exhausted

so no good sleep for me for weeks. hard to sleep because of the side effects of 3rd trimester. i hate it so much and it’s really been taking a toll on me. i’m getting more depressed and irritable. i was so exhausted Friday night that i was hoping to sleep well. i didn’t. was restless and antsy all night and had to be on the road to Sarasota at 8:30am. so no good sleep, got up and got ready. my blood sugars were bad at breakfast and dinner because we were on the road and i didn’t have a choice in healthy options. i’m bothered by that. my lunch numbers were good. we got to Mums and chatted and caught up. she gave me so many cute clothes and and the bassinet, swing and mini portable bassinet she got from her friends kid’s kids who outgrew them. so i’ll have spare one for my moms new house. we went out to lunch at this place called Pier 22 i think. i ordered zucchini pasta and some calamari. i thought the calamari might spike my sugars cuz its breaded and fried but my numbers were good at lunch. being at that restaurant is the first time ive gotten stared at since pregnant. these women near our table were taking many looks at me while sipping on their wine. we went back to Mums and talked some more. my bf and her got along great and i knew they would cuz my bf is real. he has stories to tell and since they’re both from Jensen and Stuart they had all kinds of shit to talk about. 

it made me laugh cuz they were talking about old sheriffs in Martin County and she said she really liked this one and she couldn’t remember the name of him but expressed she really liked him. so my bf starts talking about how he was a cop that grew pot and was heavy into the distribution of it. he said he went to high school and the sons were always selling it at school and my grandma be like 😧 she was quickly like what all this time i thought…. he was telling her all the backstory and the inside info. it was really funny. the ride home was just as bad as the trip up. i tried staying awake for my brother who was driving us. we were so tired and my eyes kept falling. but i forced so hard to stay up to make sure he’s ok driving etc. he said it got tough too because he didn’t get a lot of sleep either. my bf got on my damn nerves tho on the way back. he and Mum had some cocktails at the house so he was drink acting too silly and it was annoying. like i felt like i was in the car with a boy. i got so irritated and my brother was getting irritated too. like when he gets drunk sometimes he plays too much and it’s like okay enough. it’s worse when you’re sober and dealing with drunk people. luckily he fell asleep for a good while. still woke up and annoying me. we got Arby’s and my sugar spike was bad of course. it was 131 but the breakfast one was fucking high as hell it was 157 i think or 147 something. so i wrote “roadtrip” next to the numbers so the OB knows. 

fasting number wasn’t good either this morning and neither was my breakfast one. so i’m in a bad mood over it. i finally took naps tho today and i feel less tired and got some sleep in. i ate lunch and waiting to check the blood sugar at 3:46. tonight we’re having a healthy dinner. salmon, red mashed potatoes and asparagus. then his mom is making some New Year dinner she makes every year. i gotta kinda annoyed when his mom was talking about crab legs and shrimp for it tomorrow and my bf said “kaley can’t have those things” and she goes “it’d be healthy for you but anyway”. um idk if im overly sensitive for being annoyed by that comment but like?? i’m pregnant and am not supposed to eat raw seafood. thats a risk for my babies health and i’ve been doing everything i can to make sure im doing, eating and exercising the best ways i can to keep her healthy in there. idk if it’s cuz she’s not been pregnant and doesn’t know the safety precautions for preg women bc my bf was adopted by her. or if it’s an age thing. but i took offense to it. i feel a better response would have been “oh im sorry okay” or nothing at all. 🙄 maybe im being too sensitive. i was so tired and have been from the lack of sleep and pregnancy pains. so she should be here at around 4 more weeks. says 5 on the app cuz that’s calculating 40 weeks but i’ll prob be induced at 39. next weekend we’re preparing her arrival and setting up her bassinet, swing and car seat. 

