great news

they arrested a guy for the Idaho murders!!!! what a great way to start my day honestly. I'm so happy to hear that. this case has been bothering me so badly. also I was super worried for my other guinea pig cuz she keeps scratching. I was going to make another vet appointment but decided I'd check her first and her skin feels fine. no rough patches. so relieved in that too. :) :)

what the heck

so it looks like we may have been quick enough to cancel that money order that was stolen. this isn't the only weird thing that happened. my sister sent me her conversation between her and her bf. her bf was suppose to do a roof inspection but the owner of the house wasn't answering the door. so he just went ahead with the roof inspection. he said it was his first inspection alone. the home owners granddaughter shows up and asks who my sister's bf us and he's like "I'm suppose to inspect the roof." the granddaughter says the family has been trying to call him for days with no response. well, they find out he's dead inside. wtf like... what is going on these past few days? it's not even the new year yet. I hope Zacks okay and not traumatized and I hope the family is okay after finding this out. 

I was just going to post my pictures cuz I didn't have anything to say til I woke up and got those messages from her.

our car was broke into

what a great way to end Christmas night by having our family car broken into. my sister had to call the police when she found out someone broke in my mom's car my sister uses for work, to steal our house money order. 

my mom put away 2 grand in money orders so that we wouldn't touch it so we can use it for her getting a place. my mom took out 1 of them so she could buy Christmas presents and she was gonna put that money back after she got paid since she wouldn't get paid in time for Christmas.so they stole 1 thousand dollars from us and tried using my sister's card at some gas station on Ave D.

so they stole our money and the police found my mom's license in someone's yard. people are such pieces of shit to steal from others. my family is already struggling and to steal our only saved up money for a new place is so fucked up. then for it to be on Christmas night? fuck off. i hope the police can check the gas station security cameras. fuck them I hope they die.

Christmas presents

Christmas Eve

ok never again am I dealing with shucking oysters. I'll pay the 33 cents each oyster to have the people at New England Fish Market shuck 'em. I struggled and got most of them by myself, then the last 4 we took a hammer to lmao. you have to like put the utensil in a specific area of the oyster shell to pry it open... but they were sooo good. moreee I need moreee 😭 

tripped on some Waveybars last night. idk what it but when i take shrooms, I get super emotional. we watched Slumberland and I got so emotional. my eyes were leaking so much. BUT we watched Life of Pi after and I sobbed, that movie always gets to me. something about mushrooms get me thinking about how much I love my family, my bf and my pets. I start thinking about how much they mean to me. I'll start thinking about my mom and worrying about her and how she feels. her stress and how much she does for me and my brother and sister. my mom's truly a super good person and cares so much. idk I just worry about her and how she feels... I googled it and psychedelic mushrooms can have that effect on a lot of people. they say not to hold back either and let it out if you feel like crying. if that's where your trip takes you, you cry and let it out they say. probably why I felt so much relief after and slept good. I think I stress myself out so much and hold a lot of that stress in and the shrooms kinda let me release that. idk anyways lol

I got the wrapping all done. we got so many nice presents all under our tree. I'm thinking this will be a very special Christmas for my family and my bf. ♡

christmas party

Christmas party went not bad. a bit of it was kinda vague for me. I didn't remember calling my mom or ranting to my sister about wanting to go home and being super pissed off. but apparently I was texting my sister saying my bf was ignoring me and I hated being there. I was demanding to go home. I remember why that would have been. my bf said he'd be right back and he'd go have a cigarette. so I sat back in a corner waiting for him to come back in... but what felt like 45 mins to an hour he was outside chatting it up. I had anxiety and wasn't full on drunk enough yet to go around the party alone. so it pissed me of he just left me there alone in the corner. so I'm bitched about it to my family over the phone. I got better later in the night cuz... here's me after all that

me and Jeff. 

his wife Christina did end up coming over to me and hanging out with me and I had fun with her.

