:(

super depressed and tried to make myself feel good about myself

notice the basket of dirty clothes in the back. I did end up forcing myself up to do the laundry today at least. 

It's so bad I don't wanna see anyone. including people I love... friends. and when I do, I end up bringing them down and in a bad mood because I'm in such a depressive state. so I just have been keeping my distance alone. I have neverrrr been able to fake smile or pretend to be happy and social. it's always painfully obvious cuz I can't fake it.  it's actually more painful to pretend to be happy than it is to just be sad itself. 

idk what to do... but I have been trying to do little things here and there... like sadly, doing laundry was a big step. small but still... showering is a task, cleaning... no motivation to do anything. I need to get out but it's hard to bring myself to do any of it.

got Christmas shopping done. was in Hot Topic getting my sister Christmas stuff and saw my bf's old band, Break The Hero sticker stuck on the register area 😂 

I picked out 2 of my items and my brother and mom bought them but just won't give them to me til Christmas day 😭 

got the last of my bfs gift and gonna wrap most of them tonight. spent all night and morning til like 11am doing up my animal crossing island. getting mire intricate now that I unlocked everything in Happy Home Paradise.

I wonder whay I'm doing for New Year's Eve.  I need to go to a party or something and force myself out. it's been so brutal socializing for me lately. social anxiety is at a all time high these past few months. I did quit taking my antidepressants because I thought they didn't help at all. I need bipolar meds to treat my bipolar disorder and I know anti depressants don't help with that. but I read people take both. so I probably shouldn't have gotten off of them 😕 I def feel worse than I have in a while 

so much

we went to the punk rock flea market thing on Saturday and I wish I didn't feel so awful that day. I still had fun but would have been more comfortable if I didn't just start my period THAT day. we got some good food. I got fish tacos for lunch and had a bloody mary (perfect day to have one 😋 😂) 

I was still not feeling happy for my reason... but when I saw my friend Paige there, my mood got better. I now know what alcoholic beverage I'm gonna start getting. I haven't been drinking much anymore (before this weekend) cuz there's no drinks I've been feeling. vodka and OJ... over it. vodka and cranberry... over it. Monster and vodka... over it. so I changed it up. I got what Paige gets which is Jameson and Ginger Ale. it's so fucking good. I love it. 

we drove back down town and met up with another friend and we all went to Mexican restaurant. I got a Chipotle Enchalada

 and 2 Teauila shots and a Margarita

by the end of that night I was feeling better

I got my Switch... apparently it doesn't come with with the game. It's just a limited edition Animal Crossing themed Switch. I sold the game with my Switch Lite too now I have to buy the game all over again. 

I also now have a flat tire!!! I swear... I say this every post but I have bad luck I swear. so glad I asked my bf to check my tire when we stopped at the gas station. he said my tire was so low it needed air in it bad so he filled the tire for me and that I must have ran over a nail. I had my sister's bf check it out and he said if I kept driving on it, it would have blown...it was splitting in half or something.

so now I have to pay for a new tire and new Animal Crossing. :( I'm too poor for this. I just got 2 new back tires a few months ago. if I would have known I'd have put off getting my Switch. 

anyways I need to mail the Switch Lite tonight. I'm gonna drop it off at the post office's package drop off.

obsessed with Party Monster now

within the last week I watched Party Monster for the first time believe it or not. considering how much i love both Seth Green & Macaulay Culkin. I watched it again last night and definitely will say it deserves a spot in my favorites. my bf told me a friend of his met the DJ Keoki guy (real one) and he was such a tool from what I heard and not even a very good DJ at that. who knows but I can see that, at least judging by his character role in Party Monster.

so we watched Cool World too which was also another I haven't seen. I liked it too! 

the Holli Would character was an obvious icon.

I'm still getting over this annoying cold. coughing hurts and is a nightmare. last night my head and ears felt so congested it felt as if I were underwater or something. I could barely hear the movies we were watching. I'm on like day 5 or 6 so hopefully it should be gone soon. 

if any readers have spacehey add me. I'm obsessed and on it constantly spacehey.com/anjelic

oh and some comment I left on this cat video using a Cinderella shoe filter got a lot of likes and it has been like 😊

I hate being sick

can this cold be over. fuck. it really put a damper on my week. I've spent my time in bed on tiktok and spacehey. I should be better enough to do something by this weekend. 

I wish I had a Switch not a Switch Lite. but I really thought I wouldn't care so I opted for the cheaper one. I wanna stream Animal crossing. 😫  I feel that'd be chill enough to stream. where as if I played game games that I suck at live I wouldn't have much fun doing so. you cant suck at Animal Crossing.

I just watched Home Sweet Hell. it was pretty funny I recommend that. wish I had Hulu, Netflix and Disney+ back but cant afford it right now. sucks to be stuck in bed with not many streaming channels to watch. I dont even have cable I just use the said above. just have Amazon prime right now. 

so my sister gave me strep throat. wonderful. I'm stealing some of her antibiotics cuz this sucks. I've been in bed for a few days now. so I decided to make use of my tiktok account and post a mini room tour. I was also watching Home Alone and noticed a mess up! the part where the neighbor kid is bothering the airport taxi driver... the kid lipsyncs the drivers lines. I noticed the same situation in Jumanji by the by the boy in it. maybe I will watch that too and record that part it's pretty funny. like why don't they delete that and make the kids redo the part.

click = room tour

click = Home Alone mess up

seriously sick again. which is rare I hardly ever get sick. ny sister. brought home a cold last week. now my throat hurts and is itchy. can't stop coughing 😫  

got home from a festival with friends. our friends gave us a Halloween lsd cookie which was a 50/50 chance it being potent. but glad it was a hit cause I'm still tripping b@llz 7 hours later.

we hit up the Taco Shack in downtown 

then back at it

I drove us to my house and then back to my bfs and stopped to take this cool ass pic 

then we drove around with my sunroof open and windows down blasting good vibe music. <3  'twas a good night. 

