me first and the gimmie gimmies

seriously exhausted from the week of whining, crying baby all day. nights she sleeps great so far but days. no. awful. she whines all day and everything you do isn’t good enough unless you’re feeding her or holding her. so i hardly get chances to shower or change clothes. i’ve been feeling dirty and i look rough thru the week. yesterday i was so mad cuz 1) my period started and 2) bf was pissing me off. like big time with some minor arguments. my sister came over and my mom told her how i was about to lose it on him earlier. like asking me… no, borderline telling me he’s going to our friends house for a beer cuz he was hosting his cinco de mayo party… ummm wow. i’m like “it must be great being a dad”. getting to just go off and have fun while i struggled all week with sophia. no time to myself or anything and you just wanna go off and have a good time while i’m stuck here doing the same thing. fuck u. i was so mad. so i finally got him to realize what i go thru when i took a shower and she was crying. he had to change her poop diaper, clean spit up off of him and her and try many things to calm her down. let’s just say he ended up apologizing to me and telling his friends he wasn’t going. his friend even told him no problem family comes first. just frustrating when my bf has the chillest job for the most part, works with friends, gets to go off and play music once or twice a week with friends… and here i am i get nothing. i’m always here with baby girl.  i wouldn’t change it for the world i love her so much. but sometimes it’s annoying when he is trying to say he needs a break cuz he’s so0o stressed. when he always gets away and has time for himself. i never do and i won’t for a while now until she’s older. just 🙄 it’s done with now tho i said my part to him and again last night after the show we went to. 

so my sister drove me, her bf, my bf and paige down to fort lauderale to see Me First & The Gimmie Gimmies. my sister and i were jumping around until we got pushed into the mosh pit which i was NOT about. i hate mosh pits so much. some guy shoved us in front of him to block us out i guess and zack came rushing over too. then we got safe again lol. not me dancing with some little person randomly. lmao. me, paige and my sister went outside after the first encore song and left cuz we were too hot and needed waters. of course we missed the Billy Joel song cuz we left and went outside. my sister and i were like “play something from the stranger!!!” cuz in the movie Step Brothers when they’re at the Catalina Wine mixer they had that 80s Billy Joel cover band and some man in the crowd was yelling “play something from the stranger!!!” but anyway my bf told me they did play a Billy Joel song of course. so while we were midway thru the show my bf showed me a facebook post. apparently our friend Scott died 😔 it was pretty shocking like i did not ever think that or expect to hear that. he did have heart surgery i remember but idk exactly what happened yet. i told my bf not to worry about it at the show and just have fun. we’ll talk more about it tomorrow (today). my bf told me he had footage i missed of the end of the show where the band had a meltdown on the show. like verbally telling the drummer he was off and basically telling the members they were fucking up on stage. he said it was funny cuz the audience seemed unsure if it was a bit or real. but he said it was real and he has it recorded lol

we got home around 12:30. paige was asking me if i was tired i said i was.  she said okay and that she’d take her stuff and go home then. i think she would have stayed if i were to wanna keep going but i felt exhausted and i wanted to get sober and be back with my baby. she seemed tired too and prob didn’t wanna stay awake stuck with my bf talking her ear off all night lmao. he was talking non stop my sisters bf was like HELP. he always gets like this when he’s drunk. just talkkkkingg.  believe me i’ve dealt with it many times in my life with him. it gets annoying sometimes. but anyways i wanted to go to bed but i had to have a talk with my bf. i told him don’t EVER let his mom put her fingers in my baby’s mouth ever again. that’s so fucking gross and weird. first time i heard her say it in the kitchen “do you wanna taste my finger” or something fucking gross and weird. then to find out she DID it when i wasn’t around. she came in annoyingly one time and was like “did my finger taste good? it probably taste like flower beds from being in the garden all day” WTF. i was raging inside but didn’t say anything. my bf heard it but never paid much attention as usual. so yesterday when he was getting the bed cleaned up for baby to take nap while i was showering, he let her hold sophia. i came out of the shower and was mad cuz i hadn’t gotten to tell him that yet. so who knows what she was doing. but last night after the show i went off. am he even said that’s disgusting and super weird and he will talk to her about it. its so weird and creepy. unsanitary. whack job dude. i can’t. i went off on everything too just saying she’s a weirdo and i don’t give a fu k about her feelings and victim woe is me problems. i said i care only about sophia from here on out. my only concern is her being safe, cared for and happy. i don’t want her to turn out like me. i don’t want her having social anxiety and never doing things in life. i want her to succeed and be social. i want to make sure she grows up and becomes a good person with a big heart. i love my baby girl and i would do anything for her.