35 weeks

Christmas

had a pretty relaxed Christmas. my mom was working unfortunately so we wanted to wait for her before anyone opened gifts and obviously to eat Christmas dinner. our tree, although skinny since that’s all there really was this year at Home Depot, we did our best with it and once the presents kept getting wrapped daily and put under it, it filled it up and looked better. 

it’s funny i never thought id be one to ask for kitchen supplies for christmas but becoming pregnant and diagnosed during with “pregnancy diabetes” it caused me to make my own dinners that follow the diet. so if i have to cook which i do not care for, id want really cute items to cook with. so i asked for (been asking for actually a long time now) these kawaii, pink cat knife set. the handles are cat paws 🥺 i can’t. so his mom got me those, he got me pink kitchen utensils that come in a pink holder which i also wanted to match up. and the big one i wanted was a Keurig. unfortunately there were no pink but they had a sea foam green which matches the kitchen. so he bought me my coffee machine and now we be making coffees all the time again. at home when we use to love at the old house id make coffees with our old one multiple times daily and i missed that. saves money too cuz Dunkin every morning is costly. i still wanna set up a cute little coffee area in the kitchen so thats my next project. bfs next project is to clear out some guitars out of the room (thank God) and clean up to put the bassinet together to make an area for Sophia when she arrives. which is soon as fuck. ideally 5-6 more weeks and she’s here already so i want to start on that early this month. 

my bf got me these boots i wanted from Dolls Kill and man looking at them you wouldn’t think it would add like 4-5 inches of height but when i put them on… i look tall af lmao. my sister is like 5’6-5’7 and she looks looks like an amazon woman. they’re so cute tho. 

my birthday is coming up so i changed my wishlist from kaley christmas 2023 to kaley bday 2024. oh yea and there’s NY. ☹️ can’t party it up this year but damn time goes by. as said before, Sophia will be here prob end of Jan (still hoping Feb) but they might want me to have her early bc i am on insulin and have GD. or she just might be ready to greet the world sooner. you never know. i do know it’s getting cramped in there for her because she moves around like crazy and sometimes violently. 

symptoms so far i’d say are:

•painful sciatica.  it’s always hurt but not this bad. 

•lower back pain is awful. 

•emotional for no reason. i was wrapping presents alone, not thinking anything sad, but started to ugly cry out of no where while wrapping. felt like some bit in a comedy romance. just couldn’t hold it back and sobbed. 

•false contractions that make my stomach tighten and it hurts and is super uncomfortable. 

•harder to walk now so i am not too keen on my walks but i force them after dinner (at least)

•i notice my voice has lowered since 2nd and 3rd trimester. and gives out like im sick or something. 

•belly button is really starting to stick out now which disturbs me. 

•the mother of all… i can’t breathe well. hard to sleep every night feeling like i am panicking cuz i can’t breathe. my lungs are super crowded now and it’s miserable. that’s my number 1 thing i hate the most and can’t wait i fix. 

i haven’t had any feet or ankle swelling like a lot of pregnant women go thru. might be my strict diet helping control that or maybe it’ll come closer to the very end, idk. but i’m glad. 

34 weeks

Thursday bf had a show and he said he’d rather me not go cuz it was at a smokey bar and didn’t want me around that. which i didn’t wanna go there anyway cuz he was getting a ride from band friend. i stayed home and had a plan anyway. my family planned on getting him a new tv for christmas for our room. i guess the tv gift is for me too but i am not much of a tv watcher i am a youtube watcher. our old tv was my old one in my bedroom and it was around 5 years old. so it was pretty laggy and would shut off internet connection when turning it on and we’d have to reset the system. or it would turn off completely for no reason in the middle of watching something. it was needing to be replaced. so he went to play his gig and my brother and i had it ordered and ready for pick up that night. we bought it from best buy and even tho we never got the ready to pick up confirmation, we went there to try and get it anyway because the store was closing in an hour and we wanted to set it up for him so when he came home it’d be all set up as a surprise. we got there and stood there for about 30 mins cuz it wasn’t ready and they had to go and get it. not only the tv but my brother got some huge alienware gaming monitor that like curves. so we waited in that too. everyone in my family got their pricey gifts from my mom early. i got my new airpods, bro got the monitor and sister got a nespresso machine. got the tv and monitor and tried setting the tv up on the wall and the mount didn’t fit where the screws were in the tv. so we just set it on the desk. he came home and was like “what’s going on here” and he was so happy. 

