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March 29, 2024

pp appointment

postpartum appt at 9am since i had to reschedule last time. i think they look at my stitches down there? 😬 rather them not but i do need to make sure it healed properly down there. baby girl slept better today. yesterday she didn’t sleep til 5am and i didn’t get to sleep til 11am so i was so tired yesterday. some nights are bad and some are okay. she seems to definitely scream and cry more in the evening into the night. bath time at night seems to help her calm down and sleep unless it’s one of those nights where she does not sleep at all. 

so i was thinking about my past. i mean past past, when i was like 16/17 and i was out of regular high school and doing adult education at the college to get diploma. i met this guy there whose name ill keep blank. he was really good looking but not usually my type. he was like “Abercrombie” like or whatever. we went out and he took me to the beach. i had a long distance bf at the time who lived in Orlando. still went out with this guy and we went to the beach where he tried kissing me but i didn’t want to. i backed away and he kept getting in my face and i caved in. i remember i didn’t like it cuz i was feeling guilty about my Orlando bf. he knew i had a bf too which was shitty. he coerced me into having sex with him in the beach which was awful. i remember i couldn’t wait til it was over and i was looking up at the sky singing Billy Joel songs in my head. sand was getting in places, i was getting bit by mosquitoes, it wasn’t comfortable for many reasons. so we do that and it’s time to leave and we’ll what happens? he loses his fucking car keys in the beach and we were like frantically looking for them while i was getting severely attacked by mosquitoes. we walked over to the parking lot where his friend or someone he knew was parked over there. his friend ended up giving us a ride back to my house to drop me off and then back to the guys house that i was with to get the other set of keys from his dad. i sat on his lap in the friends car and i remember he held my hand and i then was like 🥰 i started to think maybe i could have a bf close and go on actual dates and see them every day. well when we went back to school he told me “we’re just friends i thought you understood that”. okay so the guy used me for sex and at the time i was so naive and young. i ended up super mad because i thought he liked me but he just wanted to have sex and i cheated on the Orlando bf just for it to backfire on me. i lost friends at school cuz of it they thought it was shitty if me which it was and basically told me i deserved it. i really wouldn’t go that far bc he coerced me when i didn’t want to. but girls were coming up to me in school asking me if i had sex with him and saying the guy was telling everyone i “pushed him in the sand and got on too of him and started to make out with him” uhhh no. not how it happened at all i said. i was so mad he was telling people lies. so i started to hate this guy. he made sick inside and i avoided him. he would try to talk to me and i wouldn’t reply if just walk away. so i was sitting alone outside school and he was near by flirting with another girl saying the same bullshit he said to me “you’re so pretty you could be a model”… shit like that. anyways he’s so shitty even when i cried to him that beach night, in his truck saying i made a mistake and i cheated and i felt so bad. he said he felt so bad and blah blah. he was trying to go home and i wouldn’t let him. i took his keys and stuff he was begging me to give him keys back cuz his dad would be mad he was still out with the truck and i refused cuz im crazy lol. he then said if i gave him a blowjob he’d stay. wtf? after i cried and shit. i ended up seeing this guy a couple years later at the mall and i wasn’t very nice to him. 

anyways that’s the story of that so i random thought about him and wondered what he was up to and looked him up. apparently he died in 2012. so i looked up anything else i could find to establish it was really the right guy and it was. they have a fb dedicated to posting pics and sending. messages to each other in memory of him. he played guitar for church and seemed super family oriented. funny i saw a comment left by the sister saying she remembers the time he lost his keys… i was there. that was the night she’s referring to. cuz he tried calling her and getting a hold of someone in his family that night. anyways i notice how he seemed like 2 diff dudes. a nice christian family oriented guy but the one i knew was a douche bag who thought he was hot shit. i remember he was gonna start driving me home every day and he talked to my mom and was like “im the guy that’s gonna be driving your daughter home every day” i cringed so hard. 
anyways so i tried finding out how he died but didn’t find anything but people’s comments alluding to a possible car crash and maybe drunk driving. 

so yea that was crazy

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