power outage

power went out today aka yesterday (12am now) & found out a transformer blew and caught on fire. so none of this street had power on. i ended up fall asleep thru a lot of it. getting feedback from my bf saying it wouldn’t be on til the next night at 8pm and i felt sooo stressed about it. i started getting hot, it was getting dark and i had to use my phone flash light. i wasn’t able to eat lunch because my lunch required heating up. so i skipped lunch and slept. not good bc i need to eat 3 meals a day and check the blood sugar. so i kinda cheated the sugar log by eating 2 boiled eggs and testing it right away instead of 2 hours later. it said 89 so i wrote 89 down 😬 i ate dinner and all that though. power came back on and apparently stopped right at our house and the across the street neighbors. they were working on the rest of the street still. we got lucky.  so relieved i can sleep with ac and power 

still struggling at night to sleep. super restless, waking up and hard to breathe feeling like anxiety attack. sucks so much. waiting on her to drop to my pelvis so i can have some relief in my lung area. when baby drops to pelvis to prepare for birth, breathing is easier cuz the lungs aren’t so crowded. but that also means labor is coming near. scared as hell to give birth. i’m so damn afraid of it. but once she’s here she’s here and that experience will be over with. nervous about about being a mom for the rest of my life. worrying i won’t do it right or that i won’t ever be out of my selfish ways. everyone around me thinks i will be really good and happier. i’m just worried about different things. 

need to buy christmas presents tomorrow, just waiting on money to come in tomorrow.