insanity

I dont even know where to start so I'll just started with the morning of Friday. hungover as fuck, tired and feeling very unready for why I had to get ready. I watched the handmaid tale new episodes, got up & threw clothes on. no shower no makeup just threw on clothes, pigtails was about all the effort I could put into my appearance. we headed to walmart and grabbed some shirts for my bf's friend R who came down for Robs funeral. went to a bar on the way, chatted and had some drinks so that we weren't early to the funeral.

when ever I am in a position like this. I tend to dissacoiate from what the reality at the moment. I wanted to be there for my bf who was just a complete wreck by time we got to the church. sunglasses on the entire time. he just lost it. emotions so uncontrollable and all I wanted was to be okay for him. I've never been good at these things.

beginning was rough at the church. after the service ended, me, my bf and his friend G went behind the church to smoke a blunt. lol wrong place I know but I'm sure God would understand.

so here's when things went fuck up. decided to leave the funeral to stop by a friend's place for some special K. we do that... everything's fine. took a hit and a half of acid too. we just didn't care, ya know? after the funeral it's just....

we end up leaving in G's rental car and headed to the head shop. anyways, as we are in the midst, we realize how far down the road we actually went lol. almost ended up on highway. my bf loses the K... so we have to go back to other friends house to grab it. as we turn around, G notices a signal going off on car saying the key is not activated. it's the push button to turn car on but you have to have the key fob on you for the signal. can't find it anywhere... this is a rental mind you so we really need to find this key fob. we stop at the grocery store parking lot to look for the key all around in car. nothing. still baffled how we're driving around when it says there's no key activated... we get back in the car & retrace the steps back... turn around again back to the same spot we parked in the grocery parking  lot look all around again for the key... looking on the street as we drove. nothing.

so we drove back to friends house and wondered why he wasn't answering the door. so we're lurking around with flash lights in the grass and under cars. no one is answering the door so we're like wtf.... we were AT THE WRONG HOUSE prob disturbing a family...ok so back into the car and find the friends house to look for the key there. the friend has left... SIGH.... so we try and get him back to look in his car we took a ride in but can't get thru to him. we find the door is unlocked finally...we take a look around inside...no key.  by the way we felt uncomfortable rummaging through his gfs house when she wasn't home. felt awkward. I'm searching the grass all over with flash light and whatever for an hour or more.... my bf....steps in DoG sHiT! to top off the already ongoing stress that was happening.

we decide to just get back in the car and just retraced our steps as we are in the car...my bfs like "I found the K" immediately after we pull up to the street that takes us on main road...there they be... sitting in the main road. G darts out of car and grabs the keys with on coming truck ugh. we get the key found the K. things were looking up. minus my boyfriend's dog shit shoes. we stop at a gas station to grab some things and meet up with friend R. at this point I'm tripping. it's kicked in. i walk into the gas station to grab a couple Trulys and candy. my boyfriend goes into the bathroom to try and wipe his shoes off. he comes out and says there was no paper towels or anything to clean them off. of course. so we get back in the car and I start feeling so overwhelmed by all the hecticness I just wanna go home. the acid wasn't helping this. I felt anxious and just freaked out. friend G, R and another guy were talking outside the car while I was just done. I wanted to go home. finally we get in the car to go to McDonald's. the McDonald's line was out the ass and super slow. so we leave and decide to get stuff at another gas station. it's closed...... sooo we decide to go to walgreens since they have more food options. my bf walks in with no shoes on lmao. we all 3 look like a bunch of crazies. walked in and grabbed food. FINALLY. we were back at my bfs and I just lay down, open my sour patch kids and watch Futurama. I felt soooo happy to finally lay down. my bf and his friend are out there doing K. A bit later on he stumbles in and just... sobs. the pain he was expressing was so hard to watch. I cried and tried everything to console. to top it off, a picture of me my friend Brad who died last year and my bf popped up the SAME day in my fb memories that all of this went down wuth the funeral. weird coincidence and we both were like...this definitely is all tied together in some weird way. the whole night just felt so strange, insane and in a way all worked out in the end. my bf lost his best friend... covered in all of his tattoos he's done for him. I couldn't help but cry for him and the pain he felt. I love him so much it was really hard to see. we talked all night until day light.

this post shows me that no matter what bad things happen in life you just have to keep going. I actually got a tattoo to remind myself of this The Show Must Go On. where ever Rob is  now I just hope all of the pain he felt is diminished and he can finally be at peace. 💓