exhausted

so no good sleep for me for weeks. hard to sleep because of the side effects of 3rd trimester. i hate it so much and it’s really been taking a toll on me. i’m getting more depressed and irritable. i was so exhausted Friday night that i was hoping to sleep well. i didn’t. was restless and antsy all night and had to be on the road to Sarasota at 8:30am. so no good sleep, got up and got ready. my blood sugars were bad at breakfast and dinner because we were on the road and i didn’t have a choice in healthy options. i’m bothered by that. my lunch numbers were good. we got to Mums and chatted and caught up. she gave me so many cute clothes and and the bassinet, swing and mini portable bassinet she got from her friends kid’s kids who outgrew them. so i’ll have spare one for my moms new house. we went out to lunch at this place called Pier 22 i think. i ordered zucchini pasta and some calamari. i thought the calamari might spike my sugars cuz its breaded and fried but my numbers were good at lunch. being at that restaurant is the first time ive gotten stared at since pregnant. these women near our table were taking many looks at me while sipping on their wine. we went back to Mums and talked some more. my bf and her got along great and i knew they would cuz my bf is real. he has stories to tell and since they’re both from Jensen and Stuart they had all kinds of shit to talk about. 

it made me laugh cuz they were talking about old sheriffs in Martin County and she said she really liked this one and she couldn’t remember the name of him but expressed she really liked him. so my bf starts talking about how he was a cop that grew pot and was heavy into the distribution of it. he said he went to high school and the sons were always selling it at school and my grandma be like 😧 she was quickly like what all this time i thought…. he was telling her all the backstory and the inside info. it was really funny. the ride home was just as bad as the trip up. i tried staying awake for my brother who was driving us. we were so tired and my eyes kept falling. but i forced so hard to stay up to make sure he’s ok driving etc. he said it got tough too because he didn’t get a lot of sleep either. my bf got on my damn nerves tho on the way back. he and Mum had some cocktails at the house so he was drink acting too silly and it was annoying. like i felt like i was in the car with a boy. i got so irritated and my brother was getting irritated too. like when he gets drunk sometimes he plays too much and it’s like okay enough. it’s worse when you’re sober and dealing with drunk people. luckily he fell asleep for a good while. still woke up and annoying me. we got Arby’s and my sugar spike was bad of course. it was 131 but the breakfast one was fucking high as hell it was 157 i think or 147 something. so i wrote “roadtrip” next to the numbers so the OB knows. 

fasting number wasn’t good either this morning and neither was my breakfast one. so i’m in a bad mood over it. i finally took naps tho today and i feel less tired and got some sleep in. i ate lunch and waiting to check the blood sugar at 3:46. tonight we’re having a healthy dinner. salmon, red mashed potatoes and asparagus. then his mom is making some New Year dinner she makes every year. i gotta kinda annoyed when his mom was talking about crab legs and shrimp for it tomorrow and my bf said “kaley can’t have those things” and she goes “it’d be healthy for you but anyway”. um idk if im overly sensitive for being annoyed by that comment but like?? i’m pregnant and am not supposed to eat raw seafood. thats a risk for my babies health and i’ve been doing everything i can to make sure im doing, eating and exercising the best ways i can to keep her healthy in there. idk if it’s cuz she’s not been pregnant and doesn’t know the safety precautions for preg women bc my bf was adopted by her. or if it’s an age thing. but i took offense to it. i feel a better response would have been “oh im sorry okay” or nothing at all. 🙄 maybe im being too sensitive. i was so tired and have been from the lack of sleep and pregnancy pains. so she should be here at around 4 more weeks. says 5 on the app cuz that’s calculating 40 weeks but i’ll prob be induced at 39. next weekend we’re preparing her arrival and setting up her bassinet, swing and car seat. 

35 weeks

Christmas

had a pretty relaxed Christmas. my mom was working unfortunately so we wanted to wait for her before anyone opened gifts and obviously to eat Christmas dinner. our tree, although skinny since that’s all there really was this year at Home Depot, we did our best with it and once the presents kept getting wrapped daily and put under it, it filled it up and looked better. 

it’s funny i never thought id be one to ask for kitchen supplies for christmas but becoming pregnant and diagnosed during with “pregnancy diabetes” it caused me to make my own dinners that follow the diet. so if i have to cook which i do not care for, id want really cute items to cook with. so i asked for (been asking for actually a long time now) these kawaii, pink cat knife set. the handles are cat paws 🥺 i can’t. so his mom got me those, he got me pink kitchen utensils that come in a pink holder which i also wanted to match up. and the big one i wanted was a Keurig. unfortunately there were no pink but they had a sea foam green which matches the kitchen. so he bought me my coffee machine and now we be making coffees all the time again. at home when we use to love at the old house id make coffees with our old one multiple times daily and i missed that. saves money too cuz Dunkin every morning is costly. i still wanna set up a cute little coffee area in the kitchen so thats my next project. bfs next project is to clear out some guitars out of the room (thank God) and clean up to put the bassinet together to make an area for Sophia when she arrives. which is soon as fuck. ideally 5-6 more weeks and she’s here already so i want to start on that early this month. 

my bf got me these boots i wanted from Dolls Kill and man looking at them you wouldn’t think it would add like 4-5 inches of height but when i put them on… i look tall af lmao. my sister is like 5’6-5’7 and she looks looks like an amazon woman. they’re so cute tho. 

my birthday is coming up so i changed my wishlist from kaley christmas 2023 to kaley bday 2024. oh yea and there’s NY. ☹️ can’t party it up this year but damn time goes by. as said before, Sophia will be here prob end of Jan (still hoping Feb) but they might want me to have her early bc i am on insulin and have GD. or she just might be ready to greet the world sooner. you never know. i do know it’s getting cramped in there for her because she moves around like crazy and sometimes violently. 

symptoms so far i’d say are:

•painful sciatica.  it’s always hurt but not this bad. 

•lower back pain is awful. 

•emotional for no reason. i was wrapping presents alone, not thinking anything sad, but started to ugly cry out of no where while wrapping. felt like some bit in a comedy romance. just couldn’t hold it back and sobbed. 

•false contractions that make my stomach tighten and it hurts and is super uncomfortable. 

•harder to walk now so i am not too keen on my walks but i force them after dinner (at least)

•i notice my voice has lowered since 2nd and 3rd trimester. and gives out like im sick or something. 

