can’t sleep

woke up as usual every night and feel like it’s hard to breathe and my stomach is uncomfortable each way i try to lay down. so i’m laying here and i hear my bf say in his sleep “fuck you”, while pointing in the air and then goes “just kidding, thank you”. wtf. 

so i got my hair done yesterday and my sister came since i still haven’t fixed my car tag. i’m kind of thinking ill just keep getting rides and stuff because i don’t want to pay for a new tag for this year when i literally have to turn around and pay for the new one in January in my birthday. so she stuck around too cuz my sister is a talker so i feel like i don’t have to make conversation. my sister has all kinds of things to talk about cuz her job and stuff keeps her life super interesting. mine in the other hand is just about this pregnancy. so it was easier for her to be there to keep me and hair stylist entertained. i asked her to make my hair super duper light blonde. kinda showed her a pic and she did just that. used only bleach and no gloss or anything. it looks good and i’m happy with it, especially for baby shower. so i have my dress and my hair done. she didn’t cut my hair cuz she said i honestly don’t really need to do it. since i’ve been keeping up with it and getting it trimmed properly each hair visit. 

got home and when bf got home we made chili for dinner FL got to 67f at the high today and 50s at night and figured chili is good for that. also its quick to make. we stopped by store and i got some chocolate syrup thats sugar free to put on my carb smart ice cream 😭 then we started finishing the flowers. so we made 5 or 6 big flowers and my mom made the smaller ones that are going inside the big flowers to make them look even more full. they turned out pretty good for being paper. then we have to attach them to the stems tomorrow my bfs mom made. Thursday we’re gonna go to Paulseidons after bf and my mom are off work to decorate some. then going back Friday for finishing up decorating. cooking food for Saturday and ordering the platters. 

now i just wish i could sleep thru the nights. my second trimester was great i was sleeping so well for the most part but third trimester, forget it. im constantly waking around 3-4 am every night, tossing around trying to get comfortable and trying to breathe. not suppose to sleep on my back but i find myself laying on my back or waking up on my back a lot. my stomach is getting bigger and bigger each day 😭 

getting overwhelmed

so many fucking appts and i’m not here for it. i have to start doing the non stress test to monitor baby’s heart rate activity every single week til i give birth. so they scheduled me for every friday starting the 15th. the 15th i have an ultrasound appt at 11am 40 mins away. then i have to rush over to the hospital back down here 40 mins back for a 1PM non stress test appt. so dec 15th is busy af. 

i have another 2 week prenatal appt in the morning on dec 13th. and at some point it’s gonna drop to every week. so it’ll end up being 2 appts every week. 

rushing to finish baby shower decorations. need to be done by Wed cuz we’re going to Paulseidons to start decorating on Thursday night and friday night. Saturday is the baby shower. 

Dec 9th, me, bf and brother are driving 3 hours to Tampa to visit my grandma for a day then coming back that night. 

had my prenatal appt this morning and everything checked out good. tomorrow i have a hair appointment to get my hair highlighted for my baby shower and in general. 

it’s just a lot and i’m getting overwhelmed. 

like damn, every single friday morning i lay there hooked up to some belt and machine for up to an hour. helppp 😔

30 weeks

10 more weeks or less to go. depending on when she wants to come out or when the drs think she should. 

went to my bfs show last night with my sister. lots of friends there and coming up to me being nice. i was so tired & my belly was sore. she was moving and dancing inside my stomach while her dad played in his band. she was all over the place. i was so hot and ready to go though by this time so we left but my bf had to stay a little longer since the last band was using his amp. 

before the show 

after the show zzzz

Thanksgiving

we went to the park after eating to feed the animals. i ended up eating some foods that were not GD friendly and i did take too long to walk after so my blood sugar was 138 :( the OB did say i could have a cheat day for Thanksgiving but to stick to one bad carbed food. i ended up having 3 😶 i even had some apple pie and ice cream today 😕 but i walked for like 30-40 mins tonight. blood sugar was still over 120 but not by too much (127). i had my fix tho til Christmas dinner. back to strict tomorrow. 

we found a cat on yesterday’s walk.