Friday i had my weekly NST test to check on baby and again she was doing great. was only a 20 min test because she was active enough to get heart rate readings. she’s doing so well i am so glad. it seems to help to have some coffee before the appointment to make sure she’s awake. afterwards we went to buy a new wall mount, get food stuff for Christmas dinner and run errands. so that wall mount didn’t line up with the screws on the tv either. but it should have cuz it was made for our tv size. 

Saturday we took it back and are gonna get a simple one off of amazon. not any kind that moves the tv around. he just wants a simple one so the tv sticks on wall. we got more stuff for dinner for Christmas and we ran into Jenni and Freddie. funny enough they actually dropped off a bunch of diapers and baby stuff for us but we were sleeping. so we both messaged them and thanked them and then we bump into them at the store lol. i saw her baby and man is she tiny and cute. it’s gearing me up for my own tiny cute baby. i went thru some of the things they dropped off and there are so many cute things. cute little hats were my fave. 

i wrapped presents, baked sugar free brownies and we watched Christmas Vacation. 

i sent in my blood sugar results so far to Dr on Friday morning so that i can catch the OB before the holidays. she told me to continue with 28 units of insulin unless it is still high for 2-3 more days, then on the 26th bump it to 30 units. yesterday it was high at 112 but today it was 85 👏 so she’s right about it trying to kick in and work. i will be cheating on Christmas dinner and having some mashed potatoes. 

tonight my entire family is packing in my moms SUV to drive around and look at Christmas lights. so me, bf, my mom, bro, zack and sister are going along for the ride. i love christmas and will be sad to see it go already. 

power outage

power went out today aka yesterday (12am now) & found out a transformer blew and caught on fire. so none of this street had power on. i ended up fall asleep thru a lot of it. getting feedback from my bf saying it wouldn’t be on til the next night at 8pm and i felt sooo stressed about it. i started getting hot, it was getting dark and i had to use my phone flash light. i wasn’t able to eat lunch because my lunch required heating up. so i skipped lunch and slept. not good bc i need to eat 3 meals a day and check the blood sugar. so i kinda cheated the sugar log by eating 2 boiled eggs and testing it right away instead of 2 hours later. it said 89 so i wrote 89 down 😬 i ate dinner and all that though. power came back on and apparently stopped right at our house and the across the street neighbors. they were working on the rest of the street still. we got lucky.  so relieved i can sleep with ac and power 

still struggling at night to sleep. super restless, waking up and hard to breathe feeling like anxiety attack. sucks so much. waiting on her to drop to my pelvis so i can have some relief in my lung area. when baby drops to pelvis to prepare for birth, breathing is easier cuz the lungs aren’t so crowded. but that also means labor is coming near. scared as hell to give birth. i’m so damn afraid of it. but once she’s here she’s here and that experience will be over with. nervous about about being a mom for the rest of my life. worrying i won’t do it right or that i won’t ever be out of my selfish ways. everyone around me thinks i will be really good and happier. i’m just worried about different things. 

need to buy christmas presents tomorrow, just waiting on money to come in tomorrow. 

33 weeks

even tho the weight isn’t accurate i’m still doing these since i have been since since the beginning 

32 week ultrasound

both appointments went great. everything with baby is good. she weighs 4 lbs and 11 ounces so far and the OB said she’s great, she’s not too big and not too small. 

she upped my insulin though to 26 units. the ultrasound tech was great because she actually left the doppler on my stomach so i could watch her move inside my stomach. i got to see her open her mouth like she was yawning. the tech said she went photo happy and got lots of pics and i said that’s totally cool since last time we didn’t get any. today she was active and doing cute things. this was the more emotional ultrasound appointments because she now looks like a full on baby and is doing baby things i got to see. she got lots of compliments on her nose. she has my nose and side profile. so glad everything so far is looking good for her. according to the results of my appt it says delivery at 39 weeks. so just like the midwife said they’ll probably want to induce me a week early. if there’s any other complications or concerns then shell need to come out earlier. i hope not tho i really want a Feb baby even tho it lookslike she might be late Jan. 