Meet Stanley

 So I guess we got a new cat. My sister said some lady had to give him away because this cat was too aggressive to her dog. So she went to go pick him up yesterday. His name is Stanley and he is a 6 month old orange cat. He is funny and so far getting along well with my dog. Cat and him kinda go at it sometimes so it'll take a little time for both of them to adjust and get along. Cat thought she was the boss cat around I think.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons fall themed island

my house

i fell asleep too early and so I have been awake organizing and cleaning my room. I figured out I had these led strip connectors and how to use them. I'm so glad so nowi don't have to buy a new set of led lights for my comp area

I might get a small thing of Jameson or something soon and try to stream and have a chill night playing games and stuff. probably not until next week though. I was going to this week but i don't wanna touch my money yet in case any weird fee situation happens again. been through it like 5 or 6 times now. 😒

Mr. Stoops jumped on the hot tub but the lid was open and he fell in apparently. he just jumped in bed with us all wet and I woke my bf like wtf why is Mr Dabs wet... 😂 I wish I had a pic but he went out of the room when I tried to dry him with a towel. Stoop cat.

while I'm awake... I had the best Saturday man. Friday was okay we took our friend Tyller to work and had happy hour there... then went back home to chill out. it was a rainy ass day. Saturday tho--- went to some BBQ fest and fuck, it was so good. I went there not even hungry after having 2 espresso shots and an iced coffee. but I ended up eating the samples there to put in votes. bomb food. I wish I had more. went out to another restaurant where a friend was playing live music and I got some clasms that were soooo fucking good. then headed back and hung out with another friend Kenny  and hung out. stopped by for friend Mikels bday and then we dipped and had our own night. 

okay so I could be totally wrong with what I'm about to talk about but I have this huge bad feelings.
I came across randomly this tiktok live feed while scrolling through. it was a child with like tubes in its nose and mouth or whatever... the kids eyes were half open and it honestly looked scary. I thought it was a doll so I'm I'm wtf is this. I checked the account... and like most of the videos if not all of them are this sick child. every video is him/her like half opened eyes with tubes in their face.

apparently the situation is this mom has this account and is trying to get money from other users im assuming for the kids hospital bills and stuff.

but something... something is very off. the child's eyes tell all. it looks like the kid is like trapped there and cant talk or get help while the mom just posts videos of her kid. it's so eerie man. something just feels extremely weird. the kids eyes look as if it's begging for help. kinda like in movies when someone's paralyzed and can't move and they're trying to get help with their eyes to the other person.

like as she says in her bio... if you wanna give your 2 cents... I will! don't post your sickly child on tiktok in nearly every video to gain sympathy and money. tell your story yourself and make a gofund me like someone sane and rational would do? who exploits their kid like that??? especially in that condition!!! it's wrong. I see it as wrong. it's weird. I reported the live feed but I doubt that does anything. poor thing I hope I am 100% wrong but I have a badddd feeling about this. a lot of the comments are like "why are you showing this online?" and "let him rest!"
omg im angry and sad and creeped out by this woman. stop exploiting your poor child!!! sorry not sorry

ps: I don't want to name the channel. iykyk.
and I won't post pics obvs of the child <\3

I love my family

thank you to my sister and her boyfriend who paid to get our electric back. and to the 2 people who gave me a little help in my cashapp. it got me out of negatives. things are looking up. i also sold some more stuff. that was all stressful. I sat in the shower and sobbed. sometimes ya gotta just have a breakdown. 

I really hope this is cause of the season change but ny hair is so much thinner. I usually have really thick hair but it feels skimpy 😭 I am hoping it is just the seasonal change. I vigorously googled it and it seems to line up with when people lose more hair... which is this month (summer and into fall). I just hate when this happens cause I get freaked out. I'm sure stress doesn't help either 🙃 

I can't wait til it's time to wake up. I'm thinking positively and ready to have a good day. I'm sure the mushrooms are helping too 🙃🙃

And now here, Mr Dabs

oh great and my power is shut off. why does everything bad that happens... happen all at once. I just dont understand. is it karma for... the universe... what did I do. sigh...

my manic episodes are back too. I csnt seem to drink alcohol when I'm manic because I act out and I fight more and can't recollect anything that's happened the night of.

Saturday night I couldn't recall much of anything at the Halloween party in Ft. Pierce. I was so gone. I passed out in my bfs car on the way home.and didn't wake up to get in the house til hours later. seems like the manic phases make the alcohol way more potent. I'm a mess, man... I hope things get better soon cuz the stress and depression is getting to me hardcore. the only positive thing to have happened is that I found my ID so I don't have to go back to the dmv for the 3rd time.

I hate paypal

Paypal has screwed me over so bad on over hundred some dollars. I am now minus $26 because they kept trying to take out money from my bank when there wasn't any in there. so I put money in my PayPal account so it'd cover the shipping label fee I got from PP. but even though I payed it and I had 40.00 in my account from some sales. they have taken out that money at least 5 times now... so I have had to pay almost 200+ in late fees my bank charged cuz of them. so I am now minus 26.45 or so dollars in my bank. I got so tired of them doing all this weird stuff I csncelled my PP account. never will use that shit again as long as I can help it. 

as sad as this is, if anyone feels like donating me some money to my cash app so I csn pay off the minus 26.45  I'd be so happy. I keep trying to sell my stuff but all the stuff I've sold went to the bank cuz of PP. 

my cashapp is $kbunnzy 

Thanks. also what's shitty is my bank charges 29.00 every overdraft charge...so thanks PayPal... 😒 

i cant believe this?? went out to lunch/drinks with a friend and my boyfriend. when we got to the last place... 😒 I was walking back from the bathroom & I stepped up on the curb outside & didn't realize the step down and I fell... I fell in front of the whole place. a waitress helped me back to the table and then the shift manager or who ever he was came over to us and told us to leave! I couldn't believe it... I literally just tripped on the curb... I was also wearing platforms. the mother fucker literally kicked us out for that. we have been going to that restaurant/bar for years now and never been treated that way. he didn't even ask if I was okay or anything... the waitress tho was nice. she made sure to help me. so I will say I don't think I want to ever spend time there ever again. Lures Bar and Grill shift manager in Jensen can suck a fat dick.
my bf left a angry review for that place and as I was reading other 1 star comments... this one dude said he went there to watch a football game and same guy came over to them and kicked them out. the commenter said they weren't even being loud or anything... something is seriously wrong with that loser. I told my bf to tell on him to the owner since he knows him. my bf cussed him out. he was so pissed off.

and of course I lost my license AGAIN! I JUST GOT IT FOR THE 2ND TIME. I wonder if I dropped it when I fell. cuz I like never take it out of my phone case unless carded. which I wasn't... so odk how else it  out have gotten lost. unless it's in my bfs bed or room some where. sigh. it was a good pic too and I just got it like a month or 2 again. why am I like this

before the shit show...

