whats on my mind rn

today was very weird. something felt off and off with everyone else too. I have been super depressed and anxious in public settings and I think it's making my bf depressed too. kinda like when one person is in a bad mood in a room full of people and the people start feeling bad moods too. I feel bad but I'm just dealing with medical problems and life shit and there's really only so much someone can take before they break down. we're all just highly stressed and irritable. my mom's car needs 2 new tires, they're flat. my bf and my sister's bf were filling the tires up with an air pump and my sister's bf patched the hole where a nail punctured it. hopefully it'll make it a couple days for my sister to use the car for work. still need to buy 2 new tires tho, sigh.

my bf and I figured we should have a BBQ for my family since they've basically been living here for a month (no house luck yet) on  Friday night and then
I'm going to just go to a walk-in clinic to get my medications filled this Saturday, finally. we also are going to look at a couple house tours. it's just basically a waiting game til someone says "bad credit? no problem." but everyone wants a good credit score. a few years ago and this wouldn't be such a problem.

I just want a house, mostly for my family, cuz I have a place here. even tho I rather live with my family. more comfortable and free to roam the place with no anxieties of other people but them. like when someone is in the kitchen here, I wait til they go away to go in the kitchen. if my family doesn't get a 4 bedroom place, even a 3 I can't live there cuz no room and I'd just let my sister and her bf take a room there obviously. how anyone affords to live these days with prices of everything going up is beyond me. you all are some lucky people or have better work than me (which most people prob do).  I miss playing Overwatch on my computer and having my own section to edit code, blog and watch youtube all at once. I miss a lot about my past a few months ago. 😪

but once my family moves into a place I'll be taking over that small side room here for my own computer, decor and things. i plan to make it pretty chill and ~kawaii~ I'm gonna get an online job I think along with working gigs for the tattoo shop my bf manages. which reminds me, I think we might be working the September gig which I almost wanna tell him to back out of but I need the $$. it's literally from 1pm to 11pm in the brutal heat!! I'm debating but I better debate fast.