 it was a kitten that came right up to us and had a collar on. we tried to read the tag but the cat was ornery about us touching his neck. other than that he was friendly and followed us a bit. weird thing was is there was a plastic bag full of kitten food spilled out on the ground near by. so we walked back home to grab a cat carrier to take the cat home to try and locate the owners the next day but when we got back the cat was gone. so my bf posted pics of the cat on FB missing pets group and someone replied saying it was their cat Mochi. they said the cat is an indoor outdoor cat and she was glad we didn’t take her cuz her kids would be devastated. ummm? my beef with that was why are you letting your kitten roam around, crossing busy roads? like outdoor okay whatever but if you find your young cat is crossing busy roads and wandering around looking lost, maybe keep the cat indoors. it looked too young. too that off why was there a ziplock bag of cat food on the ground?? odd shit. everyone commented on the post my bf made and was ragging in her for allowing her baby cat to roam wherever and cross the street over to the elementary school. 

also on the walk we saw this weird string of lights gliding across the sky. my bf says it was a string of satellites that are being sent out to space. idk much about that shit. my bf is way into it lol

first insulin injection

so i injected the insulin now hoping my fasting numbers are better. she started me off low so it might not do anything idk. we’ll see when i check blood sugar around 8am. 🤞🏼

i’ve been struggling with negative thoughts & feeling super depressed. the baby took my mind off of things for a small period of time tonight cuz she was kicking the hell out of me. instead of bumps, i can now feel her limbs like actual edges of her hands or feet. it’s a little weird honestly. kinda scary and uncomfortable but cool too. 

peaked at my registry tonight. found out who bought what & looks like by father got the stroller & swing. he bought the more expensive items. big Sophia bought me a bottle warmer, playmat & more too. the gifts she chose weren’t cheap either. was pretty impressed. bfs mom bought the baby tub thing & Mum got the car seat which i knew of. so far 10 big items have been bought and waiting on them to arrive. we’re going to work on the big flowers we’re making this week i think. planning food this week too & i still need to get a dress. picked like 3-4 out. might buy like 2 & return whatever one i end up not wearing. 

29 weeks

i’ve started to get more baby shower gifts in the mail. today i received a baby swing and today we have to pick up a car seat/baby carrier from Target that Mum got me from my registry. she said there was an issue trying to ship it here for some reason. i pick up my insulin tomorrow to start insulin shots before bed. fun…

i still have this cough and it’s still hard to talk sometimes without feeling like coughing. i’m not sick though so idk why this is still happening over 2 weeks later. i started taking cough medicine safe for pregnancy. it helps a little. this morning my belly hurt so bad. if i lay on one side during sleep and try to switch sides it hurts so bad. also had some ligament pains after intimacy last night. so maybe i stretched it too much idk but it feels like muscle cramps all over my stomach. she isn’t moving too much yet today. she was super violent yesterday morning. the kicked me or punched me like a boxer multiple times in a row and i was kinda scared for a moment. like it was startling and more so than usual. i think about 30 weeks the movements start to get very known. is she a boxer or is she a dancer? 

got more incense. tried gathering more fall & winter scents. we had points from the store so we got free 10 more. walking out with 20. we went to pick up stuff for a couple dinners this week & while at the store a lady walked up to me & said “you look very beautiful & with the baby you look even more beautiful”. very nice of her to say. even though compliments make me nervous, it does lift me up a bit. during this pregnancy & even before i was feeling super low about how i look. very negative, very zero confidence. so pregnancy bringing on so much ugly things like breaking out, stomach roundness & milk leaks i feel gross. the slack on putting myself together & just not feeling happy enough to put on makeup. then there’s jealousy of other pretty women. feeling ugly in comparison. compliments coming from strangers who don’t have to say anything at all but do means a lot. bf, family etc should mean more than things a stranger says but strangers don’t have to go up to you and out of their way to say nice things. which makes me feel like what they say is true. idk if that’s how i should be thinking but it’s a way to look at it. that being said i do try to put some effort sometimes 

baby is measuring good

ultrasound appt this morning. so she looked at my blood sugar results so far and was super impressed with my meal numbers. she said “i love you, can we just keep you here to tell everyone else what to do”. that made me feel so much relief. the amount of times i’ve beat myself up over a spike once or twice or higher than i’d personally like. i’m doing really well with the diet. the fasting numbers she said can’t be helped because it’s hormones and stuff. so she is putting me on insulin at night before bed. i have to inject it into my stomach. wanted to start on it asap but my pharmacy had to call it in and order it. so i’ll start insulin on Monday night. 

