photo dump

things I hate in Pubg mobile

-when your team drops off at the most popular location. so you just get killed right away instead of going some where less populated so you can grab your weapons, not get killed and last longer in the match. I just don't follow the team, I meet up with them later on... if they're still alive.

-when your team mate(s) drive right by you and don't offer you a lift so you can all ride together.

-or when your team pushes the fucking vehicle horn constantly to get you to get in the vehicle. it not only alerts all of the opponents but i fucking see you, it isn't necessary.

-when your team drives you to where all of the shots are going off. so you basically just drive right into a danger zone. idiotic.

-when an opponent knocks you out and instead of killing you right away so I can move on and play a different match they watch you die by kneeling in front of you... or they change melee weapons and just hit you til you die. psychopath thought process man. like instead of Killing me off they rather just hit me a lot which takes longer. creepy tbh.

-when a loot box lands on top of a building and you can't get on top to get anything out of it.

-when opponents cheat by using 2 or more people in solo mode. it's bullshit and they  should be banned.

-when you get shot at by multiple opponents. like calm down. trigger happy fucks.

-when your team keeps pressing the auto voice lines telling me "let's go". stfu.

-when people hop around. idk why but that annoys me.

I'm sure there's more and I'm just in a bad mood. I stopped playing cuz I'm irritated by the game right now. I'm also a sore loser and get super angry at the game and slam my phone and call them horrible names or words. it's just a stupid mobile game but it's the only game I am good at lol.

busy ass weekend in the sun

Thursday night I was drunk. I was crying over Tim when my shuffle came to one of DGDs pretty songs. ugh. I was tweeting and then I realized how cringey I was being and posting our last conversation I'm like ok I sound like a weirdo. so I deleted them all. my bf passed out early so I just made snacks and drank more lol by myself which was probably poor decision making lol

Friday we finally went on the boat... everytime we wanted to go with my friends we could never get the chance due to something coming up or we had priors. I was hungover that day so I felt shitty at first. but once we were on the boat I was cured. I sat in the front where it's bumpy, windy and crazy cuz it reminded me of  childhood. I grew up boating with my family cuz my grandma owned a boat and where she used to live, then my family eventually lived and we had a dock. I use to go clamming when I was a kid and we'd bring them home and steam them. so anyways, we stopped by a couple tiny islands which for me is crazy cuz I'm  not much of a nature kind of gal as an adult. hate bugs and touching things in the sand that might hurt me. but I did it. I went in the water and all. so props to me. 😂 we docked the boat in downtown to grab a snack. unfortunately my bf had practice so we had to be back at a certain time. when we got back I passed the fuck out. and slept for like 2 hours maybe. of course i couldn't fall asleep again so I never slept...

Megs made me climb this tree for a pic lol I was scared but I live to tell. I think I was in the midst of complaining too while this was taken 😅 

me in the process of becoming the burnt tomato I am today.

                       and we saw a fuckin shark

Saturday comes in and I haven't slept which is shitty cuz I had to work the tent with my bf. why did I have to ever say anything. I told him how I miss working tents with him for the old tattoo shop owners. so looks like we're back to it. I was so cranky, sunburnt and tired. I had anxiety too like I didn't wanna talk to anyone at all. I just sat there with my sunglasses on. it wasn't a good place to be really either cuz it was at this reggae fest... on the beach. on a windy day. if it weren't so windy it wouldn't have been as annoying. putting the tent up was a hassle. we had to tape down everything. 😩 by this point I was like if the tent blows away, im out. I'm done lol. so we stopped by Taco Dive  then went back to the tent. I barely helped at all my bf did it all  I use to help with the raffle tickets and the shirts but nah I was not feeling that lol. when we finally got home I passed out for a couple hours again and woke up. fell back asleep at like 4am and woke up this afternoon. I really needed that sleep.

this silly dog came over and laid by me and so did the second one lol. i posted the video of both of then on Twitter.

we grabbed rum runners before heading home

you can see my burns! 😭

my sister is grabbing me some T18 toner since my roots are so brassy. but now that my scalp is burnt I gotta give it a week before I can put chemicals on it. 

picture dump to explain my weekend

RIP Tim

gotta get these feelings out so I can sleep. I wasn't best friends with Tim but we were still friends. his death is bothering me. I don't know why it's bothering me to this extent but it is. 

backstory: he'd invite me and put me on the guest lists for their Dance Gavin Dance shows and even with VIP tickets. I use to think that was so rad that he would even remember to add me to their guest list... but he did everytime I was able to go and would invite me to meet him up at a bar or somewhere after a show to grab a drink or hang out. we talked for a couple years thru texts and DMs. we flirted. we briefly talked about anxiety... I think I texted him once when I was having an anxiety attack lol. the last time I saw him I was texting him trying to figure out where to meet him... I was like "do I see you?"... and then i saw him and as i walked up he picked me up and made out with me for a moment. I was kinda surprised by it but i didnt complain obviously. he told me he was looking for me in the crowd. he said he was looking for blonde hair lol. this was right after I burned it all off with bleach. like right after lol. I remember during that show I texted his phone saying where I was in the crowd and I could see the phone light up from where I was standing lol.  after all that I sent him a *picture* during a manic epsiode and he was like... "I don't feel right accepting this unless i am dating the person." I was super humiliated after I got that response.  but i was manic at the time and didnt care... he followed up by saying "you don't have to send that stuff i already like you". embarrassed  I  was. I noticed that after I had gotten a bf and was posting pics of my bf, Tim and i drifted in talking. my point is, I don't know him on a deep level. but I knew him. I still have his texts. I even have DMs still I never deleted. makes me sad man. I just don't wanna act like I was his bff... I wasn't. but I was a friend and he did have a part in my life so with all that it does bother me.