 

Thursday after my bf got off work we went out. as we we're about to leave, 2 friends showed up and we ended up staying. we left the bar & went back to the house with them. paige stayed over and we went out to lunch at Shuckers the next day. we met our other friend up there too. it was so fun, we ordered bloody Mary's. after, we all 3 ordered rum buckets. it is how it sounds... bucket of rum drink. me and paige split one and my bf and megs split one. I ordered some mussels and conch chowder. some of my fave kind of seafood. we then stopped by Lures and met more friends. bf had to go to band practice, so me and paige went to the bar again. randomly we decided to get some food at Crawdaddys next door. I had so much fun! we listened to live music and she bought me dinner 🥰 we ended up ordering so much food 😂 we ordered Lobster bisque and we meant to order just a cup of it but she ordered a bowl of it without realizing. we ordered boiled peanuts too which are so damn good. she got pasta with crayfish, chicken and shrimp in it it was so good. I ordered the crab cakes and we split both. we ended up taking most of it in to go boxes cuz we ordered so much food.

then we walked back over to the bar and my bf met us there. I played darts and I have no understanding of how it's played. but i won. I just throw the darts fast and at random and they land on winning numbers. on my last dart megs pointed at a number and said aim here and I threw the dart and it landed right on that number next to her finger 😂😂🤣 crazy. we went back to the house and had even more fun in the pool. I laughed so hard that night my abs were sore and my voice was shot the next morning.

dropped P off and then my bf and I got fast food. fast foods the best after partying. we stayed in bed and watched horror movies. we have a channel that streamed Halloween Kills for free. so we watched that. that movies gory and full of thrills. I recommend it for sure. I started watching season 3 of You. I can't wait to binge watch the rest tomorrow. maybe tonight when my bf is asleep 

good fun

had a fun weekend. my bf and I went to have happy hour at my fave place to have happy hour Conchy Joe's. I have been going there since I was a kid. we got mussels, conch chowder and shrimp tacos. 

I wore my extensions out to test them to see if they'd hold up nicely through out the day. they totally did. I have had these hair extensions sitting in a drawer for a year. I hardly wore them cuz they were died harley colors. so I used a method to get rid of the dye without bleaching. I used baking soda, dish soap & 20 and 30 volume developer. had to do this twice. first time wuth the 30 vol. then second with 20 vol. it faded out the dye so fast and well. there is a hint if green and pink in it but not noticeable enough. it makes me miss my super long hair naturally tho. my hair has grown so damn much over 2 years. 2 more years and it will be to my low back again. 

got my Halloween outfit. it's a satan 666 cheerleader outfit. gonna wear that and maybe use some fake blood or something idk. I can't believe it's already time for Halloween.

1 of the 2 same skirts I got that didn't fit sold yesterday. I wanna start selling more stuff. it's fun and puts that lil bit of money in my pocket. 

yo

I binge watched Midnight Mass last night. I cried on the last episode. I don't know why exactly but it makes you think a bit more positively about death if you're unsure or afraid.

back on low carb diets. sigh but it was getting out of hand. I went right back to the 15 lbs I lost a couple months back. I figure I'll do my best in eating LC. good thing I love meat and veggies. the only thing I miss out of the diet is potatoes, pasta, and rice. I've never been a huge bread fan so at least that's no problem. 

it's my moms birthday today. I think we might be going out to dinner for it so I'll have to stick to ordering LC.

I think that's it.

long, fun, exhausting, interesting weekend

our first day we went to an art museum. I was so fucking tired cause I hadn't slept the previous night but we took a hit of acid each and made our way to the art place. it was perfect for tripping cause all of the art was so colorful and bright. I noticed a couple others were tripping lol. 

my fav areas were 

my bf's bday weekend is this weekend and we're going to some psychedelic looking art museum. I think he wants to go to some other museum after. then we're going to Fright Night. I had to buy a new size in that reflective skirt cuz the size small is pretty tight. after I lost 15 lbs I am back to square 1 :/  I had to choose 20.00 two day shipping... and I have a feeling it won't get here before I leave ugh. waste. I wanted to wear it to that art museum. it'd look awesome under all the black lights. 

still never found my license. after I literally just went through hell getting it... just for me to lose it a few months later 😭 so I went to the dmv today to get it reissued so I can get into the bars downtown.  

Attn:

trip was...

it was interesting. our hotel ended up being small when it was suppose to be bigger. so it was 5 people in a small hotel with 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom. no privacy anywhere. and I had to sleep in the floor. luckily I went up Thursday so I only had to stay 2 nights. we went to Ripleys Believe It Or Not which was cool. and walked to the fort. my mom wanted to see them shoot the cannons off but of course they didn't do it that day due to maintenance. it was sooo fucking hot. Florida sucks. next time we go it'll be in cooler weather. I'd like to go on the St Augustine ghost tours and haunted hay rides. 

hung out with some friends the other night. was pretty fun even though we didn't end up going out. 

some friends are ~ride or die~ as my bf says. and some are just fairweather friends. these 2 are the one that will have your back any time. that when something bad is going on in your life they shoot you a text to check on you. I love having those kind of people in my life. not the toxic ones that constantly cause problems. 👍🏻

mini trip

going to St Augustine tomorrow til Saturday. I wasn't able to go the entire week cuz my pets. bf is gonna feed them the days I'm gone. sucks it's gonna be raining mostly... cuz its a hotel on the beach and I'd like to use that as some beach time. 