no ultrasound pictures because couldn’t get good ones. baby Sophia was not cooperating. she had her back turned the whole time and i saw her little foot tapping. saw her spine super clearly and her head. she weighs 2 lbs and 14 ounces which they said was great. her heart rate was slower than i am use to seeing but it’s still in the normal range. 136 bpm. so it seemed as if she was sleeping or relaxing and didn’t wanna be bothered. stubborn baby. i go back in 4 weeks for another ultrasound to check on her growth. she told me i was allowed to have a cheat day on Thanksgiving and just pick one bad food i like the most and stick to that then walk extra. 

so got a surprise text, well my bf did. it said “hi this is sophia” and bf was like uhhh is she texting from the womb.  my initial reacting was like sophia who? cuz i didn’t think about my childhood friend she was named after coming since she lives 3 hours away. i figured it was someone who got invited somehow. then bf was like “Sophia”  i was so shocked. she’s actually going to make the 3 hour drive and come for my baby shower. she asked about bringing her husband and 6 year old. i am so happy because again, my baby was named after her. i haven’t seen big Sophia since her wedding in like 2016. that’s so fucking nice man. part of me was dreading my baby shower but now i’m not. 

busy

went to my prenatal appt. last 4 week appointment, now it’s every 2 weeks. so i have another about on the 27th. then the next day i have my hair appt. so she did the usual… measuring my belly and documenting the baby’s heart rate. my belly measurement is 29cm. 26-30cm is good, midwife said she had a growth spurt. her heart rate was 141 bpm. so far everything is looking good. i gave her my blood sugar test results so far and my blood pressure. she said all the numbers are great, but the fasting ones will be looked at by the OBGYN. she thought it was weird that they never called about my appointment as well. so she said she’s gonna make the call. so she went and called them and she said if i don’t hear from them by the afternoon to call her and tell her. but they ended up calling today and i have a ultrasound appointment on Friday. she tried getting me in the closer obgyn but they called and said it was the further away one 😫 i’ll be getting up a bit earlier that morning. so the ultrasound will be measuring her growth to make sure she is not growing to big too quickly since i have GD. they’ll talk to me about possible insulin injections and medications. the medicine that i’m already taking so they’ll probably up it. we’ll see. 

busy fucking month man. Friday ultrasound appt, 23rd thanksgiving, 27th prenatal appt, 28th hair appt then my baby shower is the 2nd of dec. so i still have to get with my friend to make some of the decorations. the Friday before my baby shower we’re gonna decorate so it’s all up for Saturday. gotta get the food and put it out early on Saturday too. still haven’t gotten my baby shower dress idk what im gonna do yet. i still haven’t gotten my insurance or tag renewed since i can’t afford it right now. storage unit bill came out and so did the phone bill. so we can’t afford it right now. was trying to ask bf for help but his insurance bs is costing so much he can’t help right now. so i’m without a car for a couple weeks which sucks cuz i need it for my appts. unless my sister or bf can take me. mad my brother is still taking my car out to get food. if he gets pulled over again it’s over. 

dinner

dinner tonight was pork chops, zucchini, squash, mushrooms, spinach and brown rice.

i tried portion sizing like the diagram showed. walked 10 mins & my blood sugar score was 97 ✅ my eating numbers are good just not the damn fasting ones. 

appt in the morning & bf taking me. gonna mention the fasting numbers & say they still never called to schedule my ultrasound appt. annoying. 

dinners

dinner been kinda like this lately. whole grain rice, vegetables, meat (no red). caffeine free diet coke as a treat. 