•belly button is really starting to stick out now which disturbs me. 

•the mother of all… i can’t breathe well. hard to sleep every night feeling like i am panicking cuz i can’t breathe. my lungs are super crowded now and it’s miserable. that’s my number 1 thing i hate the most and can’t wait i fix. 

i haven’t had any feet or ankle swelling like a lot of pregnant women go thru. might be my strict diet helping control that or maybe it’ll come closer to the very end, idk. but i’m glad. 

34 weeks

Thursday bf had a show and he said he’d rather me not go cuz it was at a smokey bar and didn’t want me around that. which i didn’t wanna go there anyway cuz he was getting a ride from band friend. i stayed home and had a plan anyway. my family planned on getting him a new tv for christmas for our room. i guess the tv gift is for me too but i am not much of a tv watcher i am a youtube watcher. our old tv was my old one in my bedroom and it was around 5 years old. so it was pretty laggy and would shut off internet connection when turning it on and we’d have to reset the system. or it would turn off completely for no reason in the middle of watching something. it was needing to be replaced. so he went to play his gig and my brother and i had it ordered and ready for pick up that night. we bought it from best buy and even tho we never got the ready to pick up confirmation, we went there to try and get it anyway because the store was closing in an hour and we wanted to set it up for him so when he came home it’d be all set up as a surprise. we got there and stood there for about 30 mins cuz it wasn’t ready and they had to go and get it. not only the tv but my brother got some huge alienware gaming monitor that like curves. so we waited in that too. everyone in my family got their pricey gifts from my mom early. i got my new airpods, bro got the monitor and sister got a nespresso machine. got the tv and monitor and tried setting the tv up on the wall and the mount didn’t fit where the screws were in the tv. so we just set it on the desk. he came home and was like “what’s going on here” and he was so happy. 

Friday i had my weekly NST test to check on baby and again she was doing great. was only a 20 min test because she was active enough to get heart rate readings. she’s doing so well i am so glad. it seems to help to have some coffee before the appointment to make sure she’s awake. afterwards we went to buy a new wall mount, get food stuff for Christmas dinner and run errands. so that wall mount didn’t line up with the screws on the tv either. but it should have cuz it was made for our tv size. 

Saturday we took it back and are gonna get a simple one off of amazon. not any kind that moves the tv around. he just wants a simple one so the tv sticks on wall. we got more stuff for dinner for Christmas and we ran into Jenni and Freddie. funny enough they actually dropped off a bunch of diapers and baby stuff for us but we were sleeping. so we both messaged them and thanked them and then we bump into them at the store lol. i saw her baby and man is she tiny and cute. it’s gearing me up for my own tiny cute baby. i went thru some of the things they dropped off and there are so many cute things. cute little hats were my fave. 

i wrapped presents, baked sugar free brownies and we watched Christmas Vacation. 

i sent in my blood sugar results so far to Dr on Friday morning so that i can catch the OB before the holidays. she told me to continue with 28 units of insulin unless it is still high for 2-3 more days, then on the 26th bump it to 30 units. yesterday it was high at 112 but today it was 85 👏 so she’s right about it trying to kick in and work. i will be cheating on Christmas dinner and having some mashed potatoes. 

tonight my entire family is packing in my moms SUV to drive around and look at Christmas lights. so me, bf, my mom, bro, zack and sister are going along for the ride. i love christmas and will be sad to see it go already. 

power outage

power went out today aka yesterday (12am now) & found out a transformer blew and caught on fire. so none of this street had power on. i ended up fall asleep thru a lot of it. getting feedback from my bf saying it wouldn’t be on til the next night at 8pm and i felt sooo stressed about it. i started getting hot, it was getting dark and i had to use my phone flash light. i wasn’t able to eat lunch because my lunch required heating up. so i skipped lunch and slept. not good bc i need to eat 3 meals a day and check the blood sugar. so i kinda cheated the sugar log by eating 2 boiled eggs and testing it right away instead of 2 hours later. it said 89 so i wrote 89 down 😬 i ate dinner and all that though. power came back on and apparently stopped right at our house and the across the street neighbors. they were working on the rest of the street still. we got lucky.  so relieved i can sleep with ac and power 

still struggling at night to sleep. super restless, waking up and hard to breathe feeling like anxiety attack. sucks so much. waiting on her to drop to my pelvis so i can have some relief in my lung area. when baby drops to pelvis to prepare for birth, breathing is easier cuz the lungs aren’t so crowded. but that also means labor is coming near. scared as hell to give birth. i’m so damn afraid of it. but once she’s here she’s here and that experience will be over with. nervous about about being a mom for the rest of my life. worrying i won’t do it right or that i won’t ever be out of my selfish ways. everyone around me thinks i will be really good and happier. i’m just worried about different things. 

need to buy christmas presents tomorrow, just waiting on money to come in tomorrow. 

33 weeks

even tho the weight isn’t accurate i’m still doing these since i have been since since the beginning 

32 week ultrasound

both appointments went great. everything with baby is good. she weighs 4 lbs and 11 ounces so far and the OB said she’s great, she’s not too big and not too small. 

she upped my insulin though to 26 units. the ultrasound tech was great because she actually left the doppler on my stomach so i could watch her move inside my stomach. i got to see her open her mouth like she was yawning. the tech said she went photo happy and got lots of pics and i said that’s totally cool since last time we didn’t get any. today she was active and doing cute things. this was the more emotional ultrasound appointments because she now looks like a full on baby and is doing baby things i got to see. she got lots of compliments on her nose. she has my nose and side profile. so glad everything so far is looking good for her. according to the results of my appt it says delivery at 39 weeks. so just like the midwife said they’ll probably want to induce me a week early. if there’s any other complications or concerns then shell need to come out earlier. i hope not tho i really want a Feb baby even tho it lookslike she might be late Jan. 