now by this point I'm wasted which is good cause no anxiety around all the party guests. I think I got so drunk is bc I hardly ate that day. I had a breakfast burrito at like 8 30am and like 2 shrimp at the party. do nothing to really absorb the alcohol. 

today were getting oysters finally. ever since we went to dinner and got them,  I've become obsessed. so we're getting our own instead of a restaurant. we're gonna go look at these christmas lights tonight. I'll take many pics there, its pretty cool. we went a couple years ago. I think the pics are some where around my blog. probably gonna take edible and go look at those lights. it's gonna be cold (for Florida) here tomorrow and for christmas day which is perfect. low 36f/45f and the high's are  

55f/54f 🤌🏻

christmas cookies

we finally made these damn Christmas cookies after putting it off. they look like a bunch of children made them 😭  I tried to make 2 Lassos and a Roadkill. the Roadkill looks like a dog taking a shit and one of the Lassos looks scary. it got to the point where we were sick of decorating and we hurried up and made some ugly ass designs. at least they're colorful?

have a Christmas party to go to tomorrow at Paul's. weird to have it on a work day and not on like Friday or something. so that's gonna be hopefully fun. I think we're also invited to ML's for bonfires Christmas Eve with a couple others. sounds kinda boring no offense but who knows, maybe will be fun. 

vet day

so after anxiety and stress over this vet visit I'm happy to say it's done. we took Bitzy to the vet and she got checked out. apparently they took skin samples and found no evidence of mites. they also said that dogs can't transfer the same mites to guinea pigs. they first weighed her and I warned the nurse that she's hard to handle but the girl did great and got her weighed. so the dry skin on her back is from her being too fat to groom herself. she's over weight a bit weight 2.7 lbs. that's probably because she would eat the majority of the food between the 2. so I am going to be feeding her less amounts. they said she might not lose the weight so if not, I just need to wipe her back for her. so she just has dry skin according to the vet. they found no moving parasites in her samples. they put drops in her ears to clear wax build up and they trimmed her nails really nicely. the vet also explained to me what more than likely happened to Mitzy. she said that mites are every where and always on animals and people. but animals and people generally fight them off naturally. but Mitzy was probably weak. her immune system was probably weak so the mites took over her body. scary shit. we did notice she was sneezing a bit more than usually but I figured it was just dust from hay or something. but she may have had a viral infection and was weakend. so she was unable to fight the mites. at least that's what my understanding is.

she looks so funny here. she doesn't wanna be there lol

Jake went to the vet too and he got all checked up on. he doesn't have mites either. my mom said she had them check 3 times. they said that it was dry skin. so they gave him a shot for his itchiness, some spray to help sooth his skin and they cleaned up his ears. he has 2 teeth that are infected so they gave us antibiotics to treat that. he needs  more fiber in his diet too. so no mites on either of them. I am glad to hear that because what happened to Mitzy was so scary. Jake's vet also said that those mites are not transferable between dogs and others.

were still going to keep an eye on both animals for a bit just to keep making sure everything is good. I might look into getting some coconut oil for my guinea pigs dry skin. guinea pig price was 68.00. Jake's was 212.00. not THAT bad but it's money we don't really have. I'm just glad they're safe and got checked out.

when my bf made the appointment for my guinea pig, they couldn't seem to hear him? he repeated her name Bitzy over and over. I guess they still didn't catch it cuz on the email confirmation for the appointment it said BITEY 😂 the nurse was like "I'm so glad to hear that it was a mistake and her name isn't Bitey" lol she said she wasn't looking forward to examining a biting guinea pig lol. my guinea pigs never really bite. I haven't had them bite me before just maybe a lil when trying to take treats. so I am gonna wait a week or 2 before getting a new guinea pig friend just to make sure Bitzy is all checked out 110%. I'm relieved though. 