NST test appt went well too. they hooked my belly up to the monitor to keep watch of the heart beat and she was doing well and moving around so i didn’t have to stay there for an hour or 2. i was on there for maybe 30 mins. i could hear her moving inside and kicking me. weird to see and hear at the same time. 

picked up my thank you cards and filled them all out tonight except a couple. i’m so exhausted right now. we ran all over the area to get stuff done. i sold a top off depop and mailed that. the mail lady said congrats to me ^-^

i need to go christmas shopping tomorrow but i gotta pass out im so tired 

prenatal appt

went for my 2 week check up this morning and heartbeat was 150. she didn’t say out loud how my stomach measured this time so idk what it is, but i assume it’s measuring normal since she didn’t say anything bad about it. i haven’t gained that much since my last 2 week appointment. hmm i hope that’s okay. she was talking to me about possibly inducing me a week early if needed which is :( i wanted her to be a February baby but she might be a January baby like me. i think the OB will talk to me about that on Friday since im getting closer. 

i was having old brown blood come out but i believe thats due to intimacy. i told her and she said thats normal after intimacy to possibly bleed lightly. as long as it isn’t heavy bleeding and cramping which it wasn’t. it’s already gone and only lasted half a day. my OB bumped me up to 22 units and my blood sugar/fasting number was good one day then today high again. so i’ll tell her this when i see her on Friday. so basically what im gathering is if i still am not fully controlled with my blood sugar levels they will want to induce me early or encourage me to try and get induced myself by taking something. i can’t remember what but im starting to get a bit scared.  i’m terrified of giving birth due to pain which is horribly bad and i am scared cuz once she’s here that’s reality and that’s when my life will be changed. having a child is forever. they’ll be baby then grow up and become their own person and i need to be a good parent for the rest of my life. i’m getting scared of the change and responsibilities. i know ill adapt but it’s just reality is here in full force soon. 

photo dump ^-^

lights

went downtown to look at christmas lights this weekend 

32 weeks

8 months pregnant now. she’s gonna be here so soon i’m nervous. 

no trip this weekend

can’t sleep as usual. was waking every night at 3am-ish. not it’s moved to 4am-ish. feels like i am having anxiety attacks. shortness of breath like im not breathing enough. i think my lungs are just crowded… idk but its so annoying. i’m really tired but can’t fall asleep, can’t get get comfortable no matter what. 

so no trip to Mum’s cuz my brother’s flu symptoms got worse. so we decided to go next Saturday ugh. keep putting it off, feels like it’ll never happen lol. i texted her and she was understanding of course. we made dinner last night and my brother didn’t even stick around to eat cuz he fell so sick.  my mom seems better but still coughing. my cough isn’t as bad as it was for like 3 weeks. i wasn’t even sick like them it was just this cough that was there. so since tomorrow is no trip, my bf and i are gonna walk around downtown and look at christmas lights and to just walk around and get out in general. 

tried to get my thank you cards printed yesterday but the man at Office Depot was no help. says they don’t print stuff for people anymore? only way to do it is to upload it to the website and blah blah. well we ran into this problem last night with the baby shower invitations, but the girl just had us email her and she printed them up for us, gave us a low price and extras. like this old man just sucked. so we left and called around and why is everyone’s printers down at the same time?? we called a couple places and they all said the same thing. so we called an independent company and she was really nice, told us she can absolutely print our cards up but we’ll have to pick them up next week. so i emailed the templates and she’s gonna get back to us with a quote and stuff. might not be as cheap as when we got the invitations but that was just lucky. 