NST test appt went well too. they hooked my belly up to the monitor to keep watch of the heart beat and she was doing well and moving around so i didn’t have to stay there for an hour or 2. i was on there for maybe 30 mins. i could hear her moving inside and kicking me. weird to see and hear at the same time. 

picked up my thank you cards and filled them all out tonight except a couple. i’m so exhausted right now. we ran all over the area to get stuff done. i sold a top off depop and mailed that. the mail lady said congrats to me ^-^

i need to go christmas shopping tomorrow but i gotta pass out im so tired 

prenatal appt

went for my 2 week check up this morning and heartbeat was 150. she didn’t say out loud how my stomach measured this time so idk what it is, but i assume it’s measuring normal since she didn’t say anything bad about it. i haven’t gained that much since my last 2 week appointment. hmm i hope that’s okay. she was talking to me about possibly inducing me a week early if needed which is :( i wanted her to be a February baby but she might be a January baby like me. i think the OB will talk to me about that on Friday since im getting closer. 

i was having old brown blood come out but i believe thats due to intimacy. i told her and she said thats normal after intimacy to possibly bleed lightly. as long as it isn’t heavy bleeding and cramping which it wasn’t. it’s already gone and only lasted half a day. my OB bumped me up to 22 units and my blood sugar/fasting number was good one day then today high again. so i’ll tell her this when i see her on Friday. so basically what im gathering is if i still am not fully controlled with my blood sugar levels they will want to induce me early or encourage me to try and get induced myself by taking something. i can’t remember what but im starting to get a bit scared.  i’m terrified of giving birth due to pain which is horribly bad and i am scared cuz once she’s here that’s reality and that’s when my life will be changed. having a child is forever. they’ll be baby then grow up and become their own person and i need to be a good parent for the rest of my life. i’m getting scared of the change and responsibilities. i know ill adapt but it’s just reality is here in full force soon. 

photo dump ^-^

lights

went downtown to look at christmas lights this weekend 

32 weeks

8 months pregnant now. she’s gonna be here so soon i’m nervous. 

no trip this weekend

can’t sleep as usual. was waking every night at 3am-ish. not it’s moved to 4am-ish. feels like i am having anxiety attacks. shortness of breath like im not breathing enough. i think my lungs are just crowded… idk but its so annoying. i’m really tired but can’t fall asleep, can’t get get comfortable no matter what. 

so no trip to Mum’s cuz my brother’s flu symptoms got worse. so we decided to go next Saturday ugh. keep putting it off, feels like it’ll never happen lol. i texted her and she was understanding of course. we made dinner last night and my brother didn’t even stick around to eat cuz he fell so sick.  my mom seems better but still coughing. my cough isn’t as bad as it was for like 3 weeks. i wasn’t even sick like them it was just this cough that was there. so since tomorrow is no trip, my bf and i are gonna walk around downtown and look at christmas lights and to just walk around and get out in general. 

tried to get my thank you cards printed yesterday but the man at Office Depot was no help. says they don’t print stuff for people anymore? only way to do it is to upload it to the website and blah blah. well we ran into this problem last night with the baby shower invitations, but the girl just had us email her and she printed them up for us, gave us a low price and extras. like this old man just sucked. so we left and called around and why is everyone’s printers down at the same time?? we called a couple places and they all said the same thing. so we called an independent company and she was really nice, told us she can absolutely print our cards up but we’ll have to pick them up next week. so i emailed the templates and she’s gonna get back to us with a quote and stuff. might not be as cheap as when we got the invitations but that was just lucky. 

got christmas tree finally. i have been waiting for christmas tree and since we aren’t going in our trip, we got our tree to decorate tonight. 

my bf keeps commenting how i look so normal with certain clothes on or from the back. like i look small, not pregnant whatsoever. but then i turn or have the right clothes on and my stomach is out. i also had fishnets on and when i took my clothes off i told him my stomach looked like a holiday ham or turkey all wrapped in the wiring. 😭 

normal looking

then bam. baby in stomach 

she’s been kicking me a lot and sometimes it’s weird. feels really weird and her limbs can be felt in full force. kinda creepy sometimes but kinda fun. i played music today in the car while i was waiting on my bf to come back from the guitar shop and she was dancing ^-^

mini trip

Mr Dabs has currently made himself at home on my pregnancy pillow and my baby’s clothes 

tomorrow going to make a list of everyone who bought off of my registry and came to my baby shower. or just bought me things in general for baby. i picked out a template and gonna buy it tonight. i’m going to edit it so it just says “thank you” across and a blank space, below it “love kaley and joe”. so i can write whatever i want to the person receiving the card. i wanted my invites and thank you cards more personal and not just “thanks” have a card. going to have them printed tomorrow and when i get back from my mini road trip to see Mum, i’ll work on them and send them out.  

so we’re going to visit Mum on Saturday, provided my brother is feeling better. my mom got sick with the flu and gave it to my brother. i’m glad i got that flu shot, man. so going to visit her a few hours away for the day. going to have lunch up there with her and spend the day. it’s her and my bf’s first time meeting. i wanted him to come too since he’s the father and i thought it would be important for him to come as well. she’s apparently giving us a second swing and bassinet. some other baby clothes as well. her friend’s daughter had a girl so i’m getting more free clothes. i already went thru the bag of donated clothes and kept what was cute or what was in excellent condition. my bf went out to donate the rest before work. so ill do the same here with this batch. 

i’m feeling down about stuff and it’s something that won’t go away, this i know. i hold onto past stuff too much. obsess over it and im not proud of how i am handling some of it but it needs to be handled. i just wish i didn’t feel like this. harping on it nearly every day now. i just want to be happy and happy with my little family i have starting soon. 

loved

i can’t believe how much we have gotten for my baby already. lots of people spoiled us with lots of cute goods for her and i couldn’t be more appreciative. 

some items i got from bfs work friends 

 so damn cute omg. the bottles too have pandas on them and i collect them. doubt they knew that so it was pure luck. Aubri & Alex got us all this, plus diapers, a book & the high chair off of my registry. they went all out man 🥰

so much love from his work friends i can’t. 😭 

so far off and on registry we’ve gotten:

-2 baby walkers

-2 bassinets

-stroller

-2 swings

-rocker

-bottle pack

-outfits

-bottle warmer

-baby play mat

-toys

-pillow

-blankets

-wash cloths

-playpen

-diaper bag

-baby bath

-car seat/carrier

-high chair

so much needed items. still need a crib but not for a while and a changing table. 