my tire ripped while I was driving the other day. I wasn't sure what it even was while I was driving. I thought it was like a rock or branch stuck under my wheel that was making loud clanking sounds... but when I got home I looked and the tire had a long rubber piece hanging off. at least I made it home without damaging further. I'd have been stuck on the road wearing bunny slippers, sleep clothes and unbrushed hair. got a new tire put on and getting the second tire on Monday. sisters bf is gonna rotate them and also do an alignment. saves me so much money.

my bfs window was stuck down and wasn't able to roll back up. he came over last night and my sisters bf and his friends got it up for now and then they're gonna fix it when the parts get ordered. so that saves him hundreds of dollars. 

why do we both always have car problems at the same time  

so I ended up having covid or whatever last week. got it from my sister and her bf.  It wasn't that bad, just felt like I had the flu pretty much... but I couldn't taste food or anything. weird stuff. I took cough medication and ended up having some kind of side effect to it. I felt extremely drugged up for an entire night and day. like I felt like I was tripping. it was so fucking weird everything looked like a video game and things were moving around. I was talking to myself and asking myself questions that I'd answer lmao. I don't know what the fuck was in the cough medication but I was fucked up. it made me have some revelations. I thought about my life and things I wanted to change. healthy things I want in life and in my relationship. had a heart to heart conversation with my boyfriend at dinner this weekend and I feel pretty good about us and our future. my bf's ex wife passed away last week so we kind of relaxed a bit while my he was going through it. 😞 so RIP to her. 💔 is it me or have we been dealing with a lot of friends deaths this past couple years? I've lost 2 friends and he's lost even more...

we went to see The Suicide Squad this past Friday. I saw it few days prior because my brother downloaded it and I couldn't wait. but I wanted to see it on the big screen. my bf loved it too. 

Saturday we went to Noodle World. I ordered the Ramen and some spicy krab rolls

the Ramen was super filling so I ended up taking that home.

we went out for happy hour and met 2 friends there. we got a few drinks and some mussels. this drink my friend got I ended up getting as well... it was so fucking good it tasted like a dessert. it was a daiquiri with a floater? never heard if it til I tried it that day. it was so good. 

afterwards we went to dinner at my fave Indian restaurant. i was looking forward to that all day. 

we ended up taking these left overs home as well. which I love cuz I had 2 left overs to enjoy later. we stopped by the bar for a couple beers then went home and watched American Horror Stories. the show is okay. 

 I'm super hyped for Wednesday's new American Horror Story. it looks like it's gonna be about aliens and sirens. Evan Peter's is back too which is obviously the main reason to watch American Horror Story 😍 

I am going to be staying on the beach for a week with my family. it's a gift to my brother for graduation college. we're going to St Augustine. I have never actually been there just driven through. I hvlave wanted to go for so long.

I'm sick and stuck in bed. been sick since Saturday but it got worse yesterday. I hope this goes away fast. 

I want to see The Suicide Squad movie soon. I am excited that James Gunn is doing the film. 

I have been sucking at games lately. I normally finish in the last 5 players on pubg solo match but lately been getting killed off around 14. what gives? 

I keep sleeping. like... sleep all night awake part of the day til about noon or so then back to sleep. then awake again... then asleep again by evening. it has to be depression and lack of vitamins. still trying to get on my proper medications. such a chore without health insurance. 

my computer desk is on its last leg... really... its about to collapse. so I bought a new one. a pink one that's 3 inches bigger in width. my room has hardly any space all because I have to keep my guinea pig cage and hamster cage in here. I cant put them in the outer rooms cause the cats. so it takes up soo much space. hopefully the way I organized everything it'll still fit. I put my TV in my closet. and moved all of the clothes to the other side of the closet. so that's one less furniture out of the way. wish I had a bigger house.

RIP <\3

I wanted to make a separate post for this but I want to talk about my friend Brad. he died last year unnexpectedly at this time and I hate that. he has been a good friend to me for nearly 20 years. in school together, the bus rides, detentions and break ups I had with boyfriend's he was always there with me. I saw him 2 days before he died and I would have never expected such a thing. which is so scary cuz you just never know when someone will be gone. ugh. I hope he is playing music where ever he is. 

ugh I got 25 lbs of timothy grass for my guinea pigs but it was 3rd cut and my guinea pigs are hardly eating it. so I have to buy 1st cut and now I'll have 50 lbs of hay????? I need to get some cheap bins to store it all in. could probably store some in the garage. I feel so bad though my guinea pigs are waiting and wheeking at me by the windows. I'm gonna have to grab a small bag til the hay comes. :(

I want to stream but every time I get up to do it its so late and no one joins cuz i procrastinate cuz I am nervous about it. I hate dealing with bipolar. I'm either manic and on a high and doing lots of shit I need to do or I'm sad and a shut in. so I haven't been that active on social medias. I hope no one is disappointed at me for slowly posting to my of. I lost 10 subs man. 😢 sigh 

I need to talk to my doctor and get on actual bipolar medications. just anti depressants isn't cutting it. 

my pink hair has faded quite a bit to what I wanted but I might just do pink at the ends now like Harley but all pink no blue. too difficult to keep up with pink hair all over. have to bleach roots every month or so, then tone and color it pink. 

🥰

my bf and I had a really nice weekend. we went to one of my favorite restaurants in downtown FP. it's relatively cheap for us getting so much. we both got thai dishes, sushi plate, 2 sakis, a beer for him and diet coke for me. so much food for such a great price. so if you're reading this and are local go to Wasabi. 

we are thinking about having a mini getaway sometime soon probably next weekend. decided An airbnb on the beach somewhere else. maybe Melbourne area 🤔 my grandma Mum is paying for my brother's graduation gift taking a trip to St Augustine. I have actually never been there to look around before and I have always wanted to. historic.

happy July 4th of 2021

I was suppose to go to a party but misunderstood the time I was suppose to get ready and slept way in. so my bf and I went to see fire works together. 

