bf bday

Friday night I gave my bf his gifts early so we could use them. I got him new sheets for the bed in orange to match his amps. I also got him this weed rolling tray that lights of and has a Bluetooth speaker on it that plays music and flashes to the beat. it's pretty awesome looking and fun. we tripped that night so I figured using the tray would look tippy while rolling joints. we laughed so hard. I also laughed so hard I'd sob afterwards. I think I have had so much stress built up over the past couple months that I hid it most of the time. it built up so much so finally I had to cry. my bf said some really meaningful, touching things that truly made me cry. he was telling me how much my family means to him. he considered all of them family and he'd so anything for us. he's glad we're all safe here with him. he told me how much he loves me and it really got me. I cried more. but we watched Series Of Unfortunate Events, laughed a ton, had heart to hearts and it felt good to have a night of fun. next day it was like a reset button. felt good. we stayed in bed til it was time to go see Pearl.

Saturday went to dinner at Fujiyama for my bfs bday and had a bunch of friends come too. we got the same guy to do the cooking show we had 2 other times and he's the best one. while he cooks he makes funny sounds like "ohhyeaa", "meowww" just random funny sounds and "roooowwwrrr" and he'd follow it up with a funny laugh. we did Sake Bombs, Japanese beers and more Sake shots. I ordered shrimp and scallops hibachi. we did the thing where he tosses the food and you have to catch it with your mouth. I didn't want to cuz embarrassing lol but I forced myself to participate and not care. I missed. but my friends son caught it and so did my friend Paul.

after we went to Boardwalk (not the biggest fan of that bar tbh) but all our friends met up there and some fight was going on and some girl was being dragged out and my friend was like we gotta go cops will show up here any minute. none of us wanted to deal with that so we left. went back to Paul's and it was just him, me Paige and my bf and we partied it up and  went in the pool in the rain. I had a heart to heart with Paige and told her one of the biggest traumas ive gone thru in life. i talked to her about it, let it out. and she told me i can always talk to her no matter what. ugh i love her, shes such a good person. we didn't get home til 7am. we Ubered back and the Uber driver was super nice and we were telling her how it was a birthday party and we were out all night. I was so tired at that point and was ready for bed. I hope Paul gave her 5 stars. he booked our uber. if we did she would have gotten 5 stars from us and a nice review.

just out of the pool and ready to go home and sleep

just got back from late breakfast/lunch. today's my bfs actual bday. drove him to the Dmv and I'm waiting in the car right now. gonna get Dunkin after. I'm super tired feeling and out of it. prob from the weekend and yesterday we laid in bed all day recovering. but I am gonna get an espresso shot and a coffee. so this hurricane is hitting Florida but more toward the West coast.  I have some old friends that live out there so I hope safety for them. we're gonna get lots of rain but won't get the full hurricane effect. 

Pearl

finally got to see Pearl. she smiled like this through out the end credits, with no stop/edit. mia goth is a great actress wow.♡ love her. I did laugh a bit at her screaming at people bc it reminds me of when I am manic fighting. it's really not funny but I laughed anyway bc my bf would turn and look at me each scene of her screaming. 

I also watched Dahmer on Netflix. Evan Peter's? I'm watching... but I never cared to hear anymore about Jeffery Dahmer... cuz fuck him. but the series was very well acted by everyone. Evan Peter's accent was on point and he made me forget he was Evan Peter's at times and just felt creeped out. while I knew the real story and about the kid who escaped and the police brought him back to JD's apartment, I just felt super uncomfortable. when I really think about how someone can think about doing those things to people is very uncomfortable. it's just awful and I feel bad for the families, man. I can't imagine finding out what was done to your son by another person. I also felt bad for JDs dad. at least in the series, idk about the dad in real life. but fuck peoples minds can be so scary. just awful stuff. then I think about why Evan Peter's would want to play this person. I remember he had to take a break from American Horror Story cuz the characters he was playing took toll on his mental state. so if he took a hiatus from these fictional crazy characters he played in AHS... him playing someone like Dahmer... that's super, super dark stuff were talkin about. real life stuff. wonder how he handled that.