i did change it up and made alfredo with shrimp and chicken using whole grain penne pasta. man it was so good. rice and quinoa get kinda old after some time. god i can’t wait to not have to be THIS strict on my diet. i’m going to still eat this diet after birth to keep type 2 diabetes away. because once you have GD and give birth… GD goes away but future is risky for type 2 d. so i’ll be eating the same diet which is fine. but i’ll have more options like ill be able to eat sushi again and different ways of eating fish. i’ll be able to be a wine mom and have wine with my dinner or while cooking. it’ll be less strict than now where im strict, schedules and constantly carb counting. 

i feel overwhelmed still. a lot happening so fast. my grandma called and asked me to call back when i’m feeling up to it to talk about baby girl things she’s been collecting from her friends daughters baby. she’s gonna send it all to me which is super nice and helpful. i just hate talking on the phone and acting upbeat. my normal voice can sound unhappy even though i feel the opposite. so it takes hard effort to ramp it up. the maternal fetal medicine people still haven’t called me. i need that fucking appointment. i go in for my last 4th week prenatal appointment before it becomes every 2 weeks tomorrow morning. if they haven’t called im gonna tell the midwife they still haven’t called and personally put in the request at the desk. this is the second request that had been mentioned and still no appointment call. my fasting numbers are still high and i need that looked at asap. 

so this lady my bf got into a shouting match with down the street 6 months ago while he was driving home and she was walking. i wasn’t there so i don’t get what really happened but she was walking and he was driving and she started shouting at him about her walking when he had a stop sign but he said something like it was a stop and go situation where they both tried going at the same time. usually when that happens people laugh and let the other person go. but she was shouting and cursing and my bf did so back. this happened so long ago. well when we were going for my after lunch walk she was walking ahead of us with her kid. she walks to the school to pick her up. we were some feet behind. not close or anything. but as we were walking the daughter turns around and looks at us, then the mom does. so it’s obvious the mom was talking about us to the kid. then the daughter looks back again and they start speeding up. ????  as they enter their property my bf said a guy turned around from the house and looked over at us. wtf? like she acted all scared of us and scaring her kid in the process by saying whatever it was she was saying. like bitch we are over it? you and bf arguing happened maybe a bit more than half a year ago. why are you speeding up and having your kid look back as us and acting fearful lol. for one we were just walking, me with a frilly pink dress on with my preggo belly round as ever. like what is wrong with you? got that kid scared as fuck. that day of the argument after they were arguing, my bf and i were headed out and she had picked her kid up and started to yell at him again as we were getting in the car with her daughter in hand. like why are you doing this with your kid, looking scared as hell. she shouldn’t haven said anything and just walked in and moved on. my bf yelled back to have a nice day and proceeded to say great parenting. the whole thing was stupid. so that was odd anyways. move on jesus christ. lol so weird. 

3rd trimester / 28 weeks

can’t believe i’m in the 3rd trimester now. last and final phase of pregnancy. 28 weeks & very nervous and scared about giving birth 

nutritionist

went to meet with the nutritionist Friday & she was really nice. i knew it though… i was already on the right track and doing everything she said. she gave me a pamphlet and it shows that i need to eat more vegetables. the plate servings should be mainly vegetables, next protein then complex carbs. the chart was helpful though cuz it listed everything good and bad to eat on this diet. i knew most of it but seeing it all down was easier. i also have to count carbs now. 15-30g carbs each main meal and 10-15g carbs per snack. i am confused cuz she said the fasting numbers aren’t as important as the meal time numbers. but everything i have ready says otherwise. fasting numbers need fixed and are important to maintain because that’s a lot of hours that go by that sugar is just building up and getting into the placenta to my baby. so im still waiting on maternal fetal medicine to call and schedule an appointment with me to get another ultrasound and to talk about my fasting numbers. ill go with what the doctor says over the nutritionist obviously. but at least i went and now the drs will get off my back about going. i wasn’t even told to come back since i was already doing the diet apparently. she just gave me her card and said to call if i have questions. 

i’m so tired right now i barely slept. i’ve been having a hard time sleeping and getting comfortable because i feel like i am having an anxiety attack and can’t breathe idk if it’s just the shortness of breath due to my lungs getting more squashed or if it’s straight anxiety. 