I was sad though I did wanna go to the party to see friends I hadn't seen in a long time. but we made our night just a fun :) 

just finished bleaching my roots finally, toning and reapplying the pink hair dye. the color ot is right now isnt exactly what I want but after 2 or 3 washes it's the pastel pink I longed for... and without roots.

I cant believe it's almost 4th of July next. time goes by so fast its a lil' scary. Florida is starting to get extremely hot outside. I hate it. 😒 

but plans are coming together... I think my bf and I are going to Chicago for Riot Fest this summer. it's gonna be hot of course but I am in it for Nine Inch Nails and My Chemical Romance. my bf is in it for all the punk bands and NIN. I think he wants to go to Rockville too. many plans.

I've been playing Overwatch again. it's so fun I spend so many hours and days on it. I wish I had a regular switch, but I have to switch lite. I'll invest in a regular one at some point. I want to stream Animal Crossing so bad. I've watched a few Animal Crossong streams. 

I want to stream on my twitch/streamlabs site but I need that liquid courage. I have a tiny bit of vodka but not enough. I reset up my page to look cute and to match my stream layout. 🙃

bf has band practice Wednesdays so I will be able to stream Mondays thru Wednesdays. ✔

I dyed most if my hair pink for summer. 

gave my friend a fun birthday sunday

I am glad he had fun and it went well... even though I was only on a few hours of sleep o ended up having a great time.

I slept for pretty much 2 days. woke up a little after the full day of sleeping to eat then went back to sleep. I'm caught up.

onky thing now is I am depressed? idk why other than maybe cause my monthly started so I have pms. feeling super down right now and teary.

my bfs tattoo shop where he works had to shut down due to nearly everyone there having corona. so hes out of work all week which sucks cause he isnt gonna be making any when there's bills to be paid. hopefully everyone gets better soon.

I need to go home to grab my new windshield wipers so my bf can help me put them on. or my sisters bf... whoever... in serious need to change them since it's rainy time in Florida. sucks I used all of my pay for things that are needed but I'm glad I got them done. my car is slowly but surely on its way to fixing. I need a new tire next. an alignment and of course the parts for the back.

I did it!

programmed my key and the fob today

this is my broken one lmao look at this monstrosity 

super glue, tape and beads glued on to make buttons which is just glued shut so they didn't work.

new key

fuck yes. now I don't have to be careful or nervous every time I switch the engine on.

there are only a few truly good friends out there

I still have yet to fall asleep. been up all night doing psychedelics and watching animated movies with my boyfriend. we decided fuck it, we will just stay awake... get mcdonalds breakfast, park and eat while watching the sunrise. then headed over to the key place for them to cut my new car key. I just have to program it. you have to do weird steps like "close door 6 times... put key in ignition 2 times... shut door this that blah blah" I tried it and I clearly didn't do it right. but I watched this tutorial on it and apparently I was doing it wrong. I'll try again when I get fucking sleep.

had a good past few days honestly... sleep? we don't know her. I haven't slept in like 3 days. not true sleep just couple hours here and there.

went to Mexican food with my friends freddie and Corey and actually had a super fun time. my bfs gig was cancelled due to rain so we just grabbed 2 drinks at the bar and headed to Cinco De Mayo for some Mexican cuisine. did 2 tequila shots. gag I hate tequila but I shot them like a champ. 

giving my friend a birthday party Sunday night. 🎉 once I finally get some sleep here shortly were gonna get up and do last night all over again 😆 

i am honestly glad with our friends group lately. cut out anyone affiliated with drama and just negative vibes. we don't want negative energy sucking the fun and happiness of life. toxic people, gotta go... we talked about that a lot lately and I think it's just such a healthier thing mentally for us. we'll for anyone honestly. so yea, our friend group is gradually getting smaller as we nope the fuck away from negative energy. if you have something or somebody to complain about, be angry about or just say rude shit and just be shitty. you can't sit with us. 

all I have to say about that all that so enjoy a pretty sunrise pic I took this morning burnt out on psychs and eating McDonald's breakfast burritos with my boyfriend. 💞

 when you need your anti-depressants but are too depressed to go pick them up.

balloon animals

going to get my car key cut tomorrow and I will just program it myself. I was ready to pay like 200.00 for them to cut and program it but the key I bought off amazon gave me instructions with it to program it myself. do you understand how excited I am to finally have a key that doesn't have super glue, tape and diy bead buttons lmao. it always snaps off too. it's been that way for like 2 years now so I am sick of it and finally getting it taken care of.

I m going to party city this weekend. I plan on buying some more balloons so I can make balloon animals for my onlyfans content. I have only a couple left right now. I practiced them for a while when I was tripping on acid lmao. I got kinda decent at it. sad memory tho, my friend Brad, I remember meeting him at the dollar store parking lot with my bf... I gave him a penis shaped balloon animal as a joke. he took it and then 2 days later was found deceased :( anyways, yea I was practicing them and making little dogs and flowers for my friends. I am not that good at them but I do okay 😅

I also set up my domain name with streamlabs so that I can start streaming soon. I have this annoying ass microphone that I need set up. I want a new one... pink one to match all of my pink razer products. it's on my wishlist if you feel like helping me out anyone 😁 but yea the one I have now just is such an annoying situation to deal with. also need to get new speakers for this laptop. the ones I have don't seem to get very loud. so yea I am almost ready to stream I was gonna do it this week tbh but then I realized ya need to be able to hear me 😂 watch my stream @ anjelic.tv and follow me on twitch too. I'll probably just do IRL streams since I suck at games and it's embarrassing. I heard too about hot tub streams. which is fucking bazaar but I could do that sometimes 'cause my bf has a hot tub.

I think I'm gonna trip🍄  tomorrow maybe tonight and practice my balloon animal skills again I wanna be some what better before I do them for an audience lol

I have a list

a goal list that I need all done asap. I only have 1 checked off lmao. my car key has been broken for literally 2 or 3 years. everytime it snaps off I super glue it back into the key fob. but its: starting to no longer work that way. it looks so busted. it's super glued, packing taped, super glued with beads on it to work the buttons that now csnt function... I finally bought a new car key off of Amazon. once it arrives I have to go to a hardware store and have them cut the new key and program the key fob. this is gonna cost be about 75 - 100.00 sucks. 

