s ok” or “man yo scared me” followed by a chuckle (lol chuckle) but she doesn’t. blandest, most unremarkable person ever.
i wish things were different. i wish she wasn’t how she is. i wish she was a fun grandma type. i wish things weren’t so uncomfortable and i wish she wasn’t so brainwashed. it’s sad and unfortunate but what can you do. i just know how uncomfortable it is being here. how unhappy i am in this house. i want that little family with my bf (husband soon) and baby and i almost got it. i almost got my dream life of being a housewife/stay at home mom but the house isn’t fully mine, or according to the bitter old woman it’s not mine OR my bfs at all. i almost am there but not quite with her here. :( and i guess i just don’t understand how she can act like this to her son. my family… we will bend over backwards for each other. help each other and do nice things for each other all the time. when we had issues with bfs vehicle and sophia was a newborn he wanted to use her car since she never really goes anywhere. the car sits there most of the time. he couldn’t drive it cuz she didn’t want him to nor did she offer. he’s not on her insurance so she said no. my family would still let us use theirs. it’s just weird. my family is very close. very family. it’s like they aren’t. it’s like they’re just room mates.
i blogged about this before but it bothers me how she lied to my moms face and said she’s in debt, bf doesn’t pay for anything and the house is HERS not his too. my bf use to own the house next door and he sold it for whatever he could get at the time to help his mom pay off this house. so he got rid of his house, paid rest of this one off and moved in. he re did the whole house. did a ton of work on it. pays her monthly to help with utilities and everything. she has the audacity to say it’s not his too. she’s just such a selfish person. anything she does has an agenda attached to it. anything she does in the long run is for herself. it’s so insulting for her to say the house isn’t his too. then to give him barely ANYTHING in the house. all we get in this bedroom and the side room now. the rest of the house she has all her shit in it. even unused areas of the house. my bf lived this way now for so long that it’s how it is. he has no area to really call his own but our bedroom here. my said she’s not in debt at all. she’s so stupid she keeps putting money into gold. he said she took our 30 grand the other day toward more gold 🙄 so fucking stupid. so i was like “maybe that’s why she’s in debt?” he goes “no she has like 100 grand in the bank. she’s just a cheap fuck. all there is to it. but for her to lie like that is so odd. so weird. what do you gain from lying about that? what did that do for you?
she makes me so grossed out. everything she does. every time i see her im just annoyed and grossed out. her personality or lack there of just irks me so badly. i really am miserable in this house. i haven’t been this depressed in a while now. which sucks cuz i have my baby and i love her so much. she just laughed again yesterday over a piece of swiss cheese it was so funny. i want her to grow up happy and in a safe, positive environment. but i feel like with this crazy person living here it’s not. she drives everyone away and always has she said so herself. i fear i cannot stay here with her still here. my mom is struggling so hard after everything got so expensive she’s trying to leave. we wanna all leave and live together some where else.
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