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October 23, 2022

1st night out

hmm we went out tonight for the first time since the incident. we were both nervous... his for his reasons and mine cuz I've been depressed and not social in a month or so. when I'm inside and hardly socializing like I use to I become an agoraphobe. it was getting bad cuz when we'd go to the grocery store I'd feel like having a panic a lot of the times that I did my best to hide and control. so I had a racing heart thinking about going out in front of so many people and loud music... after we drove to see the spider house and pick up Phatz chicken we decided to get dropped off at the bar. after we were there and got a drink in us we were solid.

some old timer came up to me at the bar and said "you remind me of Harley Quinn (get that often when I wear any kind of pigtails. half or full) and said I look like I could kill people with a baseball bat. I laughed and said "hell yea, i could" and he thought that was funny. then said I was beautiful and I need to get into a freezer to preserve my youth?????? he came back to me again and said I look like I could kill some people and I said nah, I'm good for now and he laughed hysterically. hmm interesting thought process going on there in father times mind. we got a Lyft back home and ate left over chicken wings and bout to wind down. 

I think Friday or Saturday we're gonna go out with Paige (yay) I haven't seen her in a month... for Halloween shit. I got my clown costume but I'm still needing the petticoat to go under the dress. I have 2 eye looks I'm thinking about doing. so yea

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