day outing

night outing

im mad

i’m so stressed and worried because the house has a flea problem. ever since Jake passed away we’ve had a flea infestation going on in both bedrooms. i guess since Jakes gone the fleas have no hosts to live off of. oh but you’d be wrong to say that because i found a fucking flea on my guinea pig. ohhh but according to the vet i took Bitsy in to get checked out after Mitzy died said guinea pigs don’t get fleas and when i was skeptical she tried to ~prove me wrong~ by giving me some fucking story about some guy and his kids and fleas. she told me that dog fleas don’t get on guinea pigs. that’s obviously incorrect. i have 10 flea bites on me as we speak. i’ve washed the sheets and sprayed the mattress with non toxic/natural safe for pet flea killer and thoroughly cleaned the room today. yet still there was a flea on the bed that i captured and put down the sink. i’m freaking out idk what to do. idk what to do about my guinea pigs having the fleas. i want to take them to the vet but if she’s gonna insist they don’t get fleas and blah blah what then? my bf is gonna call the vet in the morning and say we have a guinea pig that has fleas, is there something we can buy from the drs that will treat them. but will she just tell me it’s not fleas? like?? i’d say take her to Jakes vet but they suck just as much. they told us that a flea collar worked the exact same/even better than medicine. 80$ later and he is still having a flea problem. months later we take him back to same vet but see a diff dr and he said he was infested with them and the flea collar doesn’t work ???????? the first bitch didn’t even write down the flea collar in her notes so this other dr guy didn’t know about it. so all that time he was still suffering cuz she didn’t give us correct info. so what am i supposed to do? 

i read online that fleas don’t usually stay on guinea pigs for very long because they can’t breed on them. they prefer dogs and cats, not rodents. so the fleas don’t breed on guinea pigs but they can cause serious skin issues that will kill a guinea pig. i believe that is what happened to Mitzy because Jake was infested with the fleas at that time and that’s why i took in my other guinea pig Bitsy to make sure it wasn’t fleas from Jake on her too. but i didn’t know and Mitzy died from the allergy from the fleas. that is my honest guess what happened. the dr didn’t ever really give me any straight answer about why Mitzy died so that’s all i can do is guess. but that’s why i need the fleas treated off Poppy so she’s safe from dermatitis. 

so I am going to buy bug bombs. i’m going to move the hamster and guinea pig cage into our bedroom and then bug bomb the room next door while my brother and mom are seeing John Wick. that’ll give it enough time for the fogger to kill the fleas and should be about enough time for safety to go back into the room. then on Friday i’m going to bomb our bedroom. my bf is gonna call his exterminator friend or whoever he was talking about to me earlier he knows and have him spray the front yard (where Jake got the fleas) and the porch where and Dabs hangs out daily. so that will take care of the problem hopefully. i mean it should… but the topic of my worry is my guinea pig and what to do. i hate this. we picked her up today to try and find that flea i saw and couldn’t. but i found black flecks. flea particles in her fur. i just hope the stupid vet makes this simple and just writes me a script that kills these parasites. no going in, just picking up the medicine and we treat it. god.

RIP Tyller

god dammit why do we keep losing friends. my friend Tyller died in a motor bike accident. we use to take him to work when he needed rides. then he got a motor bike, dirt bike thing i remember him showing it to us a couple years ago. i guess he crashed and it was fatal. ugh he has kids too. he lived with his mom for a while and we also would drop him off there. i hope his kids will be okay 💔 

he sat with me one time at the bar when i had bad anxiety and my bf wasn’t around for the moment. i asked him not to leave me alone and he said of course not. we chatted about anxiety and stuff. that was a few years ago when i realized he was a good person. we had a birthday bash thrown for him and my bf put it togethera and i made the flyers. we got him a bday card and i wrote my bear Lassos name in the card we got him and he was funny he was like “honestly it wouldn’t be the same if Lasso didn’t sign in” 😭 gonna miss you man 

benefit on beach

man i was exhausted. we went down to Deerfield Beach for the Autism benefit my friend was doing sound for. he and my bf were doing that where i just came along for the ride.  i just woke up i slept so hard. i literally slept 12 hours straight through with some odd dreams. 

before heading to DB we stopped off at Castaways and picked up friend J.F on the way for lunch. i love their seared tuna so much i get it every time. dropped him back off cuz he had some drama going on at home so he wasn’t able to come with us.