31 weeks

baby shower

i am beat. exhausted from the past few days of setting up, creating, planning my baby shower. it turned out so pretty though thanks to friends & family. i was so glad Sophia came & i got to see her. haven’t seen her since her wedding & meeting her 6 year old daughter… so damn, haven’t seen her in at least 6 years she drove all the way over here for my baby shower & im blessed. sometimes i get down or scared of having my baby but then there are instances like today where i see my friends interacting with their daughters. its so cute. i got lots of items from our friend Cristina. she gave us lots of her daughters old clothes and toys. so many cute items too. my other friends who bought me items last minute off my registry are surprisingly some of the more pricey items. i took a peak & they went all out. so damn nice. my daughter has it all almost. she’s got so much shit lol. it was really special but i’m glad it’s over. i’m so exhausted and drained. i’m ready to enjoy my December & Christmas time now. minus all the appts. 

can’t sleep

woke up as usual every night and feel like it’s hard to breathe and my stomach is uncomfortable each way i try to lay down. so i’m laying here and i hear my bf say in his sleep “fuck you”, while pointing in the air and then goes “just kidding, thank you”. wtf. 

so i got my hair done yesterday and my sister came since i still haven’t fixed my car tag. i’m kind of thinking ill just keep getting rides and stuff because i don’t want to pay for a new tag for this year when i literally have to turn around and pay for the new one in January in my birthday. so she stuck around too cuz my sister is a talker so i feel like i don’t have to make conversation. my sister has all kinds of things to talk about cuz her job and stuff keeps her life super interesting. mine in the other hand is just about this pregnancy. so it was easier for her to be there to keep me and hair stylist entertained. i asked her to make my hair super duper light blonde. kinda showed her a pic and she did just that. used only bleach and no gloss or anything. it looks good and i’m happy with it, especially for baby shower. so i have my dress and my hair done. she didn’t cut my hair cuz she said i honestly don’t really need to do it. since i’ve been keeping up with it and getting it trimmed properly each hair visit. 

got home and when bf got home we made chili for dinner FL got to 67f at the high today and 50s at night and figured chili is good for that. also its quick to make. we stopped by store and i got some chocolate syrup thats sugar free to put on my carb smart ice cream 😭 then we started finishing the flowers. so we made 5 or 6 big flowers and my mom made the smaller ones that are going inside the big flowers to make them look even more full. they turned out pretty good for being paper. then we have to attach them to the stems tomorrow my bfs mom made. Thursday we’re gonna go to Paulseidons after bf and my mom are off work to decorate some. then going back Friday for finishing up decorating. cooking food for Saturday and ordering the platters. 

now i just wish i could sleep thru the nights. my second trimester was great i was sleeping so well for the most part but third trimester, forget it. im constantly waking around 3-4 am every night, tossing around trying to get comfortable and trying to breathe. not suppose to sleep on my back but i find myself laying on my back or waking up on my back a lot. my stomach is getting bigger and bigger each day 😭 

getting overwhelmed

so many fucking appts and i’m not here for it. i have to start doing the non stress test to monitor baby’s heart rate activity every single week til i give birth. so they scheduled me for every friday starting the 15th. the 15th i have an ultrasound appt at 11am 40 mins away. then i have to rush over to the hospital back down here 40 mins back for a 1PM non stress test appt. so dec 15th is busy af. 

i have another 2 week prenatal appt in the morning on dec 13th. and at some point it’s gonna drop to every week. so it’ll end up being 2 appts every week. 

rushing to finish baby shower decorations. need to be done by Wed cuz we’re going to Paulseidons to start decorating on Thursday night and friday night. Saturday is the baby shower. 

Dec 9th, me, bf and brother are driving 3 hours to Tampa to visit my grandma for a day then coming back that night. 

had my prenatal appt this morning and everything checked out good. tomorrow i have a hair appointment to get my hair highlighted for my baby shower and in general. 

it’s just a lot and i’m getting overwhelmed. 

like damn, every single friday morning i lay there hooked up to some belt and machine for up to an hour. helppp 😔

30 weeks

10 more weeks or less to go. depending on when she wants to come out or when the drs think she should. 

went to my bfs show last night with my sister. lots of friends there and coming up to me being nice. i was so tired & my belly was sore. she was moving and dancing inside my stomach while her dad played in his band. she was all over the place. i was so hot and ready to go though by this time so we left but my bf had to stay a little longer since the last band was using his amp. 

before the show 

after the show zzzz

Thanksgiving

we went to the park after eating to feed the animals. i ended up eating some foods that were not GD friendly and i did take too long to walk after so my blood sugar was 138 :( the OB did say i could have a cheat day for Thanksgiving but to stick to one bad carbed food. i ended up having 3 😶 i even had some apple pie and ice cream today 😕 but i walked for like 30-40 mins tonight. blood sugar was still over 120 but not by too much (127). i had my fix tho til Christmas dinner. back to strict tomorrow. 

we found a cat on yesterday’s walk.

 it was a kitten that came right up to us and had a collar on. we tried to read the tag but the cat was ornery about us touching his neck. other than that he was friendly and followed us a bit. weird thing was is there was a plastic bag full of kitten food spilled out on the ground near by. so we walked back home to grab a cat carrier to take the cat home to try and locate the owners the next day but when we got back the cat was gone. so my bf posted pics of the cat on FB missing pets group and someone replied saying it was their cat Mochi. they said the cat is an indoor outdoor cat and she was glad we didn’t take her cuz her kids would be devastated. ummm? my beef with that was why are you letting your kitten roam around, crossing busy roads? like outdoor okay whatever but if you find your young cat is crossing busy roads and wandering around looking lost, maybe keep the cat indoors. it looked too young. too that off why was there a ziplock bag of cat food on the ground?? odd shit. everyone commented on the post my bf made and was ragging in her for allowing her baby cat to roam wherever and cross the street over to the elementary school. 

also on the walk we saw this weird string of lights gliding across the sky. my bf says it was a string of satellites that are being sent out to space. idk much about that shit. my bf is way into it lol

first insulin injection

so i injected the insulin now hoping my fasting numbers are better. she started me off low so it might not do anything idk. we’ll see when i check blood sugar around 8am. 🤞🏼

i’ve been struggling with negative thoughts & feeling super depressed. the baby took my mind off of things for a small period of time tonight cuz she was kicking the hell out of me. instead of bumps, i can now feel her limbs like actual edges of her hands or feet. it’s a little weird honestly. kinda scary and uncomfortable but cool too. 

peaked at my registry tonight. found out who bought what & looks like by father got the stroller & swing. he bought the more expensive items. big Sophia bought me a bottle warmer, playmat & more too. the gifts she chose weren’t cheap either. was pretty impressed. bfs mom bought the baby tub thing & Mum got the car seat which i knew of. so far 10 big items have been bought and waiting on them to arrive. we’re going to work on the big flowers we’re making this week i think. planning food this week too & i still need to get a dress. picked like 3-4 out. might buy like 2 & return whatever one i end up not wearing. 