Saturday

we went to my fave restaurant around here Crawdaddys. I'm obsessed and love going there. we tried going to happy hour at Conchy Joe's but they had the entire bar area was closed off for private Christmas party. they only do happy hour at the section of the restaurant so we left. so we went to Crawdaddys for appetizer and happy hour. we get mussels at CJ's and they're good, but Crawdaddys beats the hell out of CJ's mussels, they're worth the 8 bucks more. we got some boiled peanuts to go. we went home and we made enchiladas for J's Christmas work party. I'm invited but nah. I don't really wanna sit around the tattoo shop, playing games or whatever they do. if they go out like last year, I'm down. last year my bf picked me up after the shop party and we went out. after going out last night we made some night time snacks. chicken wings 😋

evidence of me anticipating the chicken 

about to create a delicious sauce for the chicken wings. I used the boiled peanut juice they make at Crawdaddys and I added hot sauce, garlic and onion powder 

oh and bonus. I'm excited to make cookies and rice crispy treats tonight

i miss Mitzy

we buried Mitzy :( she's in a place in the yard with Chintzy and my bfs previous pets. it's kinda like the property is a pet cemetery. I'm glad to be burying here because my bf owns the home. so not like we move up places and the animals are left behind. my animals are always here. ugh I feel like crying again. I love my guinea pig and I hope she is in a really happy pig place with lots of cilantro. no offense to my hamsters but these guinea pigs have my heart. they were my everything. it's been tearing me up a lot.

my bf and I watched Lyle Lyle Crocodile because he claimed Lasso wanted to watch it soooo bad. so after months of waiting, we rented it as soon as it came out and honestly, it was a really good movie. it was so cute,  that my bf wants to buy a Lyle Lyle Crocodile plushie for the room. 

so guinea pig situation... we made an appt for the 27th for my other guinea pig to make sure she doesn't have mites or whatever was wrong with my other pig and whats wrong with my dog. my other guinea pig (Bitzy) seems fine I think? idk I see some white flakes on her lower back like I did with Mitzy (kinda concerning) but it could just be dry skin. idk but I'm paranoid and want to be sure she's clear. so that when I bring a new guinea pig home they won't get infested with those creepy mites. but my bf called his old vet and they can get her in Monday at 4pm instead of the 27th with our vet. same time Jake has to go at 4 30pm believe it or not. I'm just so happy Jake is finally about to feel some relief from the mites. also to protect my pig. so after the vet on Monday, were gonna disinfect the room they stay in and the house rugs. then I'll be getting a new piggy friend for Bitzy.

I still need to make my Dr appointment and still buy my bfs gifts and my TX friend something. my father's sending me a Christmas check so I'll probably use that money towards the gifts since I'm extremely low on funds after these vet visits and my soon Dr visit. hopefully we can get approved for that pet care credit card.

ugh I miss Mitzy, but Bitzy seems to be doing okay. she's eating normally, was popcorning and wheeks loud for her treats and food. we keep checking her skin for anything bad. she's just the one that's so difficult to pick up bc she hates it and she squirms around. she's loud too with angry wheeks. drama pig.

last night we went to a Kava bar and tried their drinks there. we got this Kratom drink flavored in strawberry mango. it was good, we drank them fast. it's supposed to give you energy and stuff. I'm not sure if it did anything but I can never tell. the sign in there says their drinks are better than alcohol and I laughed. apparently lots of recovering alcoholics go to kava bars as well as the younger crowds. lots of highschoolers. was kinda filled with a lot of younger people but other than that it's pretty chill in there. tonight we are making Christmas cookies and wrapping presents. 

RIP Mitzy

she died about an hour ago. I woke up to check and was about to have her vet appointment call, but she was shallow breathing. I just had a bad feeling she would die last night but I'm glad I was with her in her last moments. she's also no longer suffering which I'm glad. I have to leave her in the cage for a bit so my other guinea pig can cope and understand because they were bonded and like sisters. it breaks my heart. my other guinea pig slept next to her cuz she knew something was wrong. she is hanging around her a lot trying to understand what's going on it's the saddest thing. 

