another rough night rant

so baby girl had a rough fucking night again. screamed her head off first part of the night and all i get from my bf is “omggg…. what’s wrong with her… ommgggg shhhhhh”. i told him to sh himself. i don’t see you doing anything. i’m trying to calm my baby down and hold her and sing to her and instead of getting your ass up too to try something. anything. help console her. warm a bottle up. anything… nah. he rather getting annoyed that it’s happening. stfu bitch seriously. while he’s laying there in bed doing absolutely NOTHING to help i go and rush in the kitchen to get a bottle and heat it up. i try one of her newer bottles and when i try to feed her it’s going all over her face. so i have to put her down again, her screaming her head off and rush into the kitchen again and swap bottles. i come back and she’s screaming her head off while he just lays there saying “omggg what’s wrong with her”. im so pissed off it makes me not even want to have a date night. fuck him dude seriously. i am always rushing around in the middle of the night getting bottles and doing this and doing that and he sleeps. when she cries he’s usually sleeping thru it and not helping. i finally get her to lay down at 3am. my back is killing me and i lay down too trying to fall asleep. then she’s back to screaming again an hour later. this time screaming bloody murder in pain and im trying to change her and calm her and what does my bf do again? “omgggg” shut the fuck uppppppppppppp yourselffffff. like literally he’s getting irritable about it but again… i’m always the only one doing anything. so i change her and she’s pooping in pain and screaming her heart out and i start getting watery eyes cuz it’s so overwhelming and awful. he finally ended up getting up and getting a bottle. he came back nicer asking what’s wrong and he feels bad etc etc. fuck you. you don’t feel bad enough to try to console her anytime. you don’t help bro. this is supposed to be a team effort as a couple with a new baby and i feel like it’s just me. i am the one who gets up in the middle of the night every night. when she cries you fucking lay there sleeping??? i’m so mad about this. and watch… i’ll bring it up or he’ll be like “you were mean” blah blah. try to turn it around like he WaSssS helping… oh but he got me the bottle. he was hElPiNg. fuck off. 

last night you complained that i asked you to watch her, instead of asking my mom to watch her while i shower and do my hair cuz you wanted “5 mins to relax after work” seriously??? this is your kid too. why not spend time with her. talk to her. console her. hold her. do something with her. all i wanted was to wash my hair and blow dry it cuz i didn’t get to all day. i was taking care of baby all day and had no time to myself either. so he finally agreed to just watch her instead of giving her to my mom. i shower and come back and he complains i wanna blow dry my hair in the room. he rather me go into the hot bathroom where we have a portable fan cuz its that hot in there and stand there blow drying with heat for 45 mins. so he complains he wants to watch a movie and can’t if i blow dry my hair in the room. like??? i finally get a chance to and i can’t even do my hair in the section of room i made specifically for this reason cuz you want to watch a movie. after i snap back about it he says he can play bass while i do it but he needs the chair i’ll be sitting in for my hair……….. so im like fine ill go in the hot bathroom and suffer in the heat so you can watch your fucking movie. i go in there and do my hair and die of heat. my hair is sticking to me cuz it’s so hot and humid in there and doesn’t come out nicely. it was pointless. i couldn’t even do my hair the way i wanted to. i come out of the bathroom and he’s on his phone. not even watching the movie. god i can’t. i can’t take it. i’m so angry so fucking frustrated at him and everyone. sick of his mom sick of him i just fucking don’t wanna be here. i wish i didn’t have to live in this stupid house with anyone. i’m even breaking out from stress. 

edit: just cried and told bf my frustrations and he said he’ll make more effort at night helping. we’ll see how that goes. we have an appt with WIC to help me with formula and stuff since it’s getting so expensive with diapers and formula and this and that. so we have to bring her with us to the appt. i’m so tired i don’t wanna go talk to anyone. i just wanna take naps with my baby :( i feel like im breaking a bit. my blood pressure is super low too like dangerously low so i should probably stop taking the low blood pressure meds. they never really told me when to stop. i’m also barely eating. i don’t eat all day bc it’s like a choice between eating or getting sleep when she naps and i always choose sleep. i’m so tired so very tired