some nights better than others

we got her a co sleeping lounge so she can safely sleep next to us at night. every time she falls asleep and i try to put her in the bassinet, she’d wake up crying. so i’d get up and put her next to me in bed and she’d fall asleep and so would i 😬 not suppose to co sleep with your baby but i did it a couple of times. so we got her the little lounge that elevates her and puts her in a safe space. she slept in that thing the whole night. when i woke her for her 3 hour feeds she’d go right back asleep. bf got her up for her feed at 6:30am and she took maybe 30 mins to sleep but she wasn’t screaming. she was goofing around and eventually fell asleep now. fuck idk why i am up she eats again at 8:45am and i should have slept when she did but i was goofing around myself on my phone. i was on FB and saw this girl who looked familiar. it was the same girl who was my nurse who did my blood pressure check last Monday when i went in for a follow up. it was totally her and she’s dating someone i know. is friends with mutual all around as far as kids i went to school with and people i know.now. random. 

so today my mom is gonna watch baby girl so we can sleep in longer. then we’re going to see about going to the house of brews for a craft beer and an appetizer. then later in the afternoon we’re taking baby girl on a walk in the park. i hope she’s awake this time to see the trees and the animals. we took her on a car ride to run errands yesterday to stimulate her more and she was passed out 😅 then we took her on a walk around the neighborhood and she was passed out again 😝 i wanna get her more stimulation because she sleeps a lot as newborns do and in the early mornings you can tell she gets sick of sleeping and being inside. it’s just she is tired of it in the early AM when it’s night time and i’m extremely tired. so i am thinking on weekends i wanna start taking her to do outdoor activities to see the world. 

some nights have been so hard. no sleep for days. i’m talking an hour and a half at night and maybe 2 hours in day time if i get to take cat naps when she does. it’s brutal and i hear this goes on for 3 months 😭 but they say once you’re passed the new born phase everything gets better and the hardships become a distant memory. let’s hope so cuz i am only working on week 3 next week and it’s really stressful. especially cuz she has appts literally every other day or 2. now they’re spreading out since she’s reaching her weight goals. we moved the feeding up to 70 ml now and she drinks all of it. still every 2 hours during the day and every 3 hours at night. i do the night shifts and my bf does the early mornings. i just have control issues sometimes because i feel no one can do it right. my bf tends to half ass some of the things…. like he only burps her for 30 seconds maybe 1 min. but she needs a longer time. sometimes he has her oddly positioned when feeding her and i just wanna fix it but i don’t wanna sound like im being controlling even tho i very much know how i am. i did tell him he needs to hold her longer and not put her down so quickly after everything. i stay up with her until she sleeps cuz im not comfortable until i know she’s asleep. i am a first time mom and i have no idea what im doing most of the time but i know i love her and want her to be comfortable and happy as i possibly can make her. i would do anything for her. 🥰