I can't get her a new sister until I make sure her and Jake are treated. especially Jake cuz he's the one who had them and got them on my guinea pig. so we're making vet appointments for by the weekend to get them fixed up. then cleaning everything. 

this just sucks. it's awful and I feel for my other guinea pig. :( I love you Mitzy ♡

my guinea pig is in seriously bad condition. today I saw her and noticed she wasn't moving much and just looked weird. her fur was all messed up and she looked lethargic. I picked her up and her whole stomach and back legs were covered in rough skin. I can't explain it but it was all over. so I checked her back and head and it's all rough and bumpy. I freaked out and started crying. I did more research on Google and read that Guinea pigs get lice and mites but not fleas. so weird cuz yesterday she seemed fine, weeks ago seemed fine. but maybe I just didn't notice?? 

backing up here; we took my dog Jake to the vet because he'd been scratching so badly he would sometimes bleed and his fur was coming out. the vet says it's just fleas cuz she found one on him. she told us to get a flea collar and wash him 3 x a week. we did all that. 250+ bucks later and he's still miserable, still scratching and biting... still losing hair and is looking sparse. so we were like wtf is going on. we fork over nearly 300 dollars to fix him for them to just say it's fleas. he did have some fleas, but this should not still be going on weeks later. so we were going to schedule him another fucking appt. 

forward again back to today and my guinea pig has THE SAME SYMPTOMS. google is telling me this is a mites situation. apparently the mites got onto my guinea pig and infested her entire body. it is so fucking scary. she's miserable, her skin is covered... entire body... she can't eat or drink water. I tried giving her lettuce, her fave cilantro treats... nothing. she kept going over to her water bottle but would attempt to drink it but not drink and would just wobble back over to her hide out. she's so fucking wobbly. I cried and hyperventilated a bit earlier. I'm distraught because I sat with her for hours and all I'm gathering is she's getting worse. 

I'm going to see about taking her to the vet tomorrow if they can get her in as early as they can. I'm actually going to be taking both guinea pigs in case the other is infected with me just not noticing it yet. since it wasn't noticeable until today. they must spread fast?? mites are so contagious. also getting my dog in there too AGAIN. to ask them wtf... cuz he didn't get better because it wasn't just fleas and it now spread from my dog to my guinea pig. what the fuck. weird tho that Mr Dabs is fine? but see Jake stays mostly in that room with the guinea pigs...

I'm shaking right now I'm so scared. I have a bad, bad, bad feeling she won't make it thru the night til tomorrow. she's so weak and delirious acting. isn't drinking water or eating. I can't do this right now. my guinea pigs are my life. I love them with my whole heart. I worry about them even in my dreams sometimes. I have many guinea pig dreams. I'm so stressed out and scared. I hate leaving her alone but I have to sleep so I can be awake early in the morning. my brother and sister are gonna go with me to the vet appt so I am not alone. idk what to do. I hate her suffering like this. she's just so miserable and fucked up. her entire body is just... it's terrifying. 

I don't have a lot of money either. my bf told me they have these pet care credit cards where we can pay gradually. gonna try and get one of those. otherwise idk yet how ill even pay for this. I'm praying that my pig will make it to the vet I really am. idk what else I can do but cry and periodically check on her. I don't want her feeling so fucking miserable anymore. I want the vet to give her the medicine. please God help.

I also wanna note... like my mom said, this is something out of  a Stephen King novel. get this... my bf had a dog living here that had missing hair and constantly would bite itself from severe itchiness. looked like a zombie dog tbh... she recently died about 3 months ago or whenever I wrote about it. but he tells me it's a genetic thing. UM you're telling me...this dog had sparse hair from constant biting, rough skin and living in misery from constant scratching. we move in with my pets and my dog has the same issues and hasn't gotten better since we've been here 5 months ago. never had this problem til we moved here. now my guinea pig has the same skin condition??!? no I'm not buying it. no. something is wrong here. this house must be infested still with these mites or whatever and has now targeted my pets. I'm upset. I literally ranted about this and he got offended. I'm not trying to offend I'm just telling him this is no coincidence. I just stopped arguing about it being from the dog that lived here bc I know it's from that and the mites were never treated around the home. cuz when they infest you have to kill them all over. disinfect everything. all I could do is buy new blankets for my pigs tonight and throw out the old ones. all I can do until tomorrow... :( :( 

this is truly kill my heart. my pets suffering is an awful feeling...

