hahaha

😂 so bf saw the fb post and made a mad face reaction (so dumb) and texted me with a screenshot of my story and said “really?” so yea. he doesn’t like when i post pics like that but it’s okay for him to like other women’s pics who do? he couldn’t give me an answer and instead just spouted off other bs that i’m doing that bothers him. he got mad at me the other day cuz i don’t respond. like when he comes home and says hi or asks me something and i don’t reply. it’s cuz i don’t want to talk. i go thru this where i don’t wanna fucking talk to anyone. usually when i haven’t talked or spoken a word the entire day it’s like pulling teeth to speak. i’ve always been that way honestly. when i was a kid my grandma had to say “it’s polite to say good morning to people when they speak to you”. but i was such an angry kid at that time and my grandma is so cheery i’d just not say anything in return. guess nothings changed and it’s part of who i am right or wrong. anyways argued thru texts all day and i’m glad. he needs to fuck off sometimes. anyways i’m over it for the time being. 

i’m looking for bathing suits i’m comfortable wearing during the next 7 months. i found this cute high waisted 2 piece pinup style suit but all the sudden it won’t let me pick a size. so i looked more tonight and found one that looks sailor-y. it’s a dress bathing suit. it looks like a regular mini dress but it has shorts under and is made to go in water. i’ll feel comfortable in that cuz it’ll cover my stomach. 😞

symptoms as of 11 weeks & 3 days:

-can’t. stop. peeing. i have to get up multiple times, especially at night to go to the bathroom. i got worried cuz it felt uncomfortable in the bladder area like i have to go but i don’t. and no it’s not a uti. no pain just feels like i keep having to pee when i don’t. so i drank a lot of water to flush it all out. it helped but it still feels weird. the uterus starts to press on the bladder as it expands so it’s probably why i guess. 

-feeling hardly any nausea. i read where many if not most women throw up and can hardly keep food down. but honestly i’ve felt pretty normal. i mean nausea here and there but nothing like these other women. i still have a few weeks to go before that stuff is supposed to subside so maybe i should knock on wood. 

-boobs still hurt. some days not so much and other days i can’t even accidentally lean on them. that i think was my biggest symptom. the painful breasts was no joke in the very beginning. 

-stomach is round but not baby bump round. not til like 5 more weeks. i look pregnant but it’s just bloating from the hormone surges. sometimes it’s really painful and i try to eat a better diet but i’ve failed at that the entire first phase. but when i was weighed at the medicaid dr i was only like 5 lbs gained. i did look it up later and  net says i should gain between 2-5 lbs some sources say up to 7 lbs in the first trimester. i believe i gained 5 so far and i have 3 weeks left in phase 1. so believe it or not i’m doing pretty good there i think. *i think* all together i am suppose to gain around 35 lbs but most of it is in the stomach obviously. 

-depression i think is part hormones but not fully. i think my bipolar depression is in full mode. i’m worried a little about that cuz i don’t wanna get bad off.