29 weeks

i’ve started to get more baby shower gifts in the mail. today i received a baby swing and today we have to pick up a car seat/baby carrier from Target that Mum got me from my registry. she said there was an issue trying to ship it here for some reason. i pick up my insulin tomorrow to start insulin shots before bed. fun…

i still have this cough and it’s still hard to talk sometimes without feeling like coughing. i’m not sick though so idk why this is still happening over 2 weeks later. i started taking cough medicine safe for pregnancy. it helps a little. this morning my belly hurt so bad. if i lay on one side during sleep and try to switch sides it hurts so bad. also had some ligament pains after intimacy last night. so maybe i stretched it too much idk but it feels like muscle cramps all over my stomach. she isn’t moving too much yet today. she was super violent yesterday morning. the kicked me or punched me like a boxer multiple times in a row and i was kinda scared for a moment. like it was startling and more so than usual. i think about 30 weeks the movements start to get very known. is she a boxer or is she a dancer? 

got more incense. tried gathering more fall & winter scents. we had points from the store so we got free 10 more. walking out with 20. we went to pick up stuff for a couple dinners this week & while at the store a lady walked up to me & said “you look very beautiful & with the baby you look even more beautiful”. very nice of her to say. even though compliments make me nervous, it does lift me up a bit. during this pregnancy & even before i was feeling super low about how i look. very negative, very zero confidence. so pregnancy bringing on so much ugly things like breaking out, stomach roundness & milk leaks i feel gross. the slack on putting myself together & just not feeling happy enough to put on makeup. then there’s jealousy of other pretty women. feeling ugly in comparison. compliments coming from strangers who don’t have to say anything at all but do means a lot. bf, family etc should mean more than things a stranger says but strangers don’t have to go up to you and out of their way to say nice things. which makes me feel like what they say is true. idk if that’s how i should be thinking but it’s a way to look at it. that being said i do try to put some effort sometimes 

baby is measuring good

ultrasound appt this morning. so she looked at my blood sugar results so far and was super impressed with my meal numbers. she said “i love you, can we just keep you here to tell everyone else what to do”. that made me feel so much relief. the amount of times i’ve beat myself up over a spike once or twice or higher than i’d personally like. i’m doing really well with the diet. the fasting numbers she said can’t be helped because it’s hormones and stuff. so she is putting me on insulin at night before bed. i have to inject it into my stomach. wanted to start on it asap but my pharmacy had to call it in and order it. so i’ll start insulin on Monday night. 

no ultrasound pictures because couldn’t get good ones. baby Sophia was not cooperating. she had her back turned the whole time and i saw her little foot tapping. saw her spine super clearly and her head. she weighs 2 lbs and 14 ounces which they said was great. her heart rate was slower than i am use to seeing but it’s still in the normal range. 136 bpm. so it seemed as if she was sleeping or relaxing and didn’t wanna be bothered. stubborn baby. i go back in 4 weeks for another ultrasound to check on her growth. she told me i was allowed to have a cheat day on Thanksgiving and just pick one bad food i like the most and stick to that then walk extra. 

so got a surprise text, well my bf did. it said “hi this is sophia” and bf was like uhhh is she texting from the womb.  my initial reacting was like sophia who? cuz i didn’t think about my childhood friend she was named after coming since she lives 3 hours away. i figured it was someone who got invited somehow. then bf was like “Sophia”  i was so shocked. she’s actually going to make the 3 hour drive and come for my baby shower. she asked about bringing her husband and 6 year old. i am so happy because again, my baby was named after her. i haven’t seen big Sophia since her wedding in like 2016. that’s so fucking nice man. part of me was dreading my baby shower but now i’m not. 

busy

went to my prenatal appt. last 4 week appointment, now it’s every 2 weeks. so i have another about on the 27th. then the next day i have my hair appt. so she did the usual… measuring my belly and documenting the baby’s heart rate. my belly measurement is 29cm. 26-30cm is good, midwife said she had a growth spurt. her heart rate was 141 bpm. so far everything is looking good. i gave her my blood sugar test results so far and my blood pressure. she said all the numbers are great, but the fasting ones will be looked at by the OBGYN. she thought it was weird that they never called about my appointment as well. so she said she’s gonna make the call. so she went and called them and she said if i don’t hear from them by the afternoon to call her and tell her. but they ended up calling today and i have a ultrasound appointment on Friday. she tried getting me in the closer obgyn but they called and said it was the further away one 😫 i’ll be getting up a bit earlier that morning. so the ultrasound will be measuring her growth to make sure she is not growing to big too quickly since i have GD. they’ll talk to me about possible insulin injections and medications. the medicine that i’m already taking so they’ll probably up it. we’ll see. 

busy fucking month man. Friday ultrasound appt, 23rd thanksgiving, 27th prenatal appt, 28th hair appt then my baby shower is the 2nd of dec. so i still have to get with my friend to make some of the decorations. the Friday before my baby shower we’re gonna decorate so it’s all up for Saturday. gotta get the food and put it out early on Saturday too. still haven’t gotten my baby shower dress idk what im gonna do yet. i still haven’t gotten my insurance or tag renewed since i can’t afford it right now. storage unit bill came out and so did the phone bill. so we can’t afford it right now. was trying to ask bf for help but his insurance bs is costing so much he can’t help right now. so i’m without a car for a couple weeks which sucks cuz i need it for my appts. unless my sister or bf can take me. mad my brother is still taking my car out to get food. if he gets pulled over again it’s over. 

dinner

dinner tonight was pork chops, zucchini, squash, mushrooms, spinach and brown rice.

i tried portion sizing like the diagram showed. walked 10 mins & my blood sugar score was 97 ✅ my eating numbers are good just not the damn fasting ones. 

appt in the morning & bf taking me. gonna mention the fasting numbers & say they still never called to schedule my ultrasound appt. annoying. 

dinners

dinner been kinda like this lately. whole grain rice, vegetables, meat (no red). caffeine free diet coke as a treat. 