i hate worrying

so I'm worried about my hair appointment now. there wasn't a consultation option on the new link they use for booking appointments. when my sister went in she told her I wanted to get my hair done soon and the girl said to book a consultation. but there wasn't any options for that, so I just chose the option closest to what I need. they didn't have an option for exactly what I need done because I am even kinda unsure how the process will go. I'm worried that if I get to my appointment she'll say she can't do all of the things I need done cuz she may have more appointments booked after me that day. my hair is going to take a long time. I need to have the pink fully removed for one and then she might possibly dye all of that part to match my roots and then highlight over it. I also have thick hair so if my mom's hair takes 4 hours I can only imagine mine taking up to 6 hours if she's gotta do all that. worried she won't be able to do it before my bday. I can't call cuz I have anxiety about calling for stuff like this. 

second thing I am worried about is I am running out of my medications and I don't know where to go since my doctor is gone now. last time I went to a walk-in clinic and it didn't sound like they wanted me to keep coming there for refills. they told me I need to find a new doctor. but idk any and I need these medicines by next week cuz I am literally almost out. idk how to find doctors. maybe i can go to the location my old doctor worked at and just use a diff doctor there idk. I hope they're even still in business at all. 

third I don't have insurance so it costs me about 90 bucks or more just to be seen for refills every 3 months. I still need to buy Christmas presents for some people so I'm worried I won't be able to in time cuz the dr visit, plus the costs of my medication is going to take up all of the money. just hate worrying about stuff cuz it takes over my mind and causes me to ONLY think about those things and stops me from functioning and doing stuff I should be doing. 

went out to happy hour Sunday evening and got mussels as an appetizer before deciding to go to Mexican restaurant. I ordered a jalapeño margarita. this lady at outside the restaurant told me how beautiful I looked and asked to look at my whole outfit. it was so nice 😊 I did love my outfit. I wanna recreate it next time we go out out. 

today my sister and I got cookie dough, frosting and sprinkles to make Christmas cookies sometime this week. ew when we were at the grocery store this creepy, old man was gawking our way down the isle. then he comes up to us and says to me "I see mini skirts are back in style". my sister said "ew." and I'm like "they've been in style..." then he was about to come down our isle when paying for our stuff... then he drove down our lane as he was leaving just to stare. fucking weird ass fuck. hate men. anyways, when my bf got home from work, sister's bf came over and my family and all of us all went to see the mansion lights. 

it was way bigger and more but this is all I got

I'm super tired right now. I want to sleep soon. I made my hair appointment and of course... of. course. I couldn't get my appointment in until Jan 19th. day AFTER my birthday. I wanted to get it done before but I look at it this way. my birthday falls on a week day and I won't be out partying til the following weekend after my birthday so it'll work out okay and my hair will be done for that. since I won't have time to get my extensions in the mail before then, I'll have to buy them before I get my hair done. I'll get a color the closest shade I think I can match and ask her if she can do her best to match it. 🥴 also I think I might be getting a new phone for my birthday as well. looks like I'll prob be switching to the iPhone 14 pro. I switch back to whatever has the best camera at the time and so far the iPhone beats the new Samsung as of today. 

weekend

Thursday I watched a bunch of gay Christmas movies. like I watched this movie... it's embarrassing ok but idk why I like this movie 😅 called Christmas Town. some low grade, family, romance Christmas movie I guess. then I watched one I grew up watching as a kid and it just came into my head. Its called Christmas Everyday. not Erik Von Detten 😂 but he's in that and I grew up with him being in movies, heart throb magazines and my fave Disney TV show So Weird. so I watched it for nostalgic purposes. took me back to being a kid watching that movie on my mom's room tv. then I watched another corny ass Christmas movie called Northpole. I like that one and I wanted to watch part 2 but it wasn't free or on any of my streaming services. idk why I like that one but maybe cuz I like Bailee Madison. 