I need to windshield wipers badly as well. most of my plans are to save up and get my car entirely fixed up. I wanted to get a new one... but this car is paid off and the engine is amazing still. so it's best to just fix it up.

I need to get back to my low carb eating because I am gaining weight back I definitely do not want or should have. 😞 I had lost a total of 15 lbs but went back up like 6 more. sad days. I was feeling confident so I wanna eat better again. laid off the partying a bit too. moderation is key.... omggg "key" lmfff

 one of my guinea pigs is getting better at being picked up. the other one... hard no.

bought a new webcam for streaming. I'll still be using my dslr for twitch streaming but the batteries just don't live very long so I got an upgraded version of my old webcam. 

my bf is sick so that sucks. it's Friday too 😔 I hope I'm not next cuz I've been with him all night and day... sharing joints and what not. 

 I really need to start saving money and making more because my car needs a lot of work and I think I might fix it and sell it to buy a new one idk. my scion is a 2006 so it's pretty old. 

gotta go pick up our Chinese food dinner.

last night

pretty fun last night if you ask me. 

today I saw a car hit the back of another one at a stop light. gave me a flashback when that car hit the back of me last month cuz someone hit them which made me hit the person in front of me. 

I want to start twitch streaming. I need to buy a new webcam though. I have my dslr but I want a webcam too cuz the battery dies so fast on the dslr. and my brother keeps using my old one for school. so I need a new one. ever since the virus shit webcams are hard to come by cuz people are buying them all up. looking into them today. 

follow my twitch account twitch.tv/anjelic I think I will buy another domain name for it. I recently changed my usernames to match and bought a new domain name for my blog here. no more bunny...its kitty now lol. I decided it cuz its a nickname for my birth name name. 

my friend and I last night were talking about twitch and I asked him if he streams and he said he wants to. so it made me wanna take the dive and start too. I haven't streamed in so long so I am shy about it. but I'm excited to start using my twitch account for streams.

insanity

I dont even know where to start so I'll just started with the morning of Friday. hungover as fuck, tired and feeling very unready for why I had to get ready. I watched the handmaid tale new episodes, got up & threw clothes on. no shower no makeup just threw on clothes, pigtails was about all the effort I could put into my appearance. we headed to walmart and grabbed some shirts for my bf's friend R who came down for Robs funeral. went to a bar on the way, chatted and had some drinks so that we weren't early to the funeral.

when ever I am in a position like this. I tend to dissacoiate from what the reality at the moment. I wanted to be there for my bf who was just a complete wreck by time we got to the church. sunglasses on the entire time. he just lost it. emotions so uncontrollable and all I wanted was to be okay for him. I've never been good at these things.

beginning was rough at the church. after the service ended, me, my bf and his friend G went behind the church to smoke a blunt. lol wrong place I know but I'm sure God would understand.

so here's when things went fuck up. decided to leave the funeral to stop by a friend's place for some special K. we do that... everything's fine. took a hit and a half of acid too. we just didn't care, ya know? after the funeral it's just....

we end up leaving in G's rental car and headed to the head shop. anyways, as we are in the midst, we realize how far down the road we actually went lol. almost ended up on highway. my bf loses the K... so we have to go back to other friends house to grab it. as we turn around, G notices a signal going off on car saying the key is not activated. it's the push button to turn car on but you have to have the key fob on you for the signal. can't find it anywhere... this is a rental mind you so we really need to find this key fob. we stop at the grocery store parking lot to look for the key all around in car. nothing. still baffled how we're driving around when it says there's no key activated... we get back in the car & retrace the steps back... turn around again back to the same spot we parked in the grocery parking  lot look all around again for the key... looking on the street as we drove. nothing.

so we drove back to friends house and wondered why he wasn't answering the door. so we're lurking around with flash lights in the grass and under cars. no one is answering the door so we're like wtf.... we were AT THE WRONG HOUSE prob disturbing a family...ok so back into the car and find the friends house to look for the key there. the friend has left... SIGH.... so we try and get him back to look in his car we took a ride in but can't get thru to him. we find the door is unlocked finally...we take a look around inside...no key.  by the way we felt uncomfortable rummaging through his gfs house when she wasn't home. felt awkward. I'm searching the grass all over with flash light and whatever for an hour or more.... my bf....steps in DoG sHiT! to top off the already ongoing stress that was happening.

we decide to just get back in the car and just retraced our steps as we are in the car...my bfs like "I found the K" immediately after we pull up to the street that takes us on main road...there they be... sitting in the main road. G darts out of car and grabs the keys with on coming truck ugh. we get the key found the K. things were looking up. minus my boyfriend's dog shit shoes. we stop at a gas station to grab some things and meet up with friend R. at this point I'm tripping. it's kicked in. i walk into the gas station to grab a couple Trulys and candy. my boyfriend goes into the bathroom to try and wipe his shoes off. he comes out and says there was no paper towels or anything to clean them off. of course. so we get back in the car and I start feeling so overwhelmed by all the hecticness I just wanna go home. the acid wasn't helping this. I felt anxious and just freaked out. friend G, R and another guy were talking outside the car while I was just done. I wanted to go home. finally we get in the car to go to McDonald's. the McDonald's line was out the ass and super slow. so we leave and decide to get stuff at another gas station. it's closed...... sooo we decide to go to walgreens since they have more food options. my bf walks in with no shoes on lmao. we all 3 look like a bunch of crazies. walked in and grabbed food. FINALLY. we were back at my bfs and I just lay down, open my sour patch kids and watch Futurama. I felt soooo happy to finally lay down. my bf and his friend are out there doing K. A bit later on he stumbles in and just... sobs. the pain he was expressing was so hard to watch. I cried and tried everything to console. to top it off, a picture of me my friend Brad who died last year and my bf popped up the SAME day in my fb memories that all of this went down wuth the funeral. weird coincidence and we both were like...this definitely is all tied together in some weird way. the whole night just felt so strange, insane and in a way all worked out in the end. my bf lost his best friend... covered in all of his tattoos he's done for him. I couldn't help but cry for him and the pain he felt. I love him so much it was really hard to see. we talked all night until day light.

this post shows me that no matter what bad things happen in life you just have to keep going. I actually got a tattoo to remind myself of this The Show Must Go On. where ever Rob is  now I just hope all of the pain he felt is diminished and he can finally be at peace. 💓

took a break from making OF content this past week due to my friend's death and being there for my boyfriend who has been having a hard time. though this weekend will be rough... I wanna try to get some new content put out tomorrow before that. 

