the basics of the drama last night and the email are as follows
i love him and want to be with him forever. we’ve started a great 4 years together so far and everything has been great until we had this shit thrown our way. things took a scary turn. after we argued AGAIN tonight over our differences on the baby thing i started to get fed up. the emotional tears started to become angry tears. i finally told him i don’t need him or his lack of support. i’m choosing what i want and if i choose to not terminate the pregnancy then too fucking bad. i’ll move out with my family because i have tremendous support from them. he tried to throw his past at me raising his daughter and his ex wife who he helped raise her sons who he couldn’t stand. then brought up her OD/suicide. first of that’s fucked up to even compare my situation too. yes i’m sorry you went thru shit but this is MY situation. not your past. as stated in my past documents he does not want to go thru all the stress and financials in this time in his life. he’s done and wants to live a life a good fun freedom. i hear that. i truly do. but when i brought up my sister and her bf saying he needs to step up and deal. he got super irritate stating everyone needs to stfu cuz he HAS done those things including year long custody battle for his daughter. i get it bro. you had shit and dealt with shit but i know how much he loves his kid that i can’t understand him in what he’s saying. i get the grown past the dad phase but when shit happens you deal with it. there’s always ways. and i want him to stop comparing me to his past life. i’m not these people. i’m me.
sooo i’ve been saying how i don’t wanna cause him stress so i feel hopeless in my decision making but today that’s going to fucking change. i don’t know what i’m going to choose to do. whether i have a miscarriage (which is a sad reality and huge likelihood for women with pcos), whether i choose to take the abortion pills and terminate the pregnancy. or whether i go through with the pregnancy and give it up for adoption (even tho my mom said no way she’ll take it in) or of i just keep the baby. it’s MY choice. it’s MY body and i will do what i feel is right for MY life. nobody else’s. not even the love of my life. this is my fucking choice. i said in the letter that if this is something he feels he can’t work with then i’m sorry he feels that way. i’ll move out and live with my family. my dads coming down to meet with my mom to finally help her get out of this house. she’s been dealing with my crying and stress daily and she wants me to have a place to come to when i need to get away from stress. so if i need to i’ll live with them. do i want that? NO. i wish that he’d be supportive of ANY of the decisions i choose but unfortunately i cannot change his mind nor will i anymore put forth effort to. i’m done. i’m done crying angry tears. i’m done being arguing with him over this. the only person who is in charge over this baby is ME. so if he can’t deal with that then i’m sorry. it’ll crush me but if he loves me enough to look past it which i believe he will. then we’ll deal with it together even tho it sucks. he’ll maybe i won’t even end up having it. and if i do maybe it will be a huge mistake and i regret it. but i’ll make it work one way or another and deal with it because that’s what i will do to survive. i am done with the drama. i want happiness even in the hardest of times. shit got thrown our way. too bad that’s fucking life. he needs to get over it and deal with this bc he loves me and will do anything with me thru thick and thin. i hope he comes around if i choose to go the route he doesn’t want. i’m emotionally drained. i’m tired. i’m sick of worrying and walking on eggshells trying to talk to him about how i’m feeling and my symptoms etc i’m tired of it. i never want him to resent me or the baby. i never want him to feel i ruined his life by my choice but if that’s how he’s gonna take it then i’m sorry that’s not my problem. i can move out and start a new chapter if i ever had to. i don’t want that but this is all on him now whether he wants to deal with it or not. i’m not gonna cry and try and get him to see it my way anymore. that ends today.
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