on the way down there, we stopped off at Dunkin to use their bathroom & while in the Dunkin parking lot my friend had to deal with his insulin pump. i guess he accidentally pulled it out way to fast and he starts gushing blood. it was all over his clothes so we grabbed napkins and i was searching for a near by Walmart or Target so we could get him some new clothes. he looked like he’d been stabbed lol he acted cool about it but later said it was low key scary cuz that had never happened before. so we used ducked tape to stop the bleeding lol. he goes into the Dunkin bathroom and comes out with brand new clean clothes. how he cleaned all the blood out, coming out looking brand new lmao was hilarious. so back on track, we head down to Deerfield to set up the sound equipment. i was bored honestly cuz i really couldn’t help much since i don’t know what any of the stuff does and most stuff was too heavy to carry. 

i did get lots of compliments that made my confidence go up because i was feeling insecure. lots of pretty  girls in bikinis, with long hair and in shape. i’m like 😫 but some dude said he liked my outfit, which was honestly just my normal clothes; pleated skirt, pink tank top and pigtails. but he asked me what my band was and i said i’m not in a band,  i’m just here with sound and he said i looked like a singer. he thought i was a singer. lol funny and weirdly enough i’ve gotten that before. where some guy i met off of myspace way back said i looked like a singer and argued with me over it. like bitch, i can’t sing but i will if you want but it won’t be pretty. 

some drunk people man, the crazy older crowds are funny to watch. some crazy lady cackling across the wall way was non stop laughing crazy.  i saw her in the bathroom and i tried to wash my hands fast before she talked to me but nah, she caught me and said i looked so cute and it reminded her of her clubbing days lol clubbing days in the 70s? walked out of the bathroom and a guy said “cool hair, i like it”. it’s literally just pigtails but i’ll take it. and then another lady in the bathroom said she thought my outfit was so cute. she said she saw it earlier and asked me my name. my hands were wet cuz i was about to dry them when she tried to give me a high five, so i said sorry my hands are wet. she’s like at least you wash them lol. all in all i did tell myself hey i might be jealous im not in a bikini wearing a thong, with long pretty hair but i am dolled up, differently dressed that anyone else there. ya gotta tell yourself things that are good about yourself to feel it. but it does help loads when others chime in 🥰 

i had to keep peeing too because i hate beer. that’s all we had in the cooler though 😖 it goes right through me. i also had to walk far to the bathrooms because no WAY i’m using a portable toilet. i went in one when i first got there because it had a zip tie on it, meaning they cleaned it yesterday and locked it up so it hadn’t been used since. i didn’t realize they don’t flush?? like medieval times you piss and shit into other peoples piss and shit. so i’m like nope. i need to find another bathroom cuz no fucking way. those are the most disgusting things humans created 🤢 so i found a beach bathroom a slight walk away. drinking light beer and me going back and forth to the bathroom i got my exercise in for the day. 

the day started off so fucking hot 87f (feels like 91f) but cooled down by night. i would have taken pics of the beach but they had these ugly pipe things that do something. my friend explained it on the way to the beach that they help with sand or water idk but they’re temporarily there. finally got home at like 12. zzz

still haven’t fully accepted my dogs death. doesn’t feel real and while i cried a bit i haven’t let myself fully break down just yet. i miss him. 

went to see the Mario movie today with my bf and my bro. my bro signed up for unlimited movies. the Mario movie was cute. very silly and very colorful. gonna have to watch it on tabs or shrooms cuz i bet it looks awesome on psychedelics. after, we made spaghetti and meatballs. meatballs hand crafted by me. then we watched Cocaine Bear which was silly and wasn’t as bad as some people made it out to be. 

tomorrow we’re going down south to help out with an autism benefit. my bf is helping run sound with Paulseidon. i’m just going to chill and have something to do. it’s hot as fuck outside again so not looking forward to that part of it. literally gonna be there all after noon til like 10 pm. 

RIP Jake

 i’m going to miss you everyday

Anniversary & Easter

Saturday my bf went with me to my hair appointment for like 20 mins then left for a bit. i texted him when i was done and he came to pick me up. so my hair stylist said she put 3 tones of blonde in my hair and the next time she’ll probably add 2 shades and it being mostly bright blonde. she said i’d probably only need a mini partial which is even cheaper. i read the prices and it said 45 $ & up for mini partial. i always tip her 50 $ at the end of every appointment no matter the cost. but my hair looks so good. i showed her a pic of Margot Robbie from the Barbie movie and told her i wanted bangs like hers in one of the scenes. but that i was scared to do it. so what she did was a longer version of her bangs so that if i didn’t like them, they wouldn’t take long to grow back out. she also said if i did want them shorter i could do it myself and she told me how to do it. she’s so awesome. she blow dried my hair and it looked like a models hair. 

