best conversation yet

wow what a turn around. tonight my bf and i had hours long talk about everything and he told me he’s 50% supporting my baby living full term but 50% not on board due to fears with finances. which you know what? is 100% better for me to hear and 100% understandable. he said he’s been thinking about this alll week and was trying to look at it differently. i think after my appt Wednesday and i put my foot down and said i’m keeping the baby. i’m not aborting it. i will not take those pills. he got the message. no beating around the bush. no talking me out of it. the talk tonight changed my outlook on this too. i was flip flopping too and most of it was cuz i didn’t have any support from him what so ever. now after hearing this it eases my stress i feel i can be fine with my choice. i will miss out on fun. but i’m willing to deal with it for the baby. all i needed was his understanding and his emotional support. he said he was sorry for trying to push me to abort when it’s not something i felt was right in my heart. he said he won’t ever again. i’m so relieved to hear this because it means so much to me. i showed him my 6 week first time scan of the bean.  ^-^ 

my sister and mom are unable to go with me to my second appt in 2 weeks and i asked him if he’d like to go. he said he does and he’s going to ask his boss for time off that day. i think him seeing the next ultrasound will vastly improve his thoughts and opinions even further. he will be able to hear the heart beat and see it full screen. 

now all i can do is hope that my baby doesn’t miscarry and it can go full term. i’m fearful man. i really am. i know people with my condition don’t tend to carry full term and end up losing the baby early in. i have read that staying in the diet i was on that ultimately got me preg i truly believe. is one i need to stay on. i need to stay on this diet. i’ve fell off it for the past couple week on and off and i wanna get strict about it to play things safe. i want to take those vitamin things too. my sister mentioned them and said she’ll grab me some if she’s ever out before me. prenatals that’s it. man, if anyone only knew just how much weight has been lifted from me. all that emotional stress i was going thru is gone. now my fear is the possible miscarriage. it’s going to break me. i’m going to pray every night and just do what’s right for my body and take it day by day