13 weeks

this is my last week in the first tri. my sister and mom told me my skin looks good and fresh. i guess that’s the pregnancy glow that i’ve heard about. doctor is Tuesday and i’m kind of nervous cuz idk what’s gonna be done or said. i get the gist of it all and it all sucks. i hope they give me an ultrasound. i need to see what’s going on i’ve been stressing about it. is it okay in there? 🙏🏼  i’ve not been that great eating better. i got a veggie wrap but wasn’t feeling it. i just wanted sweets. i ate a piece of pie, a cupcake after only eating half of my wrap. i got salad stuff to make salads cuz i need to eat better before the appointment. don’t want them taking my blood and telling me my blood sugar is too high or whatever. i got scared again after reading about recalls on some (bagged) salads bc of Listeria in this past March-April. the stuff that can be found in deli meats, cheese, lettuce and more. i got paranoid and was afraid to eat salad. but i need to stop and get over this cuz i need to eat healthy. at least eat salads til my appt. 

i got my dress/bathing suit in and i tried it on. my bf was in love cuz it was so cute and nice fitting. i think i’ll get more of them in different colors/patterns but in a size up for my growing stomach. this one will fit me though for a couple more months. i don’t think i start officially showing until 16-20 weeks. i read since it’s my first kid it can 20 weeks and  beyond. i want to go to the beach this weekend even though temps are like 95 degrees so basically (100+). but i wanna wear it to the beach so bad. 

i think if my scan (if they do one) comes back with the baby still in there alive and well i’ll share the news to social media for friends and family to be aware of. i’ll prob announce it officially in 2 weeks or so. i keep trying to tell myself the baby is fine and it’s still alive… jumping around and floating in my stomach even though i have fears of silent miscarriages. my mom told me i need to stop. but i can’t help it. so i’m trying to keep on saying it’s alive and plan the future. i’m just paranoid about jinxing it. i get excited and it’s not even alive anymore. idk i worry about everything and it takes over my psyche. the Listeria thing did that to me today and i spent hour looking it up. i tried to stop googling stuff cuz i just get fearful and anxious. i just want things to work out for once.