so bf walked next door ti his work to the insurance place and got a quote for my auto insurance. expensive cuz of my credit 😞 i honestly don’t think i even have much built up cuz i don’t use credit cards. come to think of it i have never had my own insurance. it’s always been under my moms name in the past. so i might need it to be under someone else’s name again. gonna try another one that bfs boss recommended in the next town. otherwise, yep, gonna have to be under somebody else’s name cuz i gotta have insurance and get this tag fixed i can’t be without car. 

made an appt with the nutritionist 🙄 don’t wanna go but at least my bf can go with me friday to that. still waiting on maternal fetal medicine to call so i can make an appt to talk to the specialist obgyn and get ultrasound to make sure baby sophia is growing properly and not too big or anything. i followed another recommendation from reddit and tested again to try and get my fasting numbers down. so the key for them is to drink protein shake before bed. i went out last night with bf after his band practice & bought Premier protein shakes in chocolate flavor. it worked. i finally got my fasting number under 95 like it should be. scored 91. so to be sure this isn’t some fluke? i have 3 left and gonna try again tonight. 🤞🏼 ate breakfast and had an iced coffee from dunkin and my sugar level was 103. 👍🏼 so far so good. one lady said she tried the protein shake thing and it worked at first but stopped. so that could be a possibility for me too. i’d prefer not to have to go the insulin route but we’ll see what the specialist says and the nutritionist says. as much as i don’t wanna go and i feel like i have my own handle on this ill hear her out. mostly so they’ll stop hounding me at the drs to make the appt and go. 

so funny, at Walgreens last night when i went to get my protein drinks, the girl that works there sees me all the fucking time cuz m my bro and bf go in there at night multiple times a week. so she sees me randomly look pregnant one day obviously. so she’s like “i’ve been meaning to ask you… how’s it going” and i said “it’s been difficult” cuz of this GD shit and she said she noticed one day basically my stomach looking pregnant i was like yea i kinda just popped one day. which is so true. it was weird like randomly i looked pregnant? now i can’t hide it at all it’s blatant lol. i hope my belly button doesn’t pop out i think that’s so creepy and gross. its moved up i can see so it might. 😖 i also still have my belly ring in and i don’t wanna take it out so im waiting as long as i can. i’ll prob have to tho or maybe get those ugly pregnancy ones that look like a piece of thin plastic in there. 

got pulled over

well got pulled over finally for having a 2 year expired tag. luckily, my brother was driving. my brother said it’s his sisters car so he had no idea. then the second cop came over to my side asking if i’m the sister. he then went on about how this is a serious offense and i could get jail time and asked if i had kids. i said no but in pregnant right now. he congratulated me and we talked about his 2 year old. he said he respects women so much for having to go thru this and that we’re strong lol. he talked about how alien it was seeing the epidural needle his wife had to get and how alien it is to see the babies move in the stomach lol he was very cool. the other cop came back giving my brother a warning saying to let his sister know she needs to get this fixed cuz this is a serious offense and if i were to get pulled over again by another cop, it’s up to them what they want to do. fine, warning or arrest. glad i got cool cops man i was scared. 

hard for me afford insurance right now so trying to figure that out. not gonna drive my car around now in case. sigh. 

baby shower decorations

bf came home from work with a big bag and it was full of my baby shower decorations that Paige bought. so pretty everything matches the invitations. so many hanging flowers. i asked her how much she spent so we can give her money toward what she purchased. so nice 😊 

blood sugar level this morning was shocking way lower than it has been so far. score of 98. after eating a salad for dinner (early) & 2 boiled eggs 2 hours later for a snack plus a 10 min walk. so i tried this method again tonight and ate a salad from Chick Fil A (early again) and at 9:12 i check the blood sugar and eat a snack so prob 2 boiled eggs. see what happens in the morning tests. was a little disappointed this morning after i tested it after breakfast and it was 120. tested it again on my forearm and it said 109. i think the fingertip is the most accurate unfortunately. it hurts and the forearm doesn’t feel like anything 😭 so it might have been higher from adding extra granola onto my greek yogurt parfait this morning. idk. 120 isn’t bad but it’s right on the dot if not needing to be any higher. doctor never called but i think it’s because the midwife isn’t in til Tues. i’m thinking about just making the stupid ass appt with the stupid dietitian this week and just going. i don’t want to but i feel like if i do i don’t feel worry that the drs will hound me for not going. i’ll just make an appt this week, go to that and if the dr office calls back tomorrow about my appt i wanted to make… ill either accept it and go if they can get me in by Wed or ill tell them to just forget it & i’ll go to my appt next Tuesday. then ill have already seen the dietitian and they can converse. idk. my mom is worried im not eating enough. 

