first prenatal appt scheduled

doctor appointment made online to a woman OBGYN. it’s in Jupiter so probably about 25-30 minutes away and it’s at 11am. says to be there 30 mins before appt time so i’ll have to leave early in the morning. Aug 8, on Tuesday i’ll be in my last week of the first trimester. i hope and pray everything will go smoothly and everything is still going well in there. might just let them do the pap and not try to get out of it. it tests for things like cervical cancer and stuff so i probably should let them check me out. then i shouldn’t have to have that done again for years. 

people be getting upset and annoyed with me cuz i keep worrying and and bringing it up but i can’t help it. this is something new to me and i’m worrying because ive obviously never been pregnant. its pretty wild. i guess i worry too cuz i can’t see myself having a baby. like i can’t picture it being in my future. never thought this would happen to me so i can’t quite see it as a thing. it feels that something will happen to it and it won’t even be a thing in my future since i can’t see it. when i think about it i get super depressed. the fear of it failing and never getting this opportunity ever again because my bf won’t ever try again. this is my chance to have a life and purpose for something special and important. i pray things work out and everything is fine and it continues to be fine. 🍀🤞🏼🙏🏼

got a bathing suit ordered. it’s a dress bathing suit because i’m too self conscious about showing a pregnant stomach. a lot of women bare it all out in the open but not me.  not comfortable doing that. especially will creeps. there is a thing about pregnant women that a lot of men like. i read some “scientific” reason but i just think they’re gross. i also hear pregnant women just get stared at a lot and i don’t want extra attention. so i think i’ll stick to covering. it’s like a sailor looking red white and blue dress swim suit. i can wear it as a bathing suit or wear it as a dress