sigh

feeling overwhelmed and anxious. woke up againnnn before the sun came up and felt restless and hard to breathe. feels like panic attack. i could feel it even in my dreams when i finally fell back asleep. lots of tossing and turning. worrying about my blood sugar and all that. i’m afraid if i fail at this or it doesn’t go well something will be wrong with my baby. 

my fasting number again this morning was 104. still high and idk what i’m doing wrong. the late night snack i had was goat cheese which i kinda don’t like but kinda do at around midnight. i had the atkins bar as a snack too around 9 or so. i’m going to try not to eat any snacks super late and see if that changes my fasting numbers. next test if that doesn’t work im going to have a protein bar, if that fails im gonna try to drink water every time i get up to go to the bathroom in the night. if those fail im going to have to tell the drs & they might just put me on insulin. my placenta is blocking it i guess. i cried this morning briefly cuz im feeling stressed and overwhelmed by all this. strict eating at strict times, pricking my finger 4 times a day and now possibly insulin shots daily on top of that. i’m worried about possibly having to give birth early and having a possible c section. i am just anxious all the time about this. 

also i ate the same breakfast as yesterday but my reading was 112, so i tested it again and it said 102??? so is the device not accurate or is that normal to be fluctuating that amount? i’m still under 120 but like what if it said 125 but a second reading said below 120? so is my blood sugar high or low. now i am unsure how accurate my other readings were. i bought the solution online to test the accuracy of the device to make sure its running properly. if it is not then ill need to tell the doctors. if it is then i guess those fluctuations don’t mean much. 

i’m tired and stressed out. depressed and anxious.