i did change it up and made alfredo with shrimp and chicken using whole grain penne pasta. man it was so good. rice and quinoa get kinda old after some time. god i can’t wait to not have to be THIS strict on my diet. i’m going to still eat this diet after birth to keep type 2 diabetes away. because once you have GD and give birth… GD goes away but future is risky for type 2 d. so i’ll be eating the same diet which is fine. but i’ll have more options like ill be able to eat sushi again and different ways of eating fish. i’ll be able to be a wine mom and have wine with my dinner or while cooking. it’ll be less strict than now where im strict, schedules and constantly carb counting. 

i feel overwhelmed still. a lot happening so fast. my grandma called and asked me to call back when i’m feeling up to it to talk about baby girl things she’s been collecting from her friends daughters baby. she’s gonna send it all to me which is super nice and helpful. i just hate talking on the phone and acting upbeat. my normal voice can sound unhappy even though i feel the opposite. so it takes hard effort to ramp it up. the maternal fetal medicine people still haven’t called me. i need that fucking appointment. i go in for my last 4th week prenatal appointment before it becomes every 2 weeks tomorrow morning. if they haven’t called im gonna tell the midwife they still haven’t called and personally put in the request at the desk. this is the second request that had been mentioned and still no appointment call. my fasting numbers are still high and i need that looked at asap. 

so this lady my bf got into a shouting match with down the street 6 months ago while he was driving home and she was walking. i wasn’t there so i don’t get what really happened but she was walking and he was driving and she started shouting at him about her walking when he had a stop sign but he said something like it was a stop and go situation where they both tried going at the same time. usually when that happens people laugh and let the other person go. but she was shouting and cursing and my bf did so back. this happened so long ago. well when we were going for my after lunch walk she was walking ahead of us with her kid. she walks to the school to pick her up. we were some feet behind. not close or anything. but as we were walking the daughter turns around and looks at us, then the mom does. so it’s obvious the mom was talking about us to the kid. then the daughter looks back again and they start speeding up. ????  as they enter their property my bf said a guy turned around from the house and looked over at us. wtf? like she acted all scared of us and scaring her kid in the process by saying whatever it was she was saying. like bitch we are over it? you and bf arguing happened maybe a bit more than half a year ago. why are you speeding up and having your kid look back as us and acting fearful lol. for one we were just walking, me with a frilly pink dress on with my preggo belly round as ever. like what is wrong with you? got that kid scared as fuck. that day of the argument after they were arguing, my bf and i were headed out and she had picked her kid up and started to yell at him again as we were getting in the car with her daughter in hand. like why are you doing this with your kid, looking scared as hell. she shouldn’t haven said anything and just walked in and moved on. my bf yelled back to have a nice day and proceeded to say great parenting. the whole thing was stupid. so that was odd anyways. move on jesus christ. lol so weird. 

3rd trimester / 28 weeks

can’t believe i’m in the 3rd trimester now. last and final phase of pregnancy. 28 weeks & very nervous and scared about giving birth 

nutritionist

went to meet with the nutritionist Friday & she was really nice. i knew it though… i was already on the right track and doing everything she said. she gave me a pamphlet and it shows that i need to eat more vegetables. the plate servings should be mainly vegetables, next protein then complex carbs. the chart was helpful though cuz it listed everything good and bad to eat on this diet. i knew most of it but seeing it all down was easier. i also have to count carbs now. 15-30g carbs each main meal and 10-15g carbs per snack. i am confused cuz she said the fasting numbers aren’t as important as the meal time numbers. but everything i have ready says otherwise. fasting numbers need fixed and are important to maintain because that’s a lot of hours that go by that sugar is just building up and getting into the placenta to my baby. so im still waiting on maternal fetal medicine to call and schedule an appointment with me to get another ultrasound and to talk about my fasting numbers. ill go with what the doctor says over the nutritionist obviously. but at least i went and now the drs will get off my back about going. i wasn’t even told to come back since i was already doing the diet apparently. she just gave me her card and said to call if i have questions. 

i’m so tired right now i barely slept. i’ve been having a hard time sleeping and getting comfortable because i feel like i am having an anxiety attack and can’t breathe idk if it’s just the shortness of breath due to my lungs getting more squashed or if it’s straight anxiety. 

so bf walked next door ti his work to the insurance place and got a quote for my auto insurance. expensive cuz of my credit 😞 i honestly don’t think i even have much built up cuz i don’t use credit cards. come to think of it i have never had my own insurance. it’s always been under my moms name in the past. so i might need it to be under someone else’s name again. gonna try another one that bfs boss recommended in the next town. otherwise, yep, gonna have to be under somebody else’s name cuz i gotta have insurance and get this tag fixed i can’t be without car. 

made an appt with the nutritionist 🙄 don’t wanna go but at least my bf can go with me friday to that. still waiting on maternal fetal medicine to call so i can make an appt to talk to the specialist obgyn and get ultrasound to make sure baby sophia is growing properly and not too big or anything. i followed another recommendation from reddit and tested again to try and get my fasting numbers down. so the key for them is to drink protein shake before bed. i went out last night with bf after his band practice & bought Premier protein shakes in chocolate flavor. it worked. i finally got my fasting number under 95 like it should be. scored 91. so to be sure this isn’t some fluke? i have 3 left and gonna try again tonight. 🤞🏼 ate breakfast and had an iced coffee from dunkin and my sugar level was 103. 👍🏼 so far so good. one lady said she tried the protein shake thing and it worked at first but stopped. so that could be a possibility for me too. i’d prefer not to have to go the insulin route but we’ll see what the specialist says and the nutritionist says. as much as i don’t wanna go and i feel like i have my own handle on this ill hear her out. mostly so they’ll stop hounding me at the drs to make the appt and go. 

so funny, at Walgreens last night when i went to get my protein drinks, the girl that works there sees me all the fucking time cuz m my bro and bf go in there at night multiple times a week. so she sees me randomly look pregnant one day obviously. so she’s like “i’ve been meaning to ask you… how’s it going” and i said “it’s been difficult” cuz of this GD shit and she said she noticed one day basically my stomach looking pregnant i was like yea i kinda just popped one day. which is so true. it was weird like randomly i looked pregnant? now i can’t hide it at all it’s blatant lol. i hope my belly button doesn’t pop out i think that’s so creepy and gross. its moved up i can see so it might. 😖 i also still have my belly ring in and i don’t wanna take it out so im waiting as long as i can. i’ll prob have to tho or maybe get those ugly pregnancy ones that look like a piece of thin plastic in there. 