Friday we got all our Christmas shopping done. we went to breakfast at Jan's  cuz my bf woke me up way too early and wanted to get breakfast. I got a Neptune omelet with fruit on the side. the omelet has scallops, crab meat, tiny shrimps and some sauce on it. it's pretty good but they give you so much food there I only ate half. we went to the mall and stopped at the new, fancy looking restaurant they have there now. we sat inside and ordered a beer before Christmas shopping to experience the new place. I got my sister's presents there at the mall then we went to Hobby Lobby to get crafts. I got stuff to make those earrings I made years ago. they're hearts with jewels on them. so Friday night we tripped and we watched Christmas movies and crafted. I had him drill tiny holes in the hearts for me so
I could loop the chain parts on it. I painted pink, black, purple, red, blue and white. I ran out of jewels tho so we had to go back out today to get more. we watched Slumber Land on netflix. as I'm watching it I'm thinking, why does the premise sound so familiar... then when they said 2 characters names I'm like oh it's Little Nemo: Adventures In Slumberland. I use to watch that movie all the time as a kid. it wasn't exactly the same story line but it was pretty good and trippy which is why we put it on to begin with. then we watched Bullet Train again cuz that's trippy as well. they filmed that movie to look so cool. we landed on Suicide Squad and eventually The Wave cuz it's our fave movie. lots of movies, lots of crafts.

I never fell asleep so I was awake all day and night but got up and we went to get my jewels from the craft store and we got a bunch of food to BBq. we have these bonding experiences where we decide on what food to make and what sides. so we got ribs, collard greens, baked beans, coleslaw and baked potatoes. we seasons the ribs and potatoes and i also made deviled eggs for snack. after that I planned to just take a nap so we could go to the mansion to look at the lights but I was way too tired. he ate with my family and they watched Wednesday. I was in the bedroom sleeping so hard 😓 I wanted to be awake but I stayed up all day Friday and night then didn't sleep til like 4pm. so he woke me up and said he's going to friends house to play music since he was bored cuz I kept sleeping. when he got back I woke up to eat the food we made. now probably going back to bed.

I still gotta buy my friend a gift to exchange with her as we do every year for like a decade. believe it or not I met her on Stickam when that was a thing. we've been exchanging Christmas presents since lol. I also gotta order my bfs presents too. but we got our families stuff done. tomorrow I think we're looking at the lights after my bf gets off of work. we might go see Violent Night since we didn't get to Saturday night on account of me sleeping the evening away. Monday me and my sister I think are making Christmas cookies. ⛄️

just finished decorating the Christmas tree. we didn't last night cuz I was so fuckin' tired and sick. finally, finally, FINALLY slept all night. took a small nap on evening too to catch up on so much missed sleep. hopefully it won't mess up my sleep cycle again. n*ewayz, the tree looks nice. we struggled putting the lights on I hope it doesn't look jumbled up.

Mr Dabs took over the tree. he loves it under there.

sleep deprivation continues... kinda

so I ended up falling asleep at like 6am or 6 30am... my bf woke me up at 9am😭 so I slept like 3 hours... got up after much procrastination and laying around and got ready to take us to the Punk Rock Flea Market.