a small bit of drama happened okay so when i first got there my bf texted our friend and said how were there and that he was telling my stylist all these crazy party stories about her. cuz our friend goes to her as well and the last time i got my hair done i told her some party stories. after i told her some of my friends wild stories i realized i shouldn’t have said anything because my friend probably wouldn’t want that info going around that aren’t in our party circle. people in the professional world i guess you could say. so i realized it and felt bad but my intentions were not to gossip or anything. it was more like “oh yea, i know her too and she’s crazy and fun” more so that i love her and we have had many crazy nights. so she texts my bf back saying DO NOT tell her those things and that she’s being serious about that. so she kept going on and on in the group chat with my bf and some other friends that it sucks people sit around and gossip at a salon. well that is what all ladies do in the salon lol but i understand it. so i texted her that night and apologized because i felt really bad she felt hurt by that. she replied the next morning and said she wasn’t mad and that she just doesn’t want the word getting out that she’s been a crazy girl getting lit when she’s trying to establish a new business. i get that 100% but at least she said she wasn’t mad at me and was nice and i apologized. still feel bad tho oops

okay so moving in we go to get Korean food over in Ft Pierce since that’s the only Korean joint around. it was so damn good. since i didn’t know the name of the dish i use to get with my family in OH i just got something. so i got this noodle soup dish with seafood mix. she warned me it was spicy but little does she know 🌶️ i love spicy food. 

after dinner we went and bar hopped around. well kinda because 1 restaurant/bar we went to was packed with like 50+ year olds and i’m like i think we’re the youngest people here. live band was going on and stuff. we had 1 drink and left to go to the next one but they were in the process of closing. some reason Lures closes early. so we went to our usual bar that we kinda don’t go to anymore. it just got super trashy throughout the years. like the bathroom stalls have writing in them and while the place was never amazing it was still not as bad as it is now. so after not being there for a month we saw Markbob working and went to order drink. so i went into the stall and a writing in the bathroom stall door was someone saying they hate their life and they feel like the only place they feel like home is the bar (tragic). and someone below it wrote “you are loved”. so yea that’s what’s coming for the bar now there. the writing in the stalls kinda trash it up in my opinion. THEN this fucking old hag was in there talking to herself and cackling. when i came out of the bathroom stall i noticed she was in the stall next to me just using the bathroom with the door open. she came out and said my dress was cute (all drunkly) and she straight up lifted my dress all the way up while i was washing my hands. i wasn’t drunk yet and i still had anxiety and was too afraid and shocked to say fuck off. so i just nervously laughed. it turns out this hag did the same thing to my sister. it’s the same woman that my sister said was pulling her shorts downward at the bar and she slappped her hand and said don’t do that. wtf. that means this woman is out sexually harassing women at the bar. next time i go back there i want my bf to tell Markbob or the owner cuz that’s fucked up. it’s so creepy. she’s this little old, witchy looking hag with long frizzy hair and a smokers voice acting insane and doing this shit to women. she needs to not be allowed in bars. 

Easter the next day we got up early and my bf cooked all this food for us and my family. 

i made the deviled eggs and the ham is from Honey Baked Ham. while he was cooking food we did the egg coloring because we were going to have an egg hunt. Mr Dabs had to get on the table to help too

so my bf and my mom hid the eggs on the porch and by the pool area. me, my sister and brother searched. me and my sister tied with 9 eggs lol. oh and yea we’re all adults 🤭 it was fun though. we haven’t done egg hunts for over a decade. we do always color them though together. there’s usually always 1 egg we can’t find and we lose it but my bf took pics so he knew where they were so we’d remember all of them 

Yah

watched SLC Punk movie tonight after my bf and i kept talking about Matthew Lillard 💜 i did also start watching this series called Yellowjackets. this high school soccer team that crashes in the Canadian wilderness. they resort to eating each other… and they flip flop between those scenes of them surviving in the wilderness and them older after they’d obviously been rescued and how they’re all dealing. it’s pretty fucked up. 

tomorrow is my hair appointment. i like my hair getting highlighted but i hate having to sit in a chair for 4-5 hours. that’s why bleaching roots was so simple in those ole time days lol. i can’t anymore cuz of my allergic reactions to bleach and the damage it causes your hair. over it. 😫

I had a dream i was gaming and ny username was “PeranormalPretzel“ wtf? Paranormal was spelled wrong but idk  its what i remember in the dream  

Its my bf and my anniversary tomorrow. were going to get Korean food by my request. i want to get the dish my father and i use to get when i’d visit, but idk the name of it and i don’t dare want to text that piece of shit and ask. my bf bought me a dress for tomorrow which i love but i wish it was shorter 😭 