got pulled over

well got pulled over finally for having a 2 year expired tag. luckily, my brother was driving. my brother said it’s his sisters car so he had no idea. then the second cop came over to my side asking if i’m the sister. he then went on about how this is a serious offense and i could get jail time and asked if i had kids. i said no but in pregnant right now. he congratulated me and we talked about his 2 year old. he said he respects women so much for having to go thru this and that we’re strong lol. he talked about how alien it was seeing the epidural needle his wife had to get and how alien it is to see the babies move in the stomach lol he was very cool. the other cop came back giving my brother a warning saying to let his sister know she needs to get this fixed cuz this is a serious offense and if i were to get pulled over again by another cop, it’s up to them what they want to do. fine, warning or arrest. glad i got cool cops man i was scared. 

hard for me afford insurance right now so trying to figure that out. not gonna drive my car around now in case. sigh. 

baby shower decorations

bf came home from work with a big bag and it was full of my baby shower decorations that Paige bought. so pretty everything matches the invitations. so many hanging flowers. i asked her how much she spent so we can give her money toward what she purchased. so nice 😊 

blood sugar level this morning was shocking way lower than it has been so far. score of 98. after eating a salad for dinner (early) & 2 boiled eggs 2 hours later for a snack plus a 10 min walk. so i tried this method again tonight and ate a salad from Chick Fil A (early again) and at 9:12 i check the blood sugar and eat a snack so prob 2 boiled eggs. see what happens in the morning tests. was a little disappointed this morning after i tested it after breakfast and it was 120. tested it again on my forearm and it said 109. i think the fingertip is the most accurate unfortunately. it hurts and the forearm doesn’t feel like anything 😭 so it might have been higher from adding extra granola onto my greek yogurt parfait this morning. idk. 120 isn’t bad but it’s right on the dot if not needing to be any higher. doctor never called but i think it’s because the midwife isn’t in til Tues. i’m thinking about just making the stupid ass appt with the stupid dietitian this week and just going. i don’t want to but i feel like if i do i don’t feel worry that the drs will hound me for not going. i’ll just make an appt this week, go to that and if the dr office calls back tomorrow about my appt i wanted to make… ill either accept it and go if they can get me in by Wed or ill tell them to just forget it & i’ll go to my appt next Tuesday. then ill have already seen the dietitian and they can converse. idk. my mom is worried im not eating enough. 

i knew id get obsessed over the numbers and obsess over getting them as low as possible and worrying about scores such as 120. she thinks i might not be eating enough cuz of my restriction on sugars to keep it so low. but i literally eat 3 meals a day and 3 snacks. so 6 times a day im eating and walking 10 mins after at least 2 meals. i read that pregnant with GD should have around 175g carbs and under a day. i think today i had (estimated) 100 or under grams of carbs today. i guess the dietitian can let me know. it’s just i hear so much about dietitians being wrong on what to do because it doesn’t always work for the same person. it’s like a trial and error thing. so i just don’t want to go. maybe i should not make the dietician appt yet until they asked at my next appt. i’ll just say i had to cancel before cuz i was busy but i plan on rescheduling idkkkk. stressing out about it tho. 

i am also randomly emotional. i had to drop bf off at work cuz his car battery was dead. on the way back home i was listening to dance gavin dance and i started to sob. today i saw a 26 week old premature baby crying in the nicu on tiktok and i started crying. ive been looking up what a baby looks like out of the womb at the week im at and now they’re showing up in my fyp making me emotional. 

27 weeks pregnant

didn’t sleep much Friday night. well, at all really. maybe 2 hours. was upset and dwelling all night as baby was kicking the hell out of me. i managed to even record her and you can see it from the outside well like Alien or something. like from midnight to 6am it was constant bumping around in my stomach. so after dealing w what was bothering me, we ran around doing some errands. i was a zombie and so tired but i managed to stay awake the entire day. went to bed at midnight. so my fasting blood sugars are still so bad. i’m sure when i test it again  in 2 hours it’ll be shitty. so need to call dr Monday and let them know in case i should come in earlier than the 14th. i hate reading stuff online cuz then it scares you. them saying do not wait past 3 days if high fasting numbers. call dr right away 😳

got invitations all sent out for baby shower. my sisters best friend was already on top of it and had already bought stuff off of my registry. i was wondering what package was sitting, waiting for me on the table. she ordered 3 items off my registry. ☺️ felt like early Christmas. damn i can’t wait for Dec and Christmas vibes. even though that means giving birth is coming up soon. i’m so scared. but i can’t wait to get my body back & be able to stop feeling like a prisoner in my body. i’ll have freedom to do more again. can get in shape by summer prob. only thing i’ll miss if they go away is D cups 😭 

baby shower invitations made

we got our baby shower invitations made. still sad Paige wasn’t able to make them cuz her ipad but she’s making the thank you cards up. so we got the invitations printed up at Office Depot. had some trouble getting them sent to their email cuz the machine was down and then they forgot about us cuz they were so busy. but we got helped and just emailed them to a worker there and she priced it out for us and printed them up. came out cheaper too. suppose to be about 28.00 for 18 prints and envelopes. but she charged us 22.00 and made a ton extra accidentally lol so we got even more of them free. 

 we drove around and dropped some of them off to friends in their mailboxes. the rest will be mailed out so tomorrow we need to get more stamps and the rest of the addresses from people. feeling accomplished now cuz i was getting worried about not getting them out in time. 

so my blood sugar was higher today after breakfast. disappointed in the number at 120 even though it’s right in the dot of being a safe number. so after i ate lunch i walked for 10 mins down the street and then was in and out of the car putting envelopes in mailboxes, went to walgreens and got back to check my blood sugar which was 88! so it looks like after every meal im going to walk 10 mins. it really kills the blood sugar. still have one more chance to get my fasting number down but if no luck i need to contact the doctor cuz its bad to have high fasting numbers. might have to call about it on Monday & see what they say. i have an appt in 11 days but idk if i should wait. net says don’t wait longer than 3 days of high fasting blood sugars. i might need insulin 😖 

sigh

feeling overwhelmed and anxious. woke up againnnn before the sun came up and felt restless and hard to breathe. feels like panic attack. i could feel it even in my dreams when i finally fell back asleep. lots of tossing and turning. worrying about my blood sugar and all that. i’m afraid if i fail at this or it doesn’t go well something will be wrong with my baby. 