I felt weird even talking  about it cuz... it's like when my long time friend died. people that knew him like a little or even worked with him were like posting things in socials and crying I was just thinking "wtf you don't know him!" " i knew him since I was 15"... i disregarded those who felt they knew him enough to be hurt by his death. when I have no right to judge their feelings. hard to explain... but I felt that way. so for Tim, I felt wrong for being sad by his death when I wasn't crazy close to him. but I am sad because I did have moments with him. idk maybe I just overthink. but I am sad by it, he was a good person  a nice person and while I don't know how he died or what happened... I am glad to have had the chance to be friends. 

I'm a bit in shock right now. Tim, from Dance Gavin Dance passed away. he and I were friends a few years back and he'd always put me on the vip guest lists. we use to text and try and meet up at shows when he was down here. and I still have his texts some where down the lists of text in my phone. I remember the last time I saw him a few years ago he hugged me, picked me up and kissed me. that was the time last I saw him though... that breaks my heart, man. RIP Tim. I am so sorry for his family. 

3 years ♡

Friday: we went to have lunch at the mexican restaurant. i got a margarita to start my day drinking before my appointment to relax my anxiety. we went to a couple of stores to find me a dinner dress for our anniversary but i didnt like anything on me. i did find one at Platos Closet but it had a stain on it that i felt like probably wouldnt come out and wasnt worth even trying to lower the price on. so i said whatever and just wore what i had on... then my boyfriend took me to see his friend Sal at his salon to fix my hair. the way he cuts hair is so funny. he gets super into it and like bends down and flicks the hair up and cuts it very animated like. so I now have evened out hair. my pigtails thank him for that and I thank my boyfriend for setting uo my appt, taking and paying for it. after that we went to this Thai restaurant I've seen since I was younger. this place has been there forever and I've never been until Friday. I'd rate it a 7/10. nothing beats the Basil Garden. then we grabbed a bottle of Jameson to do pickle backs. I love Jameson. so easy for me to do shots of.

Saturday: the day of our 3 year anniversary!! we went to happy hour at Conchy Joe's again and I got mussels and had like 4 drinks. afterwards we headed to Red Crab. that place is really good and fun. it's super messy. we ordered the big bag of seafood boil with snow crab, shrimp. it was really fun eating it cuz it was super messy and different.

afterwards we went to the bar cuz our friend that works there said he'd buy us some drinks for our anniversary which I thought was nice. we then asked Paige to come down. we had a lot of fun i was so wasted lmao. we were gonna go get McDonald's after but I apparently had passed out in the car at the drive thru. I don't remember walking into the house or anything. but I woke up that morning with my dress and makeup still on. I was so hungover I slept at my bfs til noon then just laid in bed watching youtube. I've been really into abandoned virtual worlds. I watched Nexpos video on this old virtual world game that has a couple people that still go in it. something about that is eerie. idk why. but a once poppin' virtual world with lots of players now with only a few users. there was one game he covered that has just 1 user in there. like no one else is in the game anymore just this one particular person. that so creepy and weird. so yea I've been watching obscure PC game plays and internet mysteries.

fucked up my hair by cutting it myself in a fit of anger that my hair is still thinnish and crooked. so while it was up in pigtails I chopped one side off to even out the other pigtail. so when I took my hair down it was all short on the sides then a blunt drop to the longer pieces. my bf felt bad and booked me a hair appointment with his friend who does hair. I've met him once before. so Friday he's gonna fix it. I guess according to others they say it looks like it's fixable. I'll probably have to get it cut like in a V instead of straight across. I'm just sad I messed with it. also gonna ask what I can get to put in my hair cuz it's been so damaged feeling. idk why all the sudden. the top area is soft but the rest down isn't. it's not cuz of bleaching since I only put that on the roots. so idk why it's been this way. I haven't had my hair professionally cut in years. since I melted all of my long hair off... never been after that. so it's probably time to go anyway

after that my bf is taking me to get a dress since we're going to have our 3 year anniversary dinner. we're going to a place that do seafood boils. I've been waiting to go there for a while now.

this last weekend we go our tattoos. I got my raygun tattooed and after that since my friend never takes the money when she tattoos us I suggested what if we buy her dinner and drinks. so we went to crawdaddys which I love it there. I went off my diet to get the goods. after my bf had to go to practice so I stayed back with my friend. we went to the bar we always go to and had some drinks and a shot before they started up the DJ. hate the DJ cuz it's so loud and you can't even talk to each other. we managed to get a few emo songs out on the music box before he started up.

on Saturday my bf and I went to noodle world to grab dinner and I went off my diet again. it's hard on weekends to eat low carb so I tend to go off the diet aka cheat days the. theb it poured rain when we went to the ice cream shop. i hate rain when im out. but yesterday and today I'm back on it. it's been like 3 weeks I think. then we got a bottle of Jameson and watched movies.