being black out drunk is one of the scariest things that can ever happen to anyone. I know from first hand I have been black out drunk a couple of rare times. not often but I have had that happen and it's like you're on autopilot. I was watching this interrogation video off of Red Tree Crime's youtube channel where this cop beat his cop partner to death after a night out drinking and had no recollection of doing so. I read a comment, actually all of the comments were expressing how they've been black out drunk and it scared them into quitting alcohol all together. but this one comment explained it so well she said what is infront of you, you don't see that. cuz your mind is somewhere else. so your minds elsewhere while your body is in the present on autopilot. people in the comments were saying they would wake up from the night before and be frightened they'd done something wrong. one person said they woke up in jail, covered in blood thinking they had done something but had no memory of what happened. it turned out it was just that he drunkenly fell and hurt himself. I've done things while black out drunk that I don't remember doing either. I've been so gone that I don't remember leaving and going off to do other stuff which is so scary. I was around safety but if I hadn't been... I could see something bad happening to me. it  could be anything from being taken advantage of, kidnapped, fallen and never wake up... anything. but I wonder this... the people who hurt others while black out drunk, are they just like that internally? are they so angry that when black out drunk they are in that mindset where they're acting out what they think about all the time? or does the alcohol completely change their brain? I know I've been black out drunk but never wanted to kill someone. only things I've been black out drunk and done bad stuff on the internet where I'd been banned off platforms but had no recollection of it or why so when asking why I've been banned they show me evidence and I am like no shit? damn. that's on the lighter end of my black outs. other more severe black outs are me physically out and about, walking around and doing things which can lead to injury. luckily I'm always with my boyfriend or friends that wouldn't let anything happen to me but if I were alone, it'd be so dangerous because people are weirdos. anyways just my thoughts coming to post.

weird day

very weird day. my bfs moms dog died today. she was 12 years old and I guess just died? I'm not sure exactly what happened but my bf had to go and bury her dog for her. felt so bad so we got her a card and some flowers. it always sucks to lose a pet. I hate it so much. we're literally counting down the days Shrimpsy passes away cuz she is SO old and frail. it's hard and I feel bad for his mom.

on our way out there was crazy traffic backed up. like all of Jensen Beach was backed up on every road. I ended up turning around in one lane and went toward the next town cuz it was insane. people were driving crazy and like speeding around other cars. we had no idea why this was happening and why people were acting like they were fleeing that direction. it was like something out of a Sci fi movie as if aliens landed and everyone was turning around and fleeing erratically. but it was some gas leak where a worker hit something and gas was leaking idk.

then we go off and do some errands and decide to get Chipotle and we waited for out food to find out we were at the wrong Chipotle location. but it's confusing cuz the location said it was in the same town as I set to pick it up but it was in our town. for some reason it says Stuart in both locations so it tricked me. so we get the food and go home finally. lots of running around today, lots of sadness and traffic.

as I was leaving Chipotle location #1  I walked by this ice cream place and I saw they have a Kirby themed ice cream. so tomorrow we're going after my bf gets off work.

we spent 300.00 on stupid renting applications only to find out they don't allow pets... I'm getting to the point where I give up. still no home for my family and pets. I don't get why places even say no pets allowed when literally everyone on the planet practically has a damn pet. it's stupid and annoying. so that lady prob won't call back and if she does she'll say sorry no pets at all.  just wondering when things will work out in the home department. feels like nothing is working out still.

we just got back from seeing Barbarian. what a weird ass movie but I loved it! for one, I love Justin Long as we all know and 2 I love Bill Skarsgard. I laughed a lot during it cuz it was ridiculous douchey Justin Longs character was. 😹  my bf said it left him feeling weird after 😹

next I wanna see Pearl. I'm like SO excited to see that next. I love Mia Goth and I love her character in the movie X. ugh I can't wait 

life

season 5 of The Handmaid's Tale started and I watched the first 2 episodes that came out so far. fuck, this show really gets to me. I feel like I'm watery eyed every 10 mins, tears down my face every 30 mins and sobbing every other episode. it's such a good show but very, very hard to watch cuz it's super fucked up stuff and it breaks me. also makes you hate men even more 😅

nothing going on except dealing with personal life shit and will be for some time. we sent in 1 application already to the lady for the house and need 2 more done for 2 more adults. so it's 75.00 each application for 3 people. I'm not included cuz I won't be living there. I may set up a room for myself since it's a 4 bedroom, but I'm going to be living with my boyfriend. expensive shit just to possibly be told no. scam.  it's always about money 🙄  but maybe she will be compassionate and say okay on the place. if not, she said she has 74 other properties. that's insane to me. so I'm hoping she'll hook my family up with something! wish I was well off cuz it would help a lot of the things going on in my life right now.

my bfs birthday is coming up and I ordered his birthday gifts last night. he doesn't want a cake, so I'll just get him some cupcakes or something to at least put candles in.