I had to buy a new selfie light(s) since mine kept breaking. I literally glued the cover on it twice with super glue but I kept dropping it and it kept coming off. so I just bought a new one for my phone and a new stand one to get HQ pics. 

I wanna start streaming again. it's been years yea? I have had a twitch account for so long and decorated it but have yet to start actually streaming on it. that should be soon once I get back on my medication. 🤞

RIP

I know i posted this photo already but I cant find the others. I'm so depressed. I'm going to miss you Rob. I love you  

get better soon rob

my friend had a heart attack the other day. got an update from my boyfriend today's, so far he woke up today. that's good. he's one of my bfs best friends and I hope that he gets better asap. found a blurry ass pic of us

I just hope he will be okay and get better soon. 

my medication I need is 100.00 ugh. I can tell I have been a bit off lately and my bf says he notices it. haven't been on it for a few weeks. so Thank you e eryone so far that has subbed to my Onlyfans cuz its helping me and my money issues for necessities. 🥰 

woke up from a really scary dream, dammit. probaably from watching all those horror films yesterday. but speaking of, i recommend the following horror movies i watched;

M.O.M (mothers of monsters) = pretty unsettling

Unhinged = fast paced and thrilling

The Loved Ones = fucked up

i need to try and sleep again, have to be up and ready tomorrow evening for another wednesday of open mic my bf's plays bass for. it's cute.

😕 lets hope i can fall bac asleep now with no more scary dreams

Them

finished watching the Amazon prime series Them. such a heart breaking, fucked up, scary and really good show. I recommend it.

went to dinner for our anniversary on Saturday. we had Indian food ugh so good. my bf also bought me this doll I wanted that has a bunny outfit. came with a bunny case that carries the doll and some other cute accessories. 💕 

I weighed in Thursday and calculated so far I have lost 15 lbs. prob gained a couple  back though from the weekend oop. 

saving up my money. need a new tire since the tread is showing. sucks but I believe it's just one I need. I also need to get an alignment and still need my sisters bf get the parts to fix the back of my car. 

that was a wild ride

my bf and my anniversary of 2 years is Monday. so as you do, you wanna celebrate 🍾 

2 hits of acid and then some K. I've done all these things already together for the dissociative feel and out of body experience being in your own world thing... but this time I had a full on bad trip. my first ever super bad trip. I wanted out so badly I thought I was dying. I kept seeing the TV with sharks and deep oceans and I bawled my eyes out. I was so terrified I begged to get out of this k hole. last special k trip was bonkers. but this time I panicked. after my bf led me off the bad trip and led me out to happier place things were amazing. I sobbed over cute animals, felt like my bf, me, Lasso, Mr Dabs cat were all in my own little world. was a very pleasant and happy place I wouldn't wanna be elsewhere. 

2 years of putting up with my crazy ass bullshit. couldn't ask for a better love.

dream vs reality = idk

I woke up sweating in my sleep like crazy. this is the 2nd time in a while. this weekend I had a party filled weekend. so I slept super long yesterday night and yesterday all day until my boyfriend brought home dinner after work. as he was getting ready for work, I was still sleeping but I thought I heard him whispering to me knowing he left. I kept trying to open my eyes but they wouldn't open. I couod feel myself saying stop stop. it was weird and creepy. so I guess I was still dreaming cuz I thought I got up and saw he came back or didnt leave yet... but he was already gone. strange... then I had the full on dream that I got up to drive home but I obviously didn't. but in dream state I did drive home, got lost and transported to another planet??? like I left earth and was told I had to leave everyone and everything behind, including my mind. I was going to have a different conscience and a different life on a different planet. was so real and so... scary. I was relieved when I woke up and realized it wasn't real. 

after sleeping all night Saturday, all day Sunday and just now all night again I had more vivid dreams that I couldn't figure if they were real or dream. I thought I was laying sideways at the end of the bed while my boyfriend was asleep. I was watching tv and eating Graham crackers. which sounds realistic for me but guess that didn't happen. woke up and had to take my shirt off and put a towel down cause the bed was wet from sweating so bad. when I go through dreams like these I get super worried I'm going to die or something bad will happen and I can't see my bf or family. hate that. and if it isnt really happening soon I don't want it to happen ever :( 

ouch

 so0o I got wAsTeD last night ugh. after a night of harassing my friends which I feel bad about, I fell on the concrete and now i can barely walk. lol I think I need to be more careful these days since I am back on medications cuz it seems to be amplifying the alcohol effect. also maybe my 12 lbs weight loss woooo. I am manic as well. i have a love/hate relationship with my manic phases.

fair 2021

went to the fair opening day. the fair on lsd for the first time. let me just say sensory overload. kids everywhere, lights everywhere... I had to take a couple of breaks with a beer cause sensory o v e r l o a d. if you ever feel like being made fun of my middle school kids, the fair is for you! lol

a few of the rides didn't work and lights were messing up at the fair due to power issues. so one of the carrnies told us to keep our ticket and use it over and over since the ticket booths were down...so free unlimited rides. was cool he told us that in secret. cuz my god the fair is expensive! we saved about 80.00 due to no need for tickets since we scanned the same one over n over lol.

depression bad today. sigh

I have a video doctor appt over phone in like an hour, I hate doing it 'cause of my anxiety but I have to. once it's over with though Im like, that wasn't that bad. then I need to get ready to go to the DMV. getting my license reinstated which means new ID pic so I wanna look cute though that never works. most people's ID pics come out ugly. although my last one wasn't bad because the woman let me take it 3 times and MADE me smile to look good in it :Dbut I doubt I'll get lucky to get someone as nice as her again at a DMV. 