my fasting number again this morning was 104. still high and idk what i’m doing wrong. the late night snack i had was goat cheese which i kinda don’t like but kinda do at around midnight. i had the atkins bar as a snack too around 9 or so. i’m going to try not to eat any snacks super late and see if that changes my fasting numbers. next test if that doesn’t work im going to have a protein bar, if that fails im gonna try to drink water every time i get up to go to the bathroom in the night. if those fail im going to have to tell the drs & they might just put me on insulin. my placenta is blocking it i guess. i cried this morning briefly cuz im feeling stressed and overwhelmed by all this. strict eating at strict times, pricking my finger 4 times a day and now possibly insulin shots daily on top of that. i’m worried about possibly having to give birth early and having a possible c section. i am just anxious all the time about this. 

also i ate the same breakfast as yesterday but my reading was 112, so i tested it again and it said 102??? so is the device not accurate or is that normal to be fluctuating that amount? i’m still under 120 but like what if it said 125 but a second reading said below 120? so is my blood sugar high or low. now i am unsure how accurate my other readings were. i bought the solution online to test the accuracy of the device to make sure its running properly. if it is not then ill need to tell the doctors. if it is then i guess those fluctuations don’t mean much. 

i’m tired and stressed out. depressed and anxious. 

good blood sugar scores

so i’m bummed out that Paige can’t design my baby shower invites. she texted me back saying her ipad is not working and she’s dealing with it with Apple and doesn’t know when she could work on it. i could sense the stress in the text so i told her not to worry about it. i went ahead and bought one from a designer off of some site. it’s really pretty so i edited it to my liking and wrote my own info in it. this weekend my bf and i are going to have them printed up by this weekend for giving and sending out. Dec 2nd is the baby shower from 2pm-5pm. i went ahead and edited it myself to add my QR code for my registry ^u^

so today my blood sugar numbers were great. i canceled my nutritionist appt because after how i felt about it and doing some research, most women are saying it was pointless for them to go. some said they went once and not again, others said they were scolded and yelled at by their nutritionists to eat more carbs and such. everyone else said to skip it and do your own research online because all that info is readily available anywhere. i have been on and off these low carb and anti inflammatory diets for years. everyone is different and everyone’s bodies react differently to different foods. one woman said her dietician told her to eat this and that and when she did her blood sugars wouldn’t go down. so she did her own thing and its been working for her. so i figured i’d cancel and do my own thing and if it doesn’t work out i’ll see the dietician. i’ll let the midwife know that too. i hope they don’t get mad about it. they can’t make you go. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

my fasting blood sugar was at 106 today (yesterdays was 112) i need to be around 95 so i’m hoping as time goes on eating better my fasting numbers will go down too. some women can’t keep theirs down :(

for breakfast i had a breakfast bowl my bf cooked. he made me scrambled eggs, chorizo and spinach. i ate that and my blood sugar score was 97

had cheese as first of my 3 snacks

lunch i had little bowl of lobster bisque which has bad stuff in it but it’s all i had and i was getting lightheaded. i also had 5-6 wasabi peas.  i paced around the room for 10 mins & blood sugar was at 97

had yogurt as my second out of 3 snacks

dinner i had a chick fil a cobb salad and a caffeine free diet coke  blood sugar score was 86! 

just ate my 3rd snack of the night and it was an Atkins low carb chocolate bar. i went to walgreens and got them cuz i was dying for something sweet. tomorrow ill find out what my fasting numbers are. i hope they’re low. i need to eat more healthy carbs but tonight i had a salad. my bf made me brown rice, chorizo and spinach for me to eat at lunch. so that’s good cuz i need to incorporate more whole grains. i’ll be checking my blood sugar again for the hell of it after i ate this atkins chocolate bar to make sure it’s safe to eat. it should be but again, all bodies react differently. 

blood pressure check 👍🏼

went to my appointment and my blood pressure check was normal. first time at the dr since i’ve been pregnant. i wonder if those low dose aspirins are working then. i still keep logging it morning and night every day. it’s been good during those times too. she told me to keep logging it and bring it back in next appointment (in 2 weeks). nurse showed me how to use the blood sugar monitor. she said before i eat in the morning, then 2 hours after i eat each meal. so i tried it there and i was scared at first cuz i don’t like my fingertip pricked but i did it and it was more startling than anything. something that will take getting use to for sure. my blood sugar was 112 so that was good. we got Wawa breakfast and i ordered a breakfast bowl with scrambled eggs, sausage, spinach, tomatoes, caramelized onions & chipotle and hot sauce. it was pretty healthy choice. so in 2 hours ill check the blood sugar again. seems this is gonna have to be a test to see what triggers my blood sugar. i didn’t get an iced latte this morning cuz ive been having anxiety feeling like an anxiety attack at night and this morning. so i cut the caffeine out for a lil bit. 

i think ive just been stressed with these new lifestyle changes that have just been sprung onto me so quickly. having been diagnosed with gestational diabetes and having to check blood sugar and go in a strict diet during pregnancy and possibly the rest of my life if i end up with diabetes in the future. says a high percentage of women who develop GD during pregnancy will have it regularly in the future. all cuz of how the placenta developed 😒 so that and having the meet with a nutritionist soon as i make appointment, more specialized OBs for my high risk pregnancy having to prob do more tests. just a lot going on for me that i am not use to. then the baby coming is obviously a complete life changing experience. it’s just all coming on too fast and im stressing. 

ugh i wish i wasn’t the way i am with socializing and stuff but my friend from school messaged me in a group message with my other 2 school friends asking about getting together for lunch sometime soon. whenever i get messages i tend to leave them unread a lot cuz i don’t like the feeling of obligation to reply. i don’t want to socialize even though it’d be great for me to do. catching up with old school friends would be a positive thing. i’m just so… not social. i think one of my other friends is the same way in the group chat. years ago she started to become distant and not wanting to hang out cuz of her reasons which i think i know i don’t wanna say. but it’s all the same for me it’s just… not wanting to do anything lol. so i messaged back saying ive been busy with pregnancy but it does sound nice lol which isn’t a lie. things are about to get really busy. between these appointments and the baby shower planning it’s a lot at once.