i knew id get obsessed over the numbers and obsess over getting them as low as possible and worrying about scores such as 120. she thinks i might not be eating enough cuz of my restriction on sugars to keep it so low. but i literally eat 3 meals a day and 3 snacks. so 6 times a day im eating and walking 10 mins after at least 2 meals. i read that pregnant with GD should have around 175g carbs and under a day. i think today i had (estimated) 100 or under grams of carbs today. i guess the dietitian can let me know. it’s just i hear so much about dietitians being wrong on what to do because it doesn’t always work for the same person. it’s like a trial and error thing. so i just don’t want to go. maybe i should not make the dietician appt yet until they asked at my next appt. i’ll just say i had to cancel before cuz i was busy but i plan on rescheduling idkkkk. stressing out about it tho. 

i am also randomly emotional. i had to drop bf off at work cuz his car battery was dead. on the way back home i was listening to dance gavin dance and i started to sob. today i saw a 26 week old premature baby crying in the nicu on tiktok and i started crying. ive been looking up what a baby looks like out of the womb at the week im at and now they’re showing up in my fyp making me emotional. 

27 weeks pregnant

didn’t sleep much Friday night. well, at all really. maybe 2 hours. was upset and dwelling all night as baby was kicking the hell out of me. i managed to even record her and you can see it from the outside well like Alien or something. like from midnight to 6am it was constant bumping around in my stomach. so after dealing w what was bothering me, we ran around doing some errands. i was a zombie and so tired but i managed to stay awake the entire day. went to bed at midnight. so my fasting blood sugars are still so bad. i’m sure when i test it again  in 2 hours it’ll be shitty. so need to call dr Monday and let them know in case i should come in earlier than the 14th. i hate reading stuff online cuz then it scares you. them saying do not wait past 3 days if high fasting numbers. call dr right away 😳

got invitations all sent out for baby shower. my sisters best friend was already on top of it and had already bought stuff off of my registry. i was wondering what package was sitting, waiting for me on the table. she ordered 3 items off my registry. ☺️ felt like early Christmas. damn i can’t wait for Dec and Christmas vibes. even though that means giving birth is coming up soon. i’m so scared. but i can’t wait to get my body back & be able to stop feeling like a prisoner in my body. i’ll have freedom to do more again. can get in shape by summer prob. only thing i’ll miss if they go away is D cups 😭 

baby shower invitations made

we got our baby shower invitations made. still sad Paige wasn’t able to make them cuz her ipad but she’s making the thank you cards up. so we got the invitations printed up at Office Depot. had some trouble getting them sent to their email cuz the machine was down and then they forgot about us cuz they were so busy. but we got helped and just emailed them to a worker there and she priced it out for us and printed them up. came out cheaper too. suppose to be about 28.00 for 18 prints and envelopes. but she charged us 22.00 and made a ton extra accidentally lol so we got even more of them free. 

 we drove around and dropped some of them off to friends in their mailboxes. the rest will be mailed out so tomorrow we need to get more stamps and the rest of the addresses from people. feeling accomplished now cuz i was getting worried about not getting them out in time. 

so my blood sugar was higher today after breakfast. disappointed in the number at 120 even though it’s right in the dot of being a safe number. so after i ate lunch i walked for 10 mins down the street and then was in and out of the car putting envelopes in mailboxes, went to walgreens and got back to check my blood sugar which was 88! so it looks like after every meal im going to walk 10 mins. it really kills the blood sugar. still have one more chance to get my fasting number down but if no luck i need to contact the doctor cuz its bad to have high fasting numbers. might have to call about it on Monday & see what they say. i have an appt in 11 days but idk if i should wait. net says don’t wait longer than 3 days of high fasting blood sugars. i might need insulin 😖 

sigh

feeling overwhelmed and anxious. woke up againnnn before the sun came up and felt restless and hard to breathe. feels like panic attack. i could feel it even in my dreams when i finally fell back asleep. lots of tossing and turning. worrying about my blood sugar and all that. i’m afraid if i fail at this or it doesn’t go well something will be wrong with my baby. 

