fall vibes

feeling happy inside cuz i’m drinking a pumpkin spice iced latte, (like a typical white bitch) and it’s actually cool outside for FL. it feels like fall today and it makes me so happy inside. i hate Florida and heat. i miss traveling up North and being in cold, snowy weather. i noticed all the old people are back down here now from all the rental cars i see & noticing traffic is shittier. just ordered some solar lights for our spook stuff outside that we put out. my bf was like “we tried”. i’m like yea and we did good. ours are cute and classic. i honestly am not a fan of those big, blow up decorations people put up on their front yards. they look tacky and unoriginal. we actually put ours together and made it make sense. still finishing it up but when it’s done it’ll look great. i like it, it makes me happy and feel nostalgic for some reason. i’m so glad i got him to finally decorate the yard. the yard we have is HUGE so we can put it all the way across but one of these Halloweens we’ll have accumulated enough decor. we have been slowly getting stuff on weekends. 🎃

doctor appointment tomorrow and i’m still confused as to why they put me with an actual OB instead of the midwife i was assigned to. like why is it not her? why is it an OB? maybe i’ll be seeing both since im considered “high risk”. am i gonna have to do that glucose test tomorrow? like idk what’s going on but i have to be there at 9:45a. i’m so damn scared of failing my glucose test and having gestational diabetes. because i am insulin resistant already due to pcos, im at a higher risk for GD. which means my diet will have to drastically change 😩 i don’t want any complications for me or my baby so i’ll have to be careful if i end up with GD. it’s so weird cuz when you have GD it goes away after giving birth. same thing with preeclampsia which i’m also afraid of having. i never had high blood pressure but every damn time i get my BP tested by the nurse my blood pressure is always high. it goes down when they retry it but it worries me cuz it can cause serious complications. which preeclampsia also goes away after giving birth. weird shit. so i’m nervous about these things and i keep expressing that because it’s scary. my cousin said she had gestational diabetes with one of her pregnancies. i’m so confused because it says that it has nothing to do with how you eat or how much sugar you have but the placenta and how it forms. then why do we need special diets and cut out sugars? the glucose test is to test how my body takes sugar. so i have to drink these high sugar drink, sit around for an hour then get my blood taken. if i fail it i have to do the 3 hour one and wait around 3 ours after drinking it 😩 to the women who say they miss pregnancy and being pregnant are you insane? cuz its not that fun and it’s a lot of things to do. i think after this visit i have another one in 4 weeks, then it becomes every 2 weeks… then every week when im closer to due date. im starting to give myself anxiety thinking about this and i don’t want to ruin my day. 

so i made those resin molds and they still did not come out like i had hoped. i messed up some areas where bubbles got it and you can’t really see the pink Lasso bears i put in as well as i hoped. i gotta try again but im already running low on resin. resin is expensive too. i just got the 17 dollar kit which holds 8 oz. if i want bigger bottles of it its like 30-50-80 bucks depending on size it’s ridiculous. so i’m selling more clothes in hopes of saving extra money for myself.