on and off

on and off rough nights and days with her every other couple days she’ll sleep the entire night and we’ll take long naps together. but some of these nights/days have been rough. one day she was throwing up a lot, screaming fits that would last about 20 mins each, peeing on me and the blankets, uncontrollable screaming and thrashing around. she scratched my face yesterday freaking out so i need to file her nails again. so tiring and what bugs me so much is my bf gets time away from all of this all the time. he gets to go to work where he has an easy ass job and chill for the most part. yea he takes care of the shop but he has it well made. he gets to go to band practice with friends weekly. he is going to a concert on Saturday to see one of his favorite bands. he may be the one making the money to take care of us but when he comes home sometimes saying “i just need a five min break i just got home…” i lose it. like… i get up every night with her while you sleep thru it, i rock her to sleep and stay awake until she’s fully asleep, i feed her 95% of the time, i hear her cry and i rush to her. i handle her screaming fits, you just listen and complain. i get that’s what moms do but dads should do more with that stuff in my opinion. i prefer to do it because i feel im the only one that knows how to do it the right way but initiate help and stop complaining. last night he was snoring so loud i put one of my stuffed animals Reggie over his face and he goes “you woke me up”…………. yea how sorry i am for waking you ✋ like i was awake at 2:30am feeding her and dealing with her screaming. she fell asleep finally at 4am. just went on a tangent when this post wasn’t intended for that it was to document how it’s going so far oops. 

i just get annoyed he gets to go off and do stuff and get away from a crying baby while i get no breaks. he wants to come home complaining he needs a 5 min break from it 🙄 

i won’t just rant about him i also will say he does do a lot so maybe im just being bitchy?….. nah. but i will say he does do other helpful things. he buys all the food, he pays for us and takes care of us, he makes dinner for me cause a lot of the times now a days i am unable to help cook cause of sophia. he takes her on walks the days i am too tired and if he gets out of work early. he deals with the car seat and carrying her around, dealing with the stroller shit i don’t wanna deal with. he takes us to most all of my appointments and all of her appointments. 

i guess maybe we just have different roles in this new chapter but i still hate how i get no sleep and i deal with her tiring moments and he gets breaks from that by going to work and then do fun stuff. i stand by my rant still ✋