my fasting number again this morning was 104. still high and idk what i’m doing wrong. the late night snack i had was goat cheese which i kinda don’t like but kinda do at around midnight. i had the atkins bar as a snack too around 9 or so. i’m going to try not to eat any snacks super late and see if that changes my fasting numbers. next test if that doesn’t work im going to have a protein bar, if that fails im gonna try to drink water every time i get up to go to the bathroom in the night. if those fail im going to have to tell the drs & they might just put me on insulin. my placenta is blocking it i guess. i cried this morning briefly cuz im feeling stressed and overwhelmed by all this. strict eating at strict times, pricking my finger 4 times a day and now possibly insulin shots daily on top of that. i’m worried about possibly having to give birth early and having a possible c section. i am just anxious all the time about this. 

also i ate the same breakfast as yesterday but my reading was 112, so i tested it again and it said 102??? so is the device not accurate or is that normal to be fluctuating that amount? i’m still under 120 but like what if it said 125 but a second reading said below 120? so is my blood sugar high or low. now i am unsure how accurate my other readings were. i bought the solution online to test the accuracy of the device to make sure its running properly. if it is not then ill need to tell the doctors. if it is then i guess those fluctuations don’t mean much. 

i’m tired and stressed out. depressed and anxious. 

good blood sugar scores

so i’m bummed out that Paige can’t design my baby shower invites. she texted me back saying her ipad is not working and she’s dealing with it with Apple and doesn’t know when she could work on it. i could sense the stress in the text so i told her not to worry about it. i went ahead and bought one from a designer off of some site. it’s really pretty so i edited it to my liking and wrote my own info in it. this weekend my bf and i are going to have them printed up by this weekend for giving and sending out. Dec 2nd is the baby shower from 2pm-5pm. i went ahead and edited it myself to add my QR code for my registry ^u^

so today my blood sugar numbers were great. i canceled my nutritionist appt because after how i felt about it and doing some research, most women are saying it was pointless for them to go. some said they went once and not again, others said they were scolded and yelled at by their nutritionists to eat more carbs and such. everyone else said to skip it and do your own research online because all that info is readily available anywhere. i have been on and off these low carb and anti inflammatory diets for years. everyone is different and everyone’s bodies react differently to different foods. one woman said her dietician told her to eat this and that and when she did her blood sugars wouldn’t go down. so she did her own thing and its been working for her. so i figured i’d cancel and do my own thing and if it doesn’t work out i’ll see the dietician. i’ll let the midwife know that too. i hope they don’t get mad about it. they can’t make you go. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

my fasting blood sugar was at 106 today (yesterdays was 112) i need to be around 95 so i’m hoping as time goes on eating better my fasting numbers will go down too. some women can’t keep theirs down :(

for breakfast i had a breakfast bowl my bf cooked. he made me scrambled eggs, chorizo and spinach. i ate that and my blood sugar score was 97

had cheese as first of my 3 snacks

lunch i had little bowl of lobster bisque which has bad stuff in it but it’s all i had and i was getting lightheaded. i also had 5-6 wasabi peas.  i paced around the room for 10 mins & blood sugar was at 97

had yogurt as my second out of 3 snacks

dinner i had a chick fil a cobb salad and a caffeine free diet coke  blood sugar score was 86! 

just ate my 3rd snack of the night and it was an Atkins low carb chocolate bar. i went to walgreens and got them cuz i was dying for something sweet. tomorrow ill find out what my fasting numbers are. i hope they’re low. i need to eat more healthy carbs but tonight i had a salad. my bf made me brown rice, chorizo and spinach for me to eat at lunch. so that’s good cuz i need to incorporate more whole grains. i’ll be checking my blood sugar again for the hell of it after i ate this atkins chocolate bar to make sure it’s safe to eat. it should be but again, all bodies react differently.