I look pretty good for not much sleep in days I'd say

so I drove us up there, tha k God for Adderall cuz I wouldn't have been much of a safe driver with that lack of sleep. we got there and I had only 2 beers cuz I had to drive back, walked around and saw a Harley at one of the tents and bought her for 30. 

saw some friends through out our time there, talked to one of my friends Mel I haven't seen in a while. I got whiney and was ready to leave by the end of it cuz I was getting ATTACKED by mosquitoes. but my bf wanted to watch the last band play and I'm like.... I gotta go... I'll sit in the car and wait if I have to. I got like 5 bites on me, which is standard cuz I always get bit up. we left and then went to grab food from the store. I sat in the car while my bf went in cuz I didn't wanna be all dressed up in the store for some reason. 

by this point I'm getting tired and needing to keep moving otherwise I'd pass out. but my sister and her friends were suppose to meet us at the bar so I just waited around, walked around, talked to my mom and her to keep myself awake. I was so fucking tired but I wanted to go out cuz I was all dressed up. so I forced it. finally my brother dropped all 3 of us off at the Goose. my sister's friends showed up and she hung around them for a good portion of the beginning while my bf and I did our own thing. it's funny cuz my bf and I had a debate on what the girl that works at the bars  name is. he kept insisting it was one name and I kept saying it's not, he's just mixing her name up with another girl that use to work there. so we made a bet that if I was right he has to buy me a green tea shot. I called Markbob over and asked what her name is and BOOM I was right. green tea shot for me :D  our friend Tom came over to us and was nice to see him. we went over to the dart board where he and some other people I haven't seen it a long while were. we chilled over by them. then I started hanging out with my sister and her friends in the bathroom. we chatted a lot, they're super nice girls. but one of her friends disappeared and I totally forgot about her... then when it hit me, I'm like "where's your other friend?" she was throwing up in the bathroom the entire time, poor thing. so my sister tended to her and I kept keeping tabs on my sister. I don't like creeps bothering her. we Ubered back and I wasn't fond of letting my sister stay there alone (over protective I guess) ended up having my mom drive us over to pick her up pretty much when I got home. so we went back out and did that.... finally I'm home to sleep right? kinda. I barely sleep again. I woke up at like 6am.... I need to spend today sleeping. I'm also sick with a cold so I'm feeling pretty shitty today. 

after my bf gets home from work, we're going to decorate our Christmas tree. I love Christmas time 😭 

help

ok I can hardly see my eyes are so blurry. I haven't slept in so long... I was trying to fix my sleeping schedule by staying awake all day, yet here I am at 5am still awake and 1 klonopin later... I'm in tears because I really wanted to go to this Punk Rock flea market but I am worried I won't be able to go because of severe lack of sleep and by time it's time to go ill pass out. I'm suppose to drive us up there too, so my bf is relying on me for a ride to go so he can drink and mingle.

--so Thursday night I went to bed at like 12am and woke up at 3 30am.
--I stayed awake all day Friday until 2pm when we both took a 2 hour nap. he woke me up to go pick out the Christmas tree. I was so fucking tired, moody, mean, out of it. but once I got a coffee and we got our Christmas tree I had a second wind and was happy, albeit a little manic. so I get tired as hell by dinner time and we go to bed at 12am... I'm laying in bed, not sleeping, just my eyes closed with a billion different thoughts racing in my head.
--1 30am rolls around and I'm still awake so I take half a klonopin... nothing. I tried watching peaceful snow videos, listening to rain sounds... nothing. I canNOT sleep.
--4am comes upon me and I take the other half of the klonopin... it's 5 15am and I am in tears cuz I'm worried about  not  being able to go to the PRFM. I planned to stay awake all day to fix my sleeping schedule and have an outfit planned. I even volunteered to drive us up there and told him not to ask his friends for a ride "nah I can drive us" I say....... I'm having anxiety over this cuz I know hell wanna leave at 12 or 1... I'll probably by then be passed out cold and not be able to function.

speaking of cold I also spent all night sneezing and barely being able to move my head cuz of neck pain due to swollen throat. we all got colds here. my bf, my sister and even Mr Dabs is sneezing a lot.

I hate that and most of all I hate not being able to sleep. haven't slept in... idk but I've only had like 5 hours if sleep since Thursday night and it's Saturday morning now. fml 4 real. :*( as of right now, I feel like I could get up and go do stuff, but that's probably false and I'm actually sleep deprived and not realizing it. another bad thing about me missing sleep is it kicks in manic episodes. I need to be cautious.