got christmas tree finally. i have been waiting for christmas tree and since we aren’t going in our trip, we got our tree to decorate tonight. 

my bf keeps commenting how i look so normal with certain clothes on or from the back. like i look small, not pregnant whatsoever. but then i turn or have the right clothes on and my stomach is out. i also had fishnets on and when i took my clothes off i told him my stomach looked like a holiday ham or turkey all wrapped in the wiring. 😭 

normal looking

then bam. baby in stomach 

she’s been kicking me a lot and sometimes it’s weird. feels really weird and her limbs can be felt in full force. kinda creepy sometimes but kinda fun. i played music today in the car while i was waiting on my bf to come back from the guitar shop and she was dancing ^-^

mini trip

Mr Dabs has currently made himself at home on my pregnancy pillow and my baby’s clothes 

tomorrow going to make a list of everyone who bought off of my registry and came to my baby shower. or just bought me things in general for baby. i picked out a template and gonna buy it tonight. i’m going to edit it so it just says “thank you” across and a blank space, below it “love kaley and joe”. so i can write whatever i want to the person receiving the card. i wanted my invites and thank you cards more personal and not just “thanks” have a card. going to have them printed tomorrow and when i get back from my mini road trip to see Mum, i’ll work on them and send them out.  

so we’re going to visit Mum on Saturday, provided my brother is feeling better. my mom got sick with the flu and gave it to my brother. i’m glad i got that flu shot, man. so going to visit her a few hours away for the day. going to have lunch up there with her and spend the day. it’s her and my bf’s first time meeting. i wanted him to come too since he’s the father and i thought it would be important for him to come as well. she’s apparently giving us a second swing and bassinet. some other baby clothes as well. her friend’s daughter had a girl so i’m getting more free clothes. i already went thru the bag of donated clothes and kept what was cute or what was in excellent condition. my bf went out to donate the rest before work. so ill do the same here with this batch. 

i’m feeling down about stuff and it’s something that won’t go away, this i know. i hold onto past stuff too much. obsess over it and im not proud of how i am handling some of it but it needs to be handled. i just wish i didn’t feel like this. harping on it nearly every day now. i just want to be happy and happy with my little family i have starting soon. 

loved

i can’t believe how much we have gotten for my baby already. lots of people spoiled us with lots of cute goods for her and i couldn’t be more appreciative. 

some items i got from bfs work friends 

 so damn cute omg. the bottles too have pandas on them and i collect them. doubt they knew that so it was pure luck. Aubri & Alex got us all this, plus diapers, a book & the high chair off of my registry. they went all out man 🥰

so much love from his work friends i can’t. 😭 

so far off and on registry we’ve gotten:

-2 baby walkers

-2 bassinets

-stroller

-2 swings

-rocker

-bottle pack

-outfits

-bottle warmer

-baby play mat

-toys

-pillow

-blankets

-wash cloths

-playpen

-diaper bag

-baby bath

-car seat/carrier

-high chair

so much needed items. still need a crib but not for a while and a changing table. 

31 weeks

baby shower

i am beat. exhausted from the past few days of setting up, creating, planning my baby shower. it turned out so pretty though thanks to friends & family. i was so glad Sophia came & i got to see her. haven’t seen her since her wedding & meeting her 6 year old daughter… so damn, haven’t seen her in at least 6 years she drove all the way over here for my baby shower & im blessed. sometimes i get down or scared of having my baby but then there are instances like today where i see my friends interacting with their daughters. its so cute. i got lots of items from our friend Cristina. she gave us lots of her daughters old clothes and toys. so many cute items too. my other friends who bought me items last minute off my registry are surprisingly some of the more pricey items. i took a peak & they went all out. so damn nice. my daughter has it all almost. she’s got so much shit lol. it was really special but i’m glad it’s over. i’m so exhausted and drained. i’m ready to enjoy my December & Christmas time now. minus all the appts.