Halloween coming and I wanted to be an angel but there isn't anything cute as far as that goes that I want, so I'm still debating. I haven't bleached my roots in months and I hate it but still trying to go strong and not so that I can grow my hair out. I wanna get highlights instead of straight bleaching. I wanna be blonde still, but more of a natural blonde. better for the hair for sure. just hoping I don't cave in and bleach it. 

it's out!

the video by Bizarre Bazaar is out! so glad to have been able to contribute in the making of this video! I am reading the comments and they are in shock that a teacher would bring these paper to my bfs class and take the class to the jail to talk to the killer. this is exactly what I said to my bf... how the fuck did your teacher get away with taking your class to jail and passing around serial killer documents. he just told me that the 90s were a different time and that this teacher was crazy. she would even bring a gun to school, when obvously that wasn't allowed. but aside from her screaming at the class and then locking the class down threatening the student with suspension who stole the papers, he said she was a pretty awesome teacher cuz she was crazy lol.

:(

went to see The Black Phone on Friday. I've seen that movie several times now in the last month. its a really good one honestly so I haven't gotten tired of seeing it.

work sucked on Saturday. after we set everything up, we left for a couple of hours and when we got back it was pouring rain. to top that off our tent was in a flood zone. so we had to move our tent/table/merch forward. after a little bit we decided fuck this. someone came over and told us the rain isn't looking any better, so we quickly packed everything up before more rain came and we left.

sigh so we went out and met Paige at the bar. everything went good until it didn't. something shitty happened that I don't wanna blog about because it's not my place to write about. but ugh. shitty shit happened as we were leaving. :(
gonna be dealing with that for a while.  but you live and you learn.

hoping to get this 4 bedroom place for my family. the lady said to call her today. she reached out and asked us to call her. she showed us 2 houses and the 4 bedroom one in particular is available now where as the first one she showed us is pending cuz someone else sent in their application first. just under 2500 a month but it's a big house. I can't wait for my family to move into a place. I know it sucks for them  being stuck here. especially for my cats. they're not doing well couped up like this... especially together. they fight constantly my brother said. I just hope this lady can get us something. 🙏 all my stuff is in the storage too so I'm like missing my things and clothes :(

here's a pic I took, wrecked off my ass and RIGHT before the bad thing happened like minutes

yt

so this is pretty rad. the youtuber I have been on contact with for a couple of weeks is going to make a youtube video about the serial killer papers my bf has and he's even going to including the backstory of how my bf got the papers and actually met the serial killer in jail. we were emailing/DMing about the meaning behind the papers and what our thoughts were. I told him I think it's a great idea to make the video because it gives viewers a chance to speculate too in the comments. so my bf and I went to FedEx and scanned these papers he's held onto for 28 years. it's gonna be really interesting to see this video and viewers input :)

I have to work Saturday dammit. I really didn't wanna do this gig cuz it's too fucking hot outside. 91f is the high today (feels like 101f).

I have been feeling better physically after being on my medication again and eating right. I've been really good about eating low carb meals and sticking to my pcos diet. as good as foods are like pastas and stuff it just isn't worth it anymore to feel so badly after. I did however have to take my meds 1x each a day instead of 3 off the bat cuz it made me so sick. I need to ease myself back on these things. so 1x each a day for a few days now yesterday I bumped it up to 2x a day. then next week I'll be on it 3x a day like I'm prescribed.

last weekend I saw Paige at the bar and she told me she was drinking diet coke and Jameson instead of ginger cuz she too is on a low carb diet. I actually went to the bar on a work day last night.  well technically it was a Holiday but my bf still had to work. we went out for a couple though last night and as I was walking into the bathroom I heard someone shouting "no" over and over and a fight or something was breaking loose and I didn't even go look. like... people love to get up and go look but I can't be bothered. (insert pick me girl.) I wanna go out for taco Tuesday tonight and see our friend play live music. I have to go do a house tour today. haven't had any luck still. it's getting bad cuz our cats have to stay in the lil trailer my bf has outside the house where my bro is staying. they are acting out, fighting and tearing things down. we gotta find a fucking house :(

also domain name has been renewed ,:D! 

Saturday

Saturday was a night out. I've been drinking those blah Vodka Sodas with lime drinks at bars now.