My bf is coming over to drop off my gaming chair. I've worked on my gaming area all week. I just need this particular cord that (should arrive tomorrow)  helps me hook up my second monitor since my laptop only has 1 hdmi port. I also want to get some LED lights to put under the desk and behind the monitors for cool effect :P got everything else all set up. it's coming along again. I took it all down once because I thought I'd be gaming more over at my boyfriend's. but I ended up never bothering 'cause I have better internet. so back to putting my stuff back together and getting it all set up.

tomorrow he's taking me to dinner for my birthday. didn't bother getting a specific birthday dress or anything since I'm not having a party this year like last year. my friends took me out to dinner and to the bar last year. but this year it's just me and my bf. so I am gonna wear a dress I have laying around here to dinner. 

sitting here with purple shampoo in my hair. for some reason the bottoms don't stay as pale blonde as the tops of my hair, so I have been using it for 3 days now to get rid of the brassiness. 

my father came thru with the money to help me figure out my car situations. so tomorrow I am goin to the DMV to get a new license, so I wanna look cute for my ID picture. then it's open mic night again so I'll be going with my bf to that. 

accidentally bought the wrong chargers to my phone, so I clicked return item, but they just refunded me and said I don't have to return anything.

I think some time in the near future I am gonna be getting another guinea pig. my cage size is for 2-3 guinea pigs, so I am gonna get a 3rd pig to add to the mix. I love guinea pigs... I think I am gonna go to a shelter to adopt one this time. hopefully this one will like to be picked up. mine hate it. but they sure don't mind snatching treats from me 😂

I still need to find a birthday dress, my time is limited. I also need to go to the thrift shop to look for a new desk. I want my 2 monitors back so I need a bit bigger desk. I also want my chair back from my boyfriends house so I need him to transfer it back here.

this weekend my mom and my sisters bf are suppose to check out the junkyard to try and find parts for my car. need a trunk and back bumper replacement. he said he saw some already. then need my bf's vehicle to transport those parts here. my sister's bf will be fixing it. I can't wait to have my car all fixed. he said he is gonna clean it too so it looks new. we did a lil test on part of it and when he used this stuff, it looked brand new. it's crazy how much build up has gotten on it over the years and regular washes can't clean.

my bf is taking me to dinner for my birthday. I requested Indian food. hopefully we can find a place 'cause the good one shut down. I can't believe I weigh the same as when I lost those 6-9 lbs. especially after eating badly during the holidays. nothing changed but back to my low carb/healthier eating. 

top fave youtubers

ThatChapter  - true crime (favorite of all)

Shrouded Hand - spooky stuff

SomeOrdinaryGamers - spooky Stuff, gaming stuff, deep web browsing

Lazy Masquerade - spooky stuff

Kurtis Conner - comedy

Lucas - comedy

Nick Crowley - spooky stuff

Horrible Reviews - movie reviews (most disturbing movies)

Nexpo - spooky, strange stuff

PhilipSoloTV - hilarious

Barely Sociable - spooky stuff

ScareTheater - spooky stuff, strange stuff

Reignbot Horror - spooky stuff

clearly, I have an interest 

:/

My license expired last year, (which makes it suspended), oop. My mom was using my car and she got pulled over. The cop asked whose car it was and she explained. He told her that if I were driving it, he would have had to take my license plate and he would have left me on the side of the road......

So I need to go renew it and then get a new tag since my birthday is coming up anyway. More money I have to come up with I do not have.  I emailed my father, and asked for help (which I hate doing). But he is going to help me pay for my ID and tag renewal. So I need to be careful driving my car around & only drive when really needed until he sends the check in the mail and I can get my license updated. That's the most important step. 

I made a Depop account to start selling clothes/accessories I no longer wear just for some extra side money for a bit. My sister does it all of the time.

My bf wanted a website too so I made him one. Took me about 4 hours but it's done. He wanted it to look like my but his own style (not girlie). It looked better imo with the yellower bg but he wanted the orange one. 😒

My sister got me this car air freshener since she got in the accident with my car

slept from 3pm - 12am. Tried playing pubg on pc but had to lay down, feel sick.

2021 sucks.already wtf

I havent slept in days. I mean, not real sleep where I am dreaming. Deep sleep or whatever. Been partying way too much the past few days. Although it was New Years Eve... but we kept partying next day. Then had a birthday party to go to so more partying and no sleep. Maybe this is what they call a bender?  Fuck. I am so exhausted. Top all of that, my sister got into a small accident in my car this morning. So not only do I have a damaged trunk from years ago that I did... I now how new damage on the bumper of my car. Its smashed in at the corner............... 

It has been a very hard year for my family too. Now this. Im just over everything. I haven't been happy deep down for some time now. So my boyfriend and I decided to chill on the partying and get back to low carb dieting. I lost 9 lbs eating healthier and low carb for 2 months but gained it all back from the Holidays and just being plain lazy and getting fast food or take out. 

So ok, Zack, my sisters bf is gonna go to a junk yard this week to find the parts to my car to be replaced. Hes into cars so hell fix it. He said should be about 75 bucks. Not bad... so I am glad about that. I am starting my low carb diet today. Made some broccoli and zucchini for lunch. Drinking a ton of water and finally a nap. I need it.

Tonight my boyfriend and I are doing more pour paintings and just have a relaxing craft night. Then I would like to sleep at a decent time to get rested.

Last night I dressed up and went to this restaurant for my friend's party. Some waitress asked me where I got my outfit and if I have an onlyfans. I told her no and she said she would have subscribed. 😂 seems like everyone knows about onlyfans or has one. Its a pretty popular platform but my boyfriend is like hell no. Doesn't want me doing that 😂

sticker on my top is a picture of my burthday friend when he was young. Too funny. Also I took this in his kids bathroom so the mirror is dirty for that reason.