backstory: he'd invite me and put me on the guest lists for their Dance Gavin Dance shows and even with VIP tickets. I use to think that was so rad that he would even remember to add me to their guest list... but he did everytime I was able to go and would invite me to meet him up at a bar or somewhere after a show to grab a drink or hang out. we talked for a couple years thru texts and DMs. we flirted. we briefly talked about anxiety... I think I texted him once when I was having an anxiety attack lol. the last time I saw him I was texting him trying to figure out where to meet him... I was like "do I see you?"... and then i saw him and as i walked up he picked me up and made out with me for a moment. I was kinda surprised by it but i didnt complain obviously. he told me he was looking for me in the crowd. he said he was looking for blonde hair lol. this was right after I burned it all off with bleach. like right after lol. I remember during that show I texted his phone saying where I was in the crowd and I could see the phone light up from where I was standing lol. after all that I sent him a *picture* during a manic epsiode and he was like... "I don't feel right accepting this unless i am dating the person." I was super humiliated after I got that response. but i was manic at the time and didnt care... he followed up by saying "you don't have to send that stuff i already like you". embarrassed I was. I noticed that after I had gotten a bf and was posting pics of my bf, Tim and i drifted in talking. my point is, I don't know him on a deep level. but I knew him. I still have his texts. I even have DMs still I never deleted. makes me sad man. I just don't wanna act like I was his bff... I wasn't. but I was a friend and he did have a part in my life so with all that it does bother me.
I felt weird even talking about it cuz... it's like when my long time friend died. people that knew him like a little or even worked with him were like posting things in socials and crying I was just thinking "wtf you don't know him!" " i knew him since I was 15"... i disregarded those who felt they knew him enough to be hurt by his death. when I have no right to judge their feelings. hard to explain... but I felt that way. so for Tim, I felt wrong for being sad by his death when I wasn't crazy close to him. but I am sad because I did have moments with him. idk maybe I just overthink. but I am sad by it, he was a good person a nice person and while I don't know how he died or what happened... I am glad to have had the chance to be friends.
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