no fair :(

well we tried to go to the fair. I got all ready and bought a new dress and everything. but on the way there I started to feel iffy. like I really wasn't sure if I was gonna be sick, if I was gonna cry, if I needed to eat something. I didn't know what to think. so I tried to ignore it and tell myself it was all in my head. nope. when we were in the line for parking I'm like this isn't a good idea and I was right. I told my bf to turn around and go home. unfortunately the fair we were going to was like a 45 minute drive out. I felt bad but there was no way I could be around all of the crowds, walk around or have any fun. so on the way back I was panicking. I had a horrible panic attack. Thank God I didn't ignore my feeling and just went. I'd have died before we even got our tickets. I hate panic attacks they feel like you are dying. 

 I think this panic attack occurred cuz Wednesday night i didn't get good sleep. then Thursday night I really didn't get good sleep, if any at all. and I got up that day and got coffee + an espresso shot to wake me up for Saturday. I was okay yet tired but once I took that 5 hour energy I was done. I couldn't handle going out into huge crowds let alone be in the car. I think the combo of caffeine and no sleep caused a panic in me. sucks so much cuz I wanted to go to the fair so bad. our original plan was the take a tab each and go to the fair. Thank God we didn't that would have been a whole new type of panic mode. instead my bf took care of me and let me order whatever I wanted from one of my fave Italian delivery places. we ordered that and watched guardians of the galaxy 2. I took a klonopin to calm me down. believe it or not he fell asleep first 😅 then I did after and literally just woke up like 45 mins ago. I was so tired and needed sleep so bad. 

tonight we might either go see spider man or see live music some where I think he told me this morning. who knows I was like in and out of sleep. he always talks to me as if I'm awake while I'm asleep and can hear properly. he will go on and on and tell me stuff. like hello I'm not even properly away its so weird 😂