Happy Easter to yall from me and Lasso

Jake update

we took him to the vet and they did blood work on him and checked him out. the vet assistant said if we get a call back from the main dr it’s not good news. so i was worried all day and night. i was crying and couldn’t sleep. i didn’t know what the vet was gonna tell us over the phone so i was up worrying. 

so today the vet said he has liver and kidney issues and we need to feed him this specific food to help flush out the toxins to make him feel better. he said he’s a really old dog, so it’s no guarantee how long he’ll live, but the food will help him feel better the remainder of his doggy years and that’s all i care about. i just want him to be comfortable and not in pain. so we have to mix 2 kinds of food and hopefully he’ll feel better. that was so stressful. i hate having sick pets it’s so heartbreaking when you know they are old and ill. had 3 pets die within a year. my guinea pig, our cat shrimpsie and jake is probably next unfortunately. i just want my animals to feel good and be happy🥲 

on a less sad note my sisters bf is here fixing my car. he’s putting the new alternator in but he ran to the auto store to grab a tool he needed. hopefully that will fix. 

on even less important news i was trying to get my phone theme to look good and i looked all around on different apps that would target an icon to a specific app and apparently after the new iOs update it stopped allowing it through the shortcut apps. so i kept downloading different icon maker apps/theme apps and found nothing that was FREE and allow you to upload your OWN icons. but after thinking about jail breaking my phone i tried messing with apps again and found one. so far it lets me target any app, even system apps while being able to upload my own icons so my phone looks really cute now. 

redoing our bathroom. i started painting a bit. i painted the mirror black, we got red rugs and black bathroom stuff. the shower curtain which is black and white checkers was too small so we have to return it tomorrow and get a different size. trying to get a 50s diner decor in the bathroom. we eventually want to make the house retro vibes when everyone is moved out. kitchen like 50s pastel ice cream shop, bathroom 50s diner and maybe the living room like 70s. think Clockwork Orange vibes. but that’s way down to road. 

my bf and i have our 4 years anniversary this weekend. i have a hair appointment on Saturday and after that, we’re going to dinner 🩷 i can’t believe 4 years already. 

emotional

my fucking car has another issue. was driving it a couple days ago and realized my battery light came on. my battery is like a year or 2 old so it should be okay. fast forward to Thursday night, i’m driving with my bf to get energy drinks from the gas station and i notice all the lights are on for all different things. 

i pull into the gas station and turned my car off thinking it’d reset it and go away. tried turning it back on and nope. car wouldn’t start. so we were stuck at the gas station calling friends who live close by. our friend J.F came and tried using his battery thing he has but it was dead. so he and bf walked over to this guy parked at the gas station in this huge truck with a boat on the back, “he looks like he’s have jumper cables” they said. they asked him for jumper cables and yup he had some for us to borrow. 

tried restarting it and it took forever but it came on. but on the way home it was dying. so not even in the car 2 mins and it’s dying. my headlights weren’t working either so i was driving with no headlights, a dying car with sporadic speed ups. i make it to the driveway and it died right there. how lucky. Paulseidon showed up with an extra battery but it didn’t fit right in my car. so we do what we always do and contact my sisters bf. so he is buying an alternator and putting it in for me. cuz apparently it’s that. idk i just hope it’s that and no other things. 

went out to the brewery again Friday and got different flights of beers. i love craft beers and ciders. never was much into beers or ciders til i started trying craft beers. i was able to drink the high alcohol ones since i wasn’t driving cuz my car problems. got pretty buzzed here. met up with friends at another brewery and then a restaurant. 

now for news i don’t want to think about… i think Jake is dying. i bought him in 2009ish. so he’s around 14 years or so.  he’s not been doing the best for the past 6 months but he still was with it. took him to vet 2-3 times within those months. got his tooth and stomach issues checked. he was feeling better for a bit. tail was wagging. but declined again with more stomach issues. just yesterday we noticed he was not able to walk. kinda walking like he was drunk. he throws up after eating. he threw up today a few times. i was on constant watch in case he tried going to the bathroom. he goes on floor cuz he’s old and can’t help it. it’s reminding us of how Rusty was all of the sudden. he was fine, then next day declined badly. he has a vet appointment again on Monday. we’re supposed to just drop him off there and i hate that. i don’t want him to be alone waiting to be seen. i’m so scared they’re gonna call us and say we need to put him down.  i just can’t handle it and my mom won’t be able to either. i pet him today and told him he’s a good boy and begged him to stay with us a little longer. i’m so afraid. losing a dog or cat hits worse than any other pets because they live so long with you. it cuts into the soul. i just hope maybe he’s just sick with a bug and the vet just gives him medicine but i don’t think so. i think he’s going to